Grand Maw Tarkin

aglio olio (I'm broke!)

when I've had too many drinks, it's called sloppy floppy

Let me tell you bout my BEST FRIEND

some loads refused party BYOL

sometimes in the fall my wife dresses up like a dock worker extra from the movie ROCKY

mamdani shouldn't go to the white House imo only political take you'll see from me today

Get your armor and suit up.

calling my wife a simp whenever she shows a passing interest in me

*showing my wife a three minute vertical video of a guy doing stand-up* you're going to love this. he doesnt get any respect

remembering all the trans people on my timeline today

I spent lots of time chatting with the Nazi bot on Nazi dot com and giving ad revenue to the world’s richest Nazi in order to create these screenshots that you’ll hate. Enjoy

getting pink eye from doing 69 wrong

Rubbermaid boyfriend Tupperware girlfriend

jerking off my dick to celebrate men's day, already looking forward to next year's celebration (jerking off)

I love my dog so much

update: the dog is super warm to cuddle with and is sound asleep 12/10 experience, never take me away from here

Gladys, hold all my calls, I found my dog asleep on my hoodie.

NNN Never-Not Nutting November

grabbing a gift horse in a rear naked choke hold until I hear it snoring

a penguin is a bird that cannot fly! I am a man! I have a name!

Getting kicked off my professional sports team for saying "sorry!" too much

flew too close to the sun (added 3rd egg to my omelette)

Quicksand, but it's loose one dollar bills in a Midwestern grain silo. The FBI refers to me as "The Scrooge McDuck Killer"

Tinder profile "I named my dick War Wolf after the mythically proportioned medieval siege machine. "

Me after listening to any Hole song: "This is my favorite Hole song."

Orgy! At The Battle of Thermopylae!

pretending I'm Xerxes while feeding pizza crusts to my dog

tucking a can of soup behind my ear like a cigarette

Adding "donated to Wikipedia in 2003" to my LinkedIn profile

ABC Always Be Annoying

Ferment Nexus

listen to the hyenas in there

I love dogshit as much as the next guy,

turbid member

wake me up when they invent AI Slurp

Gandalf the taupe

imagine if he dies on a Monday morning of thanksgiving week? might be the best week of all time

Bridgeton Season 3: Fingerbangin'

making new friends after drunkenly confusing "oubliet" and "omelette" in my instructions to the guards at the palace on where to show my sworn enemies.

Trump not being at UFC in the New York is massive.

Beverly D'Angelo is great in everything

🎶Islands in the stream🎶 🎶That is what we are🎶

@radiofreetom.bsky.social what other presidents have given each other blowjobs?

reply guy etiquette 101: everyone likes an "lol"

wearing the pants that make my pants tent huge

I DID MY PART! I watched a Yaphet Kotto movie today, have YOU?!

lmao

1. I forgot Hook is technically a Christmas movie. 2. I also forgot the part where Hook actually takes the children is absolutely terrifying