Feel like the Spurs have led 90% of playing time and won ::checks notes:: 1 game

Nobody wants to have kids anymore because of shartphones

Get the fuck up you wanker

Rubio hates immigrants so much because he has the ears of a sub Saharan African elephant 👂

OH FUCK MY ANKLE’S BROKEN! No wait I’m fine ::jogs along::

Floppers are chompers Chompers are floppers

I wouldn’t play defense either if I can lazily draw an offsides

They should get russia to do a drone show during that ufc fight

Ya know what prevents 20pt leads and makes the nba watchable? Defense

Depresh sesh

🎶the industry plant into rock!🎶

WHERE DO I VOTE

I think the reason we haven’t successfully simulated the spark of life in the lab is because it’s dependent on frequent asteroid/comet impacts

Huge JT putt to post. I think -7 or -8 will win it but still

I think I’m officially desensitized to the existential dread

Schmid is mid

Sports can be problematic, sure, but at least it has authentic human drama and emotion. You know what doesn’t? Reality TV 🚮

This chickenshit butchered my parents one by one right in front of me. It’s only fair that I get the chance to murder and dethrone him

🚨🚨🚨 WHITE PELICANS ON LAKE MICHIGAN THIS IS NOT A DRILL 🚨🚨🚨

Scottie Scheffler get bent with yer aw shucks bible bonkin bullshit

A golfer named Schmid is too hilarious to comprehend

America farced

Haven’t felt this sad, enraged, and hopeless since mom died

I love that you’re always one step ahead and everything works out for you, extremely online person I don’t know

They’re pumping and dumping the global stock market

Tried to make a fanta virus joke involving juggalos but I guess they love faygo 😒

Fight me, jesus

I coulda bought my own house if it weren’t for Jon Fishman

Says the guy allergic to his own nut

No repees

Took a red eye to Charleston to help my buddy move because why not

I fucking love @phichigan.bsky.social. So great to wrage that whole show with you my man 🫶

I’ve been wading in the sloppy sea

It’s Night Zero all over again 😵‍💫

Turned to my buddy during Bug and said, “You ready for the First Tube?” He lifts his leg, slaps the side of his Hokas, and says, “Fuck yeah, I’m ready” 💀

BEST NIGHT OF MY FUCKING LIFE

Now’s the only time you’re allowed to woo tonight btw

Fish said NO

Shphere is Yiddish for “doing drugs inside an orb”

Dork Puddle

After Tube they didn’t start taking off their instruments so I yelled, “Oh, there’s more???” followed by, “Ah fuck, I didn’t mean More!!!”

Can’t believe they passed around the collection plate during More ⛪️

Maybe so and maybe slop

Might move to the high desert simply because my hair looks amazing

Hummingbirb at the pool! 😍