it’s very indiscreet of you to know what i am thinking

a hobby i have is to mentally prepare to do a task for months, finally be pressed into doing it by a looming deadline, sit down with enormous apprehension, and then have it take like seven minutes

i walk by this store every time and the name is infuriating to me. nuts to you. nuts to you. it's like a negative one entendre

convention all about me called lexicon

If you're a software engineer looking for a job in the NYC/NJ/PHL region let me know, I may finally be able to hire someone soon

daniel boorstin in 1961:

had a dream that i tried to get a tattoo artist to give me a "cool Eeyore"

whenever i use any kitchen appliance linky becomes absolutely terrified and follows me around making this face

i was walking with lyra and we saw a bluescreened ad like this and i said "see you can tell it's actually just a big computer screen, but it doesn't really work that differently to the ones we have at home" and she said "who cares". 7yos are basically teenagers

telling the kids at first communion to "act like you've been there before"

they should let you use custom audio configs at the self checkout

big rice accident

helped train a service dog at the grocery store. yes i would say i am a hero

boy who spent 30 minutes remembering where he saw an olive at the start of his walk and scheming how to get back to the olive

learned a new dance the kids are into. you stand perfectly stock still, yell "do the batwing BEAT" and clap over your head in 4/4 time

does this piece have a purpose other than to get loose and have to be tightened occasionally

thinking about daniel boorstin’s writing of how vacations went from “traveling” to “sightseeing”, removing all the friction and unfamiliarity in favor of cruises and guided tours. people love trading away curiosity to avoid discomfort

get drivers license today. drivers license fast. drivers license today seven years old

if you’re like me and somehow never saw the JJ Putz thing, here you go. it is amazing.

(snatching a slushie from a small child) this is for your health

I have to convince my neighbors to buy another ~50 native plants before I leave for Connecticut on June 5th (doing a mural in Willimantic!!!). I’m worried they’ll die while I’m gone if they don’t get into bigger pots. If you’re a Philly person and want to plant any of these species, get at me!

the rules of ensconcement

paulina borsook in 2000 comparing tech companies “donating” tech and software to schools to cats bringing dead rats for their owners

“how am i supposed to explain gay people to my kid” how am i supposed to explain homophobia to MY kid

fine i’ll bite. which regard?

trying a new cake

almost forgot to be thanked. thankfully i have corrected the error

jon kruk just explained his idea for a fun family event at the ball game where before the game children get to drive real cars on the field and crash them into each other

people keep trying to scam me by posing as local arborists i don’t even know

"bitch" came on my shuffle playlist and lyra said "oh another boring old fashioned song" and it's the hardest i've ever had to work to hide my hurt feelings from her

chalk bags are so useful for if you gotta spill a whole bunch of chalk everywhere

he thinks dogs are allowed to vote but that would be chaos

anyone i am at least slightly acquainted with want a free ticket to see lucinda williams with me tomorrow night @ union transfer? my mom cancelled

Hey Philly! We’ve got a chance to send a dem socialist to congress w/ @chrisrabb.com AND hundreds of people across the city are running to democratize their wards, which mean we can take away power from the corrupt dem leadership! www.reclaimphiladelphia.org/blog/2026/5/...

ok harriet let’s see you find a motive

no bud i cant bring you! it’s called a cat scan not a dog scan. seriously though they would get mad at me

this is a state sponsored children's torture camp

not a fan of the word gobs

dilletontays

the dodgers booth just alleged that "your body takes the shape of the pitch you are going to throw, like if you are going to throw a curveball your body gets rounder"

hi hi hi hi oh were you trying to go to the bathroom

“my mom is as helpful as gps” is killing me lol

my dad has been doing this for years. after a while he moved on to parmesan rinds instead

really want to go visit the cave who wants to swim to the cave with me

resetting the "days since a dad has lit up a cigar and smoked out the school pickup area while everyone gives him dirty looks" counter to 0

they're calling it the perdge

parents at swim class telling their kids that if they break things or don’t listen to the instructor they will go to jail where there is no food. less than ideal

ffs consult: 10 days

saw a jersey at the concert

putting a lil :) on my financial crimes email, to keep the tone light