What if we, and stick with me here, created a technology that absolutely no one asked for that would completely destroy the usability/enjoyment of the Internet Think Google, but wronger Facebook, but more pronazi Airline industry, but more polluting And we would stick it in EVERY FUCKING APP

Wait wait wait STOP EVERYTHING 🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧 You listening? 🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧🎩🥧 Why is it called a clitoris and not Little Red Hiding Hood?

The important thing to remember is that climate change is a hoax. The weather you're feeling is definitely not real

You're amazing

We don't talk about I Can't Believe It's Not Butter enough anymore

Why did we let Gary Larson go?

Roses are red I painted my house blue I don't think anyone Actually understands stew

Dirty Dancing, but it's just someone with bad hygiene

Anytime else provide this app like it rhymes with Rusky?

me whenever I start telling people about my special interests

No one ever warned you how stupid facism would be

I saw a hummingbird That is all

Listening to an audiobook is reading

I'm still alive (all three of you)

Three men live together platonically All of them suck And make sure to cast a a dirty comedian, a creep, and a hot guy to play the dad and uncles. -Full House pitch

Please sir, can I have some more engagement?

1. Donuts 2. Ice cream 3. Brownies

🎵 I'm bringing cringy back. You other fuckers don't know how to act 🎵

I still leave some dirt under my pillow

I still love y'all

WHO WROTE THIS?

There's something about hairy

I miss when I was funny

I'm the Pope of small dicks Where's my conclave?!

Bacon is just pig chips

What fresh hell are we living in now?!

I still remember thinking the Grave Dancers Union cover art was salacious

He Wants You Poor And Divided That's it. That explains most of this.

Imagine spending $8 a month to ride on the Titanic *after* it started to sink

Why don't you slut shame me anymore?

Roses are red My lips are blue I thought I was alive But I ate too much goo

*must not chase last viral post* *Must not keep the same format* *Must not chase the same concept* Ugh

The world needs more white women making wine puns

Who is your favorite BS person to follow?

The ancient Redditor in me saw this and was like: Read Long Too Didn’t Read Long

Me: I feel a whoop coming on My therapist: Me: a whoop... My therapist: Me: a whoop... My therapist: ok, we've clearly.... Me: WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP My therapist: reached the end of the session... Me: COTTON CANDY SWEET AS GOLD...

Dentists are weirdos

My number of experiences with quicksand is way way lower than what my childhood led me to believe

I don't give af what anyone says. Eyes and teeth should be covered by health insy

On my way to celebrate Pie Day

They have exactly zero motivation to help you be unpoor. Everything they're doing is designed to keep you poor and exhausted. Then you can't fight back when they raid the place.

Burritos are just tacos that are too big to eat

FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS MAYONNAISE FLATBREAD IS PIZZA AOLI IS

Donut here and do nut here are remarkably similar considering how fundamentally different they agree

Roses are red It's Valentine's Day Having sex with someone your same gender Sometimes means you might be gay

Roses are red Violets are blue I'd like to do anal But then my dick would smell like poopoo

Roses are red You have a disease The sex was good But not your junk has bumps like you had fleas

Video killed the radio whore

Roughly 1/8 of my brain is just Mitch Hedberg jokes. "I still do, but I used to too" "I want a regular banana later" "I haven't slept for days"