Two no-shows and one sick triceratops

I'm tired of seeing recipes for two-ingredient "cheesecake." I would like to be fed real cheesecake both in my algorithm and mouth

This isn't something a normal person with a functioning conscience can do

If you think you can justify the pain they're putting children through then I don't want to know you. Don't talk to me. There is something fundamentally incompatible between us if you believe this is acceptable, and I don't think that's a huge leap to draw that as a line in the sand

I just told my wife about the bus thread and she laughed real weird and said "We are, all of us, on this bus" then walked away and I gotta say, yea

Imagine you get royalties of every product your company sells. Now imagine your company agreeing to that same deal in perpetuity for work that a chatbot does. Now imagine unicorns swim in the ceiling of your office and that Art Garfunkel is your boss because all of these are equally likely

Sometimes I pretend that the actors in a current TV series are actually their old characters from previous productions, now acting in a TV show. It's a fun little diversion that adds a new layer of entertainment for loyal viewers of television

You don't need one of these. There are so many non-invasive ways to monitor your porch if you're worried about theft and there's literally no reason beyond that anyway. Your weird lazy voyeur tendencies are being weaponized against everyone around you, and most importantly, against you too

Cannot possibly yell this loud enough

Listen: because I am hearing this a lot from folks who are in caregiving roles with disabled, sick, dying folks, elders, or children in their care: You are not unable to do anything or unable to take action. Care work IS justice work

[guy at his first rodeo] l feel like this is going to come up a lot

The brilliant plan to stop families from going hungry in 2026: Make going hungry "in" again

The hardest thing about bluesky is that everyone, despite getting along and really enjoying each other, hates everyone else. Everyone you like is mad at someone you enjoy. Also they both loathe you

There are at least 3 clips in here where I can't unsee a strung-out version of Jay Sherman's dad from The Critic (this is a positive)

Slogans don't hit the way they used to, in the '40s large men would yell incredibly serious things like "QUALITY OF PRODUCT IS ESSENTIAL TO CONTINUING SUCCESS" over and over and it was about cigarettes

Where I'm at, mentally youtu.be/rz4I_nis3vk?...

[Ken Burns voice] But before Air Bud could redefine the rule book, Dunston defied the guest book.

There was a moment in the late '90s/early '00s when any guy with a weird poem set to alt-rock minor chords was elevated to having a record deal. Researchers call this "The Vertical Horizon"

My fantasy football team? Going great, thanks. Gandalf just killed Iron Man

Stephen Colbert on the ICE murder of Renee Nicole Good: “The message from this administration is clear. Only they determine the truth. And when their forces come to your city: obey or die. And if you die, you clearly didn’t obey. This should be an alarm bell for the entire country.”

Channel 3

This is exactly the kind of thing grape nuts used to do. Because it was terrible

"Imagine if Obama did this" too late. I have already been encouraged to imagine Obama doing the range of all things good and evil, and beyond. In my mind's eye he can sing like an angel and concoct cosmic atrocities. Obama evolving into a crab? I have seen it, of late, in my deepest slumbers,

Roko's Basilisk but we all have to constantly talk about how good cloid is

Pickleball is Wiffle Tennis

Same

I love that they're still trying to make this a thing. The perfect accessory for walking around in dusty open-air desert markets after the worldwide catastrophes happen

Oh whatever go nail it to the doors of a church

Here's my take on the finale: Every 14 year old I know watching it with their parents 1. Motored through the entire series 2. cried at the end and 3. wants Stranger Things gear now.

I walk in the door, placing the requested item on the floor in front of my wife. Light beams begin projecting from my fingertips as I lift off the ground, my eyes turning the purest white. "SEVENTY PERCENT OFF" wails my voice, not from my mouth, but from the very air surrounding my body

Seeing my dad cry-laugh to @asherperlman.bsky.social's new book is its own gift

Watching Wicked 2 and it seems like the green witch is pretty much the protagonist. Can't believe they screwed it up this bad!

Yeah buddy, you BETTER be ready to kick my ass because I'm going to make it INCREDIBLY easy and satisfying for you

[summoning all of my uncle powers to phonetically mispronounce the type of wine I'm ordering]

If there's one thing we can all agree on it's that 2025 will definitely be followed by a year. We won't know what it is for a few days, so be ready

Yeah buddy, you BETTER be ready to kick my ass because I'm going to make it INCREDIBLY easy and satisfying for you

One of my top 5 prized possessions. My wife got it professionally reframed for me on my 35th birthday

Tonight I got a multiball while the climax of Don't Stop Believin' was blasting on the speakers. Nothing was taken from you, they're just too scared to go find it

Everyone's doing countdowns so I'm going with top 10 pictures of my adorable cat who lives to chase things and bite me. Feldon's Greatest Hits #10:

We're all drinking thin christmas mayonnaise and pretending

Counterpoint: Deep dish must remain a misty, frightening prospect for those who haven't tried it, leading to irresistible curiosity. Otherwise we would have nothing to render short-term visitors unexpectedly comatose

Awkward tween era from this puffball in June @vicmmic.bsky.social

This feels like more of an ad for divorcing an App Gambler than an ad for App Gambling

Hate it when the view of me changes from shaky in the near distance to a far-off stable shot through the trees, as if I am being watched

I know (and I mean this literally) NOTHING about college sports, but c'mon folks: Biff Poggi is not a real name. And neither is "Francis Xavier Poggi"