What's that Cleo? Stella is stuck at the bottom of a silly storyline designed to annoy Bluesky #TheArchers listeners?

George: This is the best thing that ever happened to me! Amber: About that. I'm hoping it's your baby, but who knows what happened in Ireland .. Plus, there's always the possibility that I was insane when I "agreed" to try for a baby, so I might change my mind. George: Aaaargh! #TheArchers

Jazzer: So how are you at tossing? David: I'm a top-class tosser, probably the best tosser in the county ... #TheArchers

Ruth: You know all this inheritance business? We'll be dead when the children inherit the farm. David: Well yeah.. I suppose. Ruth: Why do we care what they do after we've gone? David: Um, protect Brookfield? I dunno. Ruth: Let's not bother. Farming is a tedious thankless task. #TheArchers

I'm musing on the picture of Kate soothing my stressful mind with meditation and yoga ... Nope. Can't see it. I'd much rather have Jakob directing me thanks. #TheArchers

George's apology to Kenton had all the hallmarks of a sulky teenager angling for the WiFi to be turned back on. Not exactly convincing when he immediately launched into trying to regain access to the Bull ... #TheArchers

I really don't think I would like the smell of curly kale emanating from my husband .... (or anyone else's husband for that matter). #TheArchers

@chrisworthing.bsky.social that account you reposted is absolutely fascinating. The photos are beautiful. I'm down a stained glass rabbit hole now!

All that farm talk also included the reference to the current eat seasonal home grown produce message. Support British farmers everyone! #TheArchers

I think I've settled a few scores. I'll have to consider next Saturday's preferred outcome storylines. #TheArchers

Pip: Where are mum and dad? New owner of Brookfield: Who? And by the way, get out of the cottage by the end of the week Pip: Ohhhh noooo ... #TheArchers

Brian: I've decided to atone for my many sins by becoming the hermit of Lakey Hill. I'll live in a hut eating only nuts and berries. Alice: Ummm can I have your bank account number? Brian: Sorry darling I've given away all my money to Poppy and Keira Grundy. #TheArchers

Tony: Why are we still working at our age? We're bloody old! Pat: You're right. I'm fed up with it all. Particularly the soup. Tony: Let's join Johnny on the high seas. Go off grid. Wear only swimsuits. Pat: Quick. Book the flights. I'm going to pack. Let's not tell the kids ... #TheArchers

Freddie: See here, I've had enough of this nonsense of not being in charge around here. I'm telling the Trustees to sod off and taking over. Lizzie: You can't do that! Freddie: I've taken legal advice. The Trust ended years ago. Get out of my house. Lizzie: But, but, but ... #TheArchers

David: You know what? I've had it with farming. Working all weathers, besieged by badgers. What's the point? Ruth: I've never liked it much myself truth be told. David: Let's sell up and retire to Tenerife. Ruth: OK!! Let's not tell the kids though. #TheArchers

Helen: Right, I'm off to Scotland to take up a sheep's cheese project. Tom: Thank God for that, we can't wait for you to get out of our house! Henry: You're on your own Mum. I'm going to live with George and Keira. They need an adult in their house to parent them. #TheArchers

Fallon: Don't worry about "that night" while you're away. I've wiped the CCTV Harrison: Eh? What are you on about? Fallon: We never need to speak of it again Harrison: We do need to talk about something though love. It's not really working is it .. you know us Fallon: Aarrrgghh #TheArchers

Brad: So the police fell for the Marky gang story? Amber: Worked a treat babe. Hacking their phones with those messages worked a treat! Brad: Right, now I've hacked into Brian's offshore bank account we can be off together. Amber: I'm glad I clonked him!! Brad: Glad he's OK though! #TheArchers

I think Saturdays on #TheArchers should consist of us writing preferred outcomes for the current storylines. So far, I've sent Clarrie and Keira off on an adventure, leaving their gormless family behind to fend for themselves. That'll teach the useless Grundy men for being horrible to Clarrie!

