As someone who has watched almost 2.5 USMNT matches over the past few years, let me assure you this is who they really are.

It’s cool as hell that America has cities like New York and Chicago and San Diego and also places like Yellowstone, Yosemite, Glacier, Acadia, etc etc etc. Unbelievable diversity.

Soccer is more fun than I expected but the players are even bigger floppers than I could have ever imagined. The stereotype undersells it.

* Adam Sandler voice* AND I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU … HUSBAND AND WIFE!

Absolutely gutted for a country I’ve never heard of in a sport I don’t really watch.

If a guy near you at the bar said this you’d slide down a few seats but if a billionaire says it we have to write a news story.

😏 😏 😏

Being productive on a Monday.

A whole social media website about air conditioning and alt text.

are we sure trump actually won an election

Okay fine, I’ll ask: What is New York City?

Do you ever just miss Anthony Rizzo

The Chicago Cubs have become the first MLB team to ever have 8 10-game winning streaks and 8 10-game losing streaks in the same season.

It’s so wild how people talk about AI like its feelings will be hurt if it gets left out. The kid you don’t want to invite to your birthday party but your mom makes you invite them anyway.

Trump likes exactly two people on earth: Himself and Zohran Mamdani.

I dunno, man. It's tiring to read stuff like this and know there are zero consequences ever coming for anyone involved.

The Cubs have won 10 straight two separate times this year. It’s May 8.

I can't believe we've had to hear about this guy for 40 years. And we'll have to hear about him tomorrow, too.

Cubs shrimp!!!!

PETE. PETE!

Look, you're never gonna feel good about a guy named "Hoby Milner" coming in to pitch for your team. It's just not gonna happen.

It should be illegal to put this man on TV. No one should have to watch him talk.

All my homies hate Matt Shaw

*touches earpiece* I'm hearing Cubs.

The Cubs are like 15-3 since I posted this. I’ll do it again if I need to!

Getting mad that all 55 copies of Apollo 13 are checked out.

Still feel like "Musk and his crew of incels destroyed a bunch of stuff they didn't understand and thereby hastened the deaths of millions of children" did not get the public attention it warranted.

Man, this Cubs team is just so utterly lacking in sauce. The Patagonia vest of baseball teams.

this is the ceasefire agreement that trump agreed to, which to me looks like an insane strategic defeat for the US

This is good because I found out I still have the capacity to be absolutely revolted by something.

I-L-L?!?

Matt Shaw looking terrible going into far-right field to catch that ball.

war_iran_final-blow_v1.pdf war_iran_final-final-blow-v2.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits.pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1).pdf war_iran_final-blow-no edits (1) APPROVED.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL.pdf IRANWARPLANSFINALFINALFINAL (1).pdf

Actually lol'd

I don't think this administration is ready for the backlash they're going to face when the random Accenture account managers on the 10 am PHX to ATL flight start to see this stuff up close.

Ben-Johnson-ass export feature over here.

Our chronically online lovable QB Caleb Williams working the Maxx Crosby angle hard today.

everyone is extraordinarily desperate to pretend that Donald Trump is a coherent individual with a real plan who understands what is happening in the world and none of that is true

An all-timer bizarre Trump article. A high bar to clear and it does.

Still so funny that Trump did a real-life "My 'we have plenty of missiles' shirt has people asking a lot of questions answered by my shirt" post a few days ago and hey guess what

people are out in the streets begging for crumbs

70% of the U.S. economy is consumer spending. Genuinely want to know what these tech billionaires think is going to happen if their predictions are right.

That old “trade him for a bag of balls” phrase is meant as an insult but folks, I just got a bag of balls for free off Facebook Marketplace and I’m pretty pumped so who’s to say what’s right.

The grimmest tech bro post to ever grim.

I show my ID every time I vote! This is stupid! Someone tell them they're stupid!

Maybe this means it’ll happen today.

The beacon of Amon Din is lit.

The best QB of the 2026 postseason was … (anyone?)

Halftime show in broad daylight. Everything about this game is wrong.