this christmas I’m tallying the number of tamales I eat with a sharpie on my sweat-drenched back like I’m a dirty pig bottom counting loads

who am I going to see at Mall Drag Chicago this week

haaaaaaaaate the moment when the little hole appears in the center of a chapstick tube

that’s niece

the Lincoln Square twinkle lights are an SSRI

no shade, genuinely curious: when the hell did everybody learn how to play Magic the Gathering

now reading

lusting after any/all of the Kelce men is a sign that you lack mental fortitude btw

right, right

the girlies are wormposting in the groupchat

forgot it closes at 5p on Fridays

my favorite way to unwind is with a Virginia Slim and a BIG scoop of cottage cheese, half a tomato

going to the library after work today

friday. but at what cost.

why isn’t there a Taco Bell in my apartment

crème anglaise is heavy in eggs, darling

quick can anybody tell me what the point is

feelin like pussy feelin like gunt

it’s december 1st, how many quarts of egg nog am I gonna consume before the new year

monday ugh

sincerely thought it was illegal to be ugly while employed as a flight attendant

I am 50% wake and 50% bake by volume right now

tore

is the double dutch bus still runnin

big guy

She’s bogtrottin’.

crap rangoon

nothing i hate more than a gay guy who smells bad and u can tell he’s getting some erotic pit-pig thrill out of his own BO

autumnal

can I go one day as a bald hottie without getting served hair plug content on social media

Gun’t Misbehavin’

wouldst thou like to live FernGulliciously

fill my trough bitch

the way I am going to cave my own head in with a military grade edible and watch 15 episodes of Buffy when I get home today

Gun’t Misbehavin’

Bruce Bogtrotter?? I barely know ‘er!!

I’m still here btw

I think I might be Unlikeable™

tuesday :/

Pokémon needs voiceovers because the average Pokétuber can barely read at a sixth grade reading level

I like going to the park!! I like walking through it!!

I for one am NOT afraid to float some ice cream in a beer!!

I dropped 75lbs on jenny craig and she died

nonbinary pappardelle

I'm still here btw

dentist told me she loves to see me every six months because I take such good care of my teeth

since I can’t do a poll here yet I’m just going to definitively state that the best mashed potatoes are skin-on and chunky

Tori Amos has sons