Clarrie: Keiraluv, is your bag still packed from when you was running away? Keira: nods (silently) Clarrie: let's you and Granma have an adventure together with MY REDUNDANCY MONEY. Keira: nods. Grabs bag and Clarrie's hand. Both smile and LEAVE! #TheArchers

Alice: He's a strong lad. He'll pull through. Emma: Yes, the Grundys are known for their thick heads. #TheArchers

Amber sounds as though she's Emily Blunt playing the young Queen Victoria. #TheArchers

Of course, what George should have said when he woke up with Emma harping on was .. "Hit me again. I can still hear her" #TheArchers

Is this the real show? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a podcast, no escape from reality. Mama - just killed a Grundy. Swung a bottle at his head, gave him a clonk and now he’s dead! #TheArchers

Comments inspired by tonight's episode are top quality. 🙌👏👏👏👏 Don't think I'll distress myself by interrupting my darts viewing to listen. #TheArchers

Will George harm anyone? I would say yes and it seems most likely his victim will be a woman. I believe Emma is most at risk. We already know what he thinks of her (not anything good) and probably blames her for everything wrong in his life. #TheArchers

George's current story had been building for virtually his whole life. His bitter mainly miserable parents, the paternity dispute, his confused feelings about step dad/uncle and stepmother. Treated with kid gloves by virtually his whole family who feel guilty/sorry for him. 1/2 #TheArchers

An extremely accurate description of the effect of current #TheArchers story line maze. Brandy and Benylin you say? Might give it a go.

Is this Crispin bloke actually a Christian? We all know Peggy wasn't actually that keen on loving your neighbour, turning the other cheek, and passing through the eye of a needle and all that christianity stuff .. Maybe he's a Satanist. #TheArchers

David is forcibly reminding me of one of those red-faced grumpy old men on Question Time. #TheArchers

That was a very quick affair 😳 Bit of squelchy snogging and it's all over. #TheArchers

What the flippity flop is going on with Rex and Rochelle and the squelching noises? Rex must have a blooming death wish this week! #TheArchers

Blimey Rex - you're on dangerous ground here. Helen will be reeling you in like a great big carp. Next thing you know, you'll be Henry and Jack's stepdad competing for bathroom space with Natasha, Tom and the SuperNovas in Beechell. #TheArchers

And another thing. Why is David needing to confine Pip with an electric fence? Little wonder he's having to do her work. #TheArchers

I'm trying to understand precisely how #TheArchers can enrage me in such a short space of time. But David mithering on about dog walkers and tax avoidance, picking on Ben, bumbling old Leonard and Helen being uncharacteristically perceptive? Now I'm steaming.

I'm suffering Rochelle/Joy/sabotage action/group/cult/where are the bairns fatigue. I'm positive the denouement is going to be disappointing and unfulfilling. I need answers, and they had better be good! And Freddie has to be the hero, not the gormless fall guy. 🙏 #TheArchers

Things are shaping up nicely for a massive show down between Natasha and Helen over house rules. #TheArchers

What a shame neither Tom nor Natasha were seriously injured in the slippery floor incident. #TheArchers

Good to hear #TheArchers have a bit of debate about farmers & inheritance tax changes. Although if you wanted someone to properly undermine any sympathy for farmers, you'd definitely choose David as their spokesman.

@ambridgeolwen.bsky.social And he didn't pay inheritance tax ... It seems the Forestry Commission owns the most land in the UK. Anders Holch Povlsen is the biggest private land owner in the UK. Duke of Westminster is 10th. Only 140k acres ... #TheArchers www.theguardian.com/money/2016/a...

I'm hoping Dave has a coronary, and Roof has to pay IHT now #TheArchers

I feel for Joy. Her husband sounds as if he was a coercive controller and a supreme gaslighter. I would say Joy genuinely can't remember all the details of her breakdown. It sounds as if she was experiencing catatonia. Why didn't Rochelle seek help for her? She was 15. #TheArchers

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025... What else did ANYONE think he and his billionaire mates were up to? Quick audit of family and friends bank accounts in order?

Poor old Clarrie. Feeling redundant: Not needed or useful. Superfluous. Sad times. (Bloody Helen). #TheArchers

"Someone with a grudge against Martyn Gibson" doesn't narrow the field much, does it? Has Cathy Perks come home recently? #TheArchers

"What are you knitting Clarrie?" "Oh, it's just a doll of Helen." #TheArchers

Memo to the Archers scriptwriters: NO ONE GIVES A TOSS ABOUT HELEN #TheArchers

And why on earth would Clarrie want to be "friends" with the hideous Helen? Friends don't sack you for being old. #TheArchers

Quite frankly I was delighted to hear the hideous Gibson wallowing around his kitchen sobbing over his engineered wooden floor. #TheArchers

I'm scratching my head trying to think up with a more unlikely business plan that George could have come up with. Dressmaking? Fashion modelling? Live caricature drawing? Child minding? #TheArchers