Hamlet's Mill ground my ass to gold and much later, to smithereens

I'm Julie Chen Moonves,

That's it, payback, revenge I'm mad!

STALKER [1979; dir. Andrei Tarkovsky]

There is an epidemic of Georges who dont feel comfortable appearing Curious in public

Smokin straight dick. Taint and balls in my bong

I need hot dog i need cheeseburger

I've got like three wolves inside of me and let's just say one is a tapeworm

do NOT overthink things

Someone just stole my trash cans

I wear Big Hoodies Front Pouch like a Fanny Pack Losing my Cellphone

I got a stack of cards and. I can't shuffle (the blues)

Balatro is technically solitaire

Everyone does not have two wolves inside of them They have one little guy pestering them inside of their brain You get to name him but you also have to feel pain

"I saw the sign" "It opened up my eyes I saw the sign" Okay so but how did you see it

Today someone talked to me about the shadow the hedgehog game where he shoots guns and then soundly beat me in mario kart

AI can't shit my ass

Jesus christ I ate some taco bell earlier didn't i

Took an online autism test and they didn't give me the results and now im upset

Not only does our dog daycare offer overnight boarding, we will straight up take your dog forever and you won't be able to find us on Google

As a man who identifies with michael cera, seeing him in dockers has me scrambling

Something to think about

Being the best at checkers is more impressive than being the best at chess.

If you ever feel bad, search your first name + poop into spotify

I subscribe to a belief system called "brooms invincible" which contends that just because I have never seen anyone snap a broom in half, they are not breakable. They might not even exist

I am a tall man with a mall plan (it is strip malls that have mostly abandoned businesses and many stray dogs)

I fuck with food now

Big Beefy Cumulonimbus, its rippling muscles taunt me from above

Sippin on stink

I am becoming known as a friday cool shirt guy and im currently embroiled in a battle for funny sock guy

When I want to know which guitarists are overrated and underrated, the absolute last person I want an opinion from is another guitarist

These are my walking around noises. You know, clicking my tongue and walking back out of the room I've entered, tuneless whistling, barely audible cursing, and my personal favorite - humming a little song when people are around to make my presence known, it's like putting on your hazards

Its a proven fact that you can shit your pants

Several things in your way forever

I masquerade as being frugal but in reality I have nothing and I am careless

Performative Masculinity Is A Sin

What's up nerds? We're all meeting up after lunch to chainsmoke for the rest of the day. You losers need a ride?

My computer is made out of the parts of my brain that don't work, meaning that I must achieve symbiosis every time I send an email

If Satan was a beverage it would be 4Loko - Breakfast (Chicken & Waffles)

I've built things you wouldn't believe. Caffeine The Wheel God The Internet Light (squared)

Sharks i own a business called Impossible Puzzles where we specialize in what we are calling the "Almost Experience." Anyone can make a puzzle that doesn't fit together, but to make it *mostly* fit together is an homage to the genre

Home Depot backwards sounds like Moped Emo which sounds like a Hit New Genre

If i was a king my cape would be a new huge quilt every time you saw me

So the thing about Justin Timberlake is that Sexy never went out style I love you man, but you didn't reinvent sexy

I got eaten by a goddammed ghoul

I ate a bunch of fucking poop

At the end of Karate Kid, the Big Kick originally was Daniel in high heels

Socks and Soups Saturdays where we get to wear cool socks and eat soup. Mandatory overtime

This sign is so cooperative. We're all in this together

Please give me a word