heard the dogs hollerin in the backyard and thought the little one might have jumped the fence again. called them in, only the little one (who had not jumped the fence after all) came running back. the pyr refused to leave, i guess bc him and the neighbor huskies were busy having their conversation

RIP to portugal. the man but my wife and i have been changing their lyrics to be about cheating on your wife all day and honestly we're having a great time

on the one hand, all the people obsessing over dietary protein has created some extremely funny advertising. on the other hand, people would literally rather get colon cancer than eat plants?? you need fiber

tbh if you have a minor in your house who gets diagnosed with strep throat i think they should just give the parents antibiotics too. and by the parents i mean me. because im already sick and also have a sick kid and do not want to deal with a second doctor's appointment

poasting this unflattering photo of my dog's ... to Shame them

update from god emporer: i am begging the ghost of Frank Herbert to let this poor man die

looking back on it, i think we can all agree the concept of "beautiful mid" was absolutely the most deranged thing to come out of the manosphere, right

dune is one of crush guy's favorite book series and now he has to deal with me on my bullshit before 9am bc i have been rereading them

on the one hand, it sucks if i miss a dose of tirzepatide bc i feel worse and worse over the next week until i take the next dose. on the other hand, it's weirdly reassuring to know i wasn't hallucinating my pain levels before i started the meds

The real answer isn’t that students decided to shut up. It’s that universities, and a hostile federal government, have expended massive resources trying to ensure they do.

my dad just got out of surgery, is very high on morphine, and is texting me about godzilla. everybody pls say "get well soon" and or "go go godzilla"

it honestly could not have been funnier bc i hit the foot of the escalator right as the train was saying"the doors will be closing" and fully committed to the sprint. all of my weight was on that foot to do a hard stop inside the car

frowning at me as hard as her swollen, paralyzed brow would allow

the comfort is knowing every single person who just saw me slip on a napkin and fall banana peel style on the plane train will absolutely, without a doubt, remember the sight of me cartoonishly eating shit.

my kid has started shaving their legs and keeps insisting i feel their legs afterwards. naturally, i responded in kind after using veet by busting into their room and shouting "BEHOLD MY CHEMICAL HAIRLESSNESS"

im not saying every single journalist who went to the whcd deserved it for being an irredeemably complicit fascist but i genuinely don't get why anybody who isn't an irredeemably complicit fascist would desire to attend. nobody willing to properly and fully roast him was gonna be allowed on stage

as i was saying

"give us your minerals or we will force you to watch your children die slow, miserable deaths" i become more communist every day

starting to think the secret service doesn't like these people www.bbc.com/news/live/c1...

this is one of the many reasons i am calling them concentration camps and not detention centers

i have finally achieved my ultimate form: making dad jokes about my kid's orientation

shameless engagement bait but which city name would be the funniest if you replaced all its vowels with e? examples include: etlente, steen meenteen, beee-cemeeee

why are "pleasant" and "pleasing" polite words when "pleasure" is risque and carries sexual connotations? what does that say about our culture?

my mom just sent me this, everyone please congratulate my mom for her dope taste in music youtu.be/0Ssi-9wS1so?...

it is devastating to notice how few benches there are in the world and how some benches have been replaced by weird "leaning" things. the world is incredibly cruel to disabled, elderly, poor, pregnant, tired, homeless, and all people. there should be benches fucking everywhere for everyone

i think these people genuinely believe what they're saying here, and the one thing im not seeing in this conversation is anybody making any feasible, concrete, actionable suggestions for what to do about the ~20 percent of the population who really truly feel this way

ngl i figured the "behold, sexual hairlessness" punchline would have landed better here

i have a crush on this guy, somebody find out if he's unmarried and likes thick jewish women with multiple degrees youtube.com/shorts/1U_BR...

i have once again made the deeply questionable choice to try and wax my own pubes, and once again i have given up after the first strip. i sent a photo of my new bald patch to crush guy with the caption "behold, sexual hairlessness"

when u think ab it, waluigi is just the version of luigi that fucks

there's a lot going on in this buffet lobby

The head of the FBI isn't supposed to be getting blackout drunk. He's supposed to be cross-dressing

from looksmax dot org, a guide to bonesmashing spoilers: it absolutely reads like it was written by a guy who's on five different psychoactive drugs and actively hitting himself in the head with a hammer

i bet it feels so good to be a midwit. all that unearned confidence...

i live in georgia, where pornhub is banned. the porn i like is the kind where two consenting adults are clearly extremely into each other, usually amateur stuff. while i was trying to find Something i stumbled across a website where the boring, normal stuff was right next to zoophilia.

the child tied a ribbon to the dog's harness and the cat is having the best day of his entire life. the dog is also thrilled, but that's his reaction to everything.

no it's cool i love how apps just crash all the time now because of ill-conceived LLM integration

jokes aside this is the exact same profile serial killers have

back in my day we called this polysubstance use disorder but i guess pentastack does have fewer syllables

part of child liberation/nuclear family abolition needs to be correcting all the overtly anti-child narratives ppl have adopted over the past few decades. whether you like it or not, as a member of a community you have a responsibility to everyone, including and especially children, in the community

president xi PLs

i know "queers and steers" was originally a dunk on Texas but i feel like it would make an excellent substitute for "ladies and gentlemen"

i made the mistake of posting a sincere political opinion and now my mentions are annoying

i am acquainted with one of janelle monae's cousins and all she has to say ab her superstar relative is that she is tough to be around at family gatherings. i can imagine why

jokes aside, if the bourgeoisie paid any attention to real history (and not just the glorified western chauvinist fictions they're calling history) they would realize the violence will only continue to escalate until they let go of control and treat the masses fairly and with respect

in honor of yom hashoah, my lost ancestors, and the inter-generational traumas that shaped my existence and life: free palestine. never again is now.

been thinking a lot lately ab the goyim in my life who hear me talk about judaism and say things like "maybe i could be jewish," and how that squares with judaism being actively anti-missionary. at the extremes it can mean insularity but it also means people only convert when they actively want to

also if this woman actually had any meaningful contact with the tribe she would have called them goyim

this is only a problem when you're trying to convert to orthodox judaism btw. even conservative jews are like "listen you didn't come out of a jewish vagina but you're welcome to convert"