Red alert

The wife has completed Christmas. Absolutely speechless opening this.

"Daddy did this Freddo cost 39p?" "No mate, they're not *that* expensive" "But it says '39p' on it?" "... Well I'll be..."

Strangest thing: Barca's crypto sponsor ZKP, which claims to be building a blockchain business based on total privacy and which refuses to disclose who owns it or where it's based, publishes a live transactions map purporting to show the location of its customers. Interesting way to handle its data.

I never ever want to set eyes on this monstrous Ferrari shitbox ever ever again. Get it in the bin.

Still get shudders thinking about Abu Dhabi 2021.

Delighted for Lando Norris. Even more delighted Max Verstappen didn't win his fourth world championship. Yes, fourth.

Abolish Fifa.

Genuinely not an exaggeration to say that entire World Cup draw might be the most insane thing I've ever watched.

Quite the contrary, he's put Croatia in our group FFS.

Shaquille O'Neal, who won 4 NBA titles, absolutely relying there on the feedback that he's "doing a good job" stood still picking some plastic balls out of a bowl.

Minority owners of Championship clubs get to draw the World Cup now?

Rio Ferdinand here to present the FIFA award for never missing a drug test.

Hat off to whoever is writing the picture captions at @theguardian.com.

Oh no don't tarnish Lauryn Hill with this bullshit.

"Pele.. I assume one of the greats"

Can you get on with it and let us know who Scotland are going to get battered by? I've got Pluribus to watch.

Let us be very clear: this baby's rattle is not awarded "on behalf of billions of fans around the world", as FIFA claims. It’s nothing more than an ego-stroking stunt. This is a deeply troubling day for football & FIFA.

Appropriate that the FIFA peace prize they're giving to Trump looks like a bunch of zombie hands rising up to destroy the globe.

If it wasn't so utterly shameful it would be hilarious. Disgraceful.

This is some Orwellian bullshit

Did Robbie Williams just say "I'll just go then shall I?" 🤣🤣

"This draw is being watched by between 500 million and a billion people" It absolutely isn't.

This is already massively awkward.

Tell you what, this Adrian Bocelli bloke could have a decent singing career if he plays his cards right.

Birmingham City stadium renders 🤮

See you in six months.

My dad was in a motorbike accident a few months ago. He spent several days in a coma, broke 23 bones, two punctured lungs, several brain bleeds, kidney and liver damage. He ran Park Run today faster than I can 😐

It might be a long afternoon.

Youngest is with me in the shop. Asks for some PL trading cards, which I buy for him. Home for less than 5 minutes before the Mrs is sorting them by team.

There's plenty of money within football to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. Let's hope the organisations with the power and money to help actually do so, rather than just howling in press conferences how awful it is.

Solved this by scrapping it and purchasing the bigger, faster, mid-life crisis car. Thanks for your support.

Never mind. Standard disclaimer that Ticketmaster sucks.

BRB while I remortgage the house for System Of A Down tickets.

I'd be very interested to see a decent consumer rights lawyer take a pop at the National League's bizarre stance that season tickets aren't valid for the rearranged Eastleigh V Scunthorpe game.

Me, spotting the FBI Director's tie.

Car broke down today. Side of the road for about 25 minutes. Quite inconvenient location, hazards on, head on hands, full works. Not a single person had the decency to shout "you can't park there mate" at me. Country's gone.

Fit & proper wasn’t fit for purpose, so we tried OADT…but that was pretty toothless, too. So, here comes the ODSE regime…an acronym to strike terror into the hearts of rubbish football club owners everywhere. Flunk the test; lose your club! www.nytimes.com/athletic/659...

This morning’s breakfast conversation, ahead of the first day back at school: Eldest - “Daddy, why can we jump?” Me - “….”

Me, remembering that Grimsby beat Man Utd

One of the more entertaining aspects of that shootout, I think, is that they didn't have penalty history on their water bottles. I'd be banning that.. unless it's England.

I'm fucking devastated Roy Keane isn't the pundit.

one of their greatest humiliations *so far*

Sean Dyche sat by the phone waiting for Jim Ratcliffe's call.

I'm properly delighted for Grimsby. Had some great trips there and met some excellent people.

Man Utd's net spend this summer: £207m

Spoilsports