“Yes, very good sir. This will absolutely own the liberals”

I’m so serious when I say this: Teach your kids how to properly build a campfire and they’ll love you for it. “What if they get burned?” Then it’s a great time to learn first aid and they’ll learn to be more careful around it

Ah so this is their final solution on the matter then in their minds

“Hey I think I’m gonna runaway to the woods” always sounds like a fun idea but most people can’t handle the shadow people being perpetually in the corners of their eyes after awhile for some reason. I don’t think they’re too bad. Idk, they don’t really do anything other than lurk. Kind of lame

It seems I’ve gone to birds. That’s ok. The birds are so pretty anyway

Russell T. Davies almost certainly made sure he wasn’t in Britain when he dropped one of the biggest bomb shell of disappoints in recent Doctor Who history. I’ve seen how insane the brits get over soccer, they’ll give him the Cromwell treatment for this

It’s funnier knowing the owners want to do this because they fucked up by buying the land for a new stadium without checking the area to see if a stadium would work in the area and so now they are losing money. That’s why they wanted the tax payers to build their stadium

Yes, please, learn Latin. It’s definitely not the “woke professors.” Rather it’s university systems/admin, educational boards, and legislators who are cutting and limiting the teaching of things like Latin.

Tempted to eat some strange fruit I found

tl,dr; Scientists no longer allowed to use federal funding to publish, attend meetings, or talk to the public. They cannot collaborate internationally. Grants can be cancelled for any reason, at any time, political appointees have a final say over what gets funded, and who gets funded.

“What’s your source” I was communing with the spirits and verbally harassed the original author

Of course Gen Ai doesn’t do anything meaningful. The people who keep pushing for it think otherwise and amazed by it are the dullest people around at best. “I asked ChatGPT” Well I asked your mom what she thought of you and she regrets not getting that abortion

Midwesterners aren’t actually 70% water like the rest of humanity. 70% of various liquids sure but I’d hardly call Ethanol and cheap beer but there’s some water in there somewhere if you look around enough

I’ve never seen anymore reveal just how selfish they really are other than the boomers when it comes to the death of one of their relatives

“Now I’m going to have to build a better friend.” Jfc, these people need to be forced outside for like 6 months straight at all times

Vampires are real. They just don’t sparkle or drink blood anymore. They still feed off us but not in the way that’s familiar to us. They just feed on your wealth, fear, and labor.

140 years. They’ll take your blood, data, and time. They’ll tell you that you should be grateful for what you have when it isn’t even the bare minimum. 140 years. The economy is booming. Need help? No handouts unless you are a company of course. The economy must never not be booming.

If you need a machine to help you make decisions, seek therapy anyway possible. Genuinely, for your own sake, if not everyone else’s

It was just pointed out to me that I say “spelt” instead spelled. I’ve never used “spelt” in place of ‘spelled’ in my writings afaik, but I never noticed I adopted the British pronunciation at some point ig

In 20 years, those kids are gonna go no contact from their parents I’m almost sure of it

“I wish I could ask ‘Who hurt you?’ to whoever wrote this.” They were talking about the KJV Bible 💀 I mean I think it’s safe to say Queen Lizzie didn’t…help the situation

Is it illegal to curse someone with eternal hemorrhoids? It’s amazing how something so small can cause so much discomfort

Ooo I can hear the bats are outside tonight 💜

If you can hear something walking in the dark, it’s intentional

Mama made spaghet gobbless

“It’s actually Belisarius, not Belusarius. I don’t understand how anyone…” My Latin teacher told me I didn’t have to worry about people like you outside of cocktail parties. Like you could have just given me the proper pronunciation instead and moved on. Christ I hope I was never that insufferable

“Oh, these aren’t prehistoric so Alex wouldn’t be interested in eating them…” Incorrect, I respect my contemporary archaeology colleagues and will honour them by eating these too.

If you die before me, I’ll think “What would you do?” As if you were still here get a drink Even if my memory fades, I’ll see you Death is an end, but you’d still live on In every tabby and orange cat In every rose and shot of tequila I hope you can be ok with that

BREAKING: Maryland is about to become the first state in the nation to ban the use of surveillance data and dynamic pricing at grocery stores. The Maryland House has just passed the Protection from Predatory Pricing Act. Governor Wes Moore plans to sign the bill.

jd vance negotiating with Iran

Current status of the Strait of Hormuz dispute

Surely, this will reduce the price of gas

Sowing Seeds of Lore. They might not all grow but if any of them work out, it’ll be a fun story to tell later

To think, they thought this man should lead the negotiations

I got $20 on the US Government kidnapping the Pope

Get in losers. We’re writing Trucker Yaoi

People around me never understand why I can’t just at least treat Ancient Aliens or that ilk as “silly nonsense” is cuz people fucking believe it and it has real world consequences. “It could have been aliens!” And it could’ve been aliens who fucked your mom last night but the data says it was me so

Make Hotdogs Affordable Again

“Sorry, we have to let your grandma burn to death because private equity made us sell our equipment and replaced it with a donkey hauling barrels of water on a wagon. Also the same company is also going to buy the land and put a Dollar General on your grandma’s still smoldering corpse.”

Eh but at least I’m not Pam Bondi so life ain’t that bad

You see every day is April Fool’s Day when you are God’s most hopeful fool

Artemis II Mission Fails After Astronauts Miss Connection Rocket In Atlanta https://theonion.com/artemis-ii-mission-fails-after-astronauts-miss-connection-rocket-in-atlanta/

Didn’t even know this was gonna happen since it was mostly overshadowed by literally everything else going on

Well, I’ll certainly have a lot to talk about in therapy tomorrow

Yearning is out. Might try seizing. Maybe a little producing. Perhaps even some liberating.

I bet at least 50% of the people who double down on “maybe the curtains were just blue!” literally just didn’t do the assigned readings in high school

Oh yeah it was the grain dole that bankrupted the Roman Empire. Surely it wasn’t all the rich people siphoning off resources and the constant expensive wars. No that definitely couldn’t have had anything to do with it

After two days on strike, nearly 1,000 faculty at NYU won huge concessions from the university. Everyone in the CFU-UAW union will now get a raise of at least $14,000. The deal also includes 3.5% raises each year of the contract, better job security, and more.

This madness can’t continue. This is bullshit. I need to buy a new fucking phone