I forgot that I had baby hearts just hanging out in the fridge that I should probably eat I think there's two brains too

*points at the orange one and shrieks* THIS WASN'T A FEVER DREAM? THAT REALLY HAPPENED?

He’s walked under a ladder Told his wife to calm down Saw a face in the sewer And talked to the clown He once finished a meal And swam right away He once met Chuck Norris And pointed out the toupee He’s taken expired Advil And torn tags from a bed He’s

I thought I was working on a different story a short while back, and now I can't remember which one it was

Host: Does anybody know what Corey Lewandowski 's Side Project is? Contestant: is it Christi Noem? Other contestant: no, that's a side piece. They're different

Tanya says she thinks the kitten actually likes me She runs up to greet me when I come home She sits with me in the kitchen when I'm eating I think it's BC I'm snack mama She likes my mum a lot too (she's food mama)

IS THIS LA LLORONA?

There's a pair of retirees on the dance floor and they are so fucking adorable

12 foot skeleton at death guild Also not sure, but I think there's a la Llorona here on the dance floor

I kinda want to get under my blankets, but the baby is asleep on my foot and I can't disturb her

In other news: She's running in her sleep

I thought this guy was a monk and they showed him from the waist up and he looked like he was wearing monk robes but they pulled back and dude is wearing a brown hoodie and khakis, but they say he's a barefoot Carmelite Don't lie to me That's a hipster on vacation

This show is talking about how these nuns had an older nun exhumed and now I've got a weird image in my head of three nuns with shovels digging up a cemetery

The documentary ended and she flopped forlornly at my feet.

Update: she still hasn't moved And she's learning what cows and reptiles are

Note to self: find more documentaries on German that have to do with nature or birds. I'm learning new words and my kitten is loving the shit out of watching the birds

It's funnier the longer I look at it

Now you can't help but think this too

I believe in you, little guy

The anti-perfectionist manifesto: “Wow Them with the Minimum.” Funky embroidery on old quilt piece. #artquilt quiltsky #slowstitch #imperfection #embroidery

I thought I did more than that, but I wrote 608 words yesterday

New favourite phrase: I'm the middleman between people's dreams and reality

Holy shit People are letting me put in my two cents in about the movie?

I'm the one who drank coffee. The kitten is the one bouncing off the walls I'm not sure I appreciate this transfer of energy

She was just staring into the middle distance before she passed out She's so weird

That’s Me(사) 🐿️🚀 #ATEEZ #HONGJOONG #에이티즈 #홍중 #ATEEZfanart #Khunkaem

Kitten update: The back scratcher continues to work it's magic Excellent

Goddammit The Germans are like that too. Dude building a treehouse for a vacation property suspended by a harness looks at the camera: Sometimes we like to hang out

The fuck did I do? Why did I do this WHAT HAS SCIENCE DONE

I always feel like someone's forgotten me at this doctor's office

I can't recall ever being in a doctor's office where they've opened the window How odd

shinee be like: lucifer 🫳 🫸 🫳 🫸 🫳 🫸

Kitten update: she got up and did her kitten things, whatever they may be And immediately came back to sleep on my tumbly Last time she did that I had a concussion and she purred in my ear all night

*screaming, retching, hiding under the blanket* Ugh She fucking farted again

Timeless humour! A 2,000 year-old Roman souvenir pen with a joke inscription roughly equivalent to: “I went to Rome and all I got you was this cheap pen!" 😂 Dated circa 70 AD, this iron stylus pen was recovered in London during excavations by MOLA. 📷 Juan Jose Fuldain/MOLA #Archaeology

The child enjoys the back scratcher and it has put her back to sleep

Kitten update: this is the third night she's fallen asleep on my bed I'm starting to think she likes me... Kinda

I love how all I can see are her eyebrows and whiskers

Kitten update: She enjoys the fuck out of the back scratcher Will make more use of it

I had a linguistic? Ish question that @jesszafarris.bsky.social might be able to answer If the word ugly in French is 'laid' Is that why we call getting laid 'bumping uglies'?

THE KITTEN LET ME TOUCH HER TUM!

The shower took all my energy

Need to figure out what to make for me and my aunt for dinner

Took my first shower since December Yeah No Now I'm cold, wet, AND my skin hurts

WIP... Whatever day it is

1. Why is the French word for ugly 'laid' Is that why getting laid is called bumping uglies? 2. I think I figured out why people say 'It's not that deep' Deep is 'profond' in french #4amThoughts #ButIn #french

Trying so hard not to wake the baby by cooing at her

Such plan So many plan Vielen plan But my characters do what they want Also I don't have anyone to bounce ideas off of On account of my bff running off and joining an actual circus

[First day of work] Me: So that's one supreme to go box. Client: Funeral director: *pinches bridge of nose* For the last time, it's a coffin.