this anecdote made me realize that an easy litmus of whether you're a cat or dog person is how one responds to being licked (cat licks palm) “aw cute, your little sandpaper tongue” (dog licks palm) “fucking christ, this smell, now I have to wash my hands, christ”

dear Tim Star Wars there’s two kinds of star war. There’s the kind for the “real fans,” Ahsoka and Mando, fan-service idiocy. Normies don’t care. Then there’s the mature stuff like Andor and Empire. The fanbois still love that shit but also the normies too. This isn’t complicated.

I think this guy nailed it. and I feel a bit dumb and naive for thinking that social media in one form or another was kind of the final form of online life. At least I was right about it not being anything like “the metaverse”…

my other car threw me under the bus

get in loser, we’re buying an airline

how we prioritizemaxx the xenomorphic consumer buy-in is the most impactist metric on the content's survivability horizon

hats off to all the silicon valley dumbfucks who voted for this just to see the EU wake up and realize that maybe depending on US cloud infrastructure is a strategic problem, take a bow you fucking clowns

alright, maybe we should give this AI thing a chance after all

idea for a movie: an Austin Powers-style parody of James Bond films, but he’s California Guy. That's the title. He’s still a spy, this is his day-to-day, but he goes undercover in a bowling shirt and a Von Dutch cap, or Alo menswear disguised as a yoga instructor. He reports to Gavin Newsom.

Well yes, I suppose I do like piña coladas, but I’d prefer to stay dry, I guess.

note to self: learn to spin pen over knuckles to subtly imply that I’m listening, but the discourse is banal enough that I can afford to spend about 20% of my concentration on a little pointless showmanship

there was a time when I thought a future like this would be hilarious and not just annoying

we do be like that

My other car is stuck in the Torment Nexus.

You can’t have a serious conversation about muppets without first acknowledging that muppets fuck.

I once got in this bizarre argument over sexual content in The Muppet Show. I pointed out to someone that the “a mahna-mahna” song was from a Swedish softcore smut flick. Friend was shocked, “Henson must have been furious!” and I’m like, what? He probably picked it. www.polygon.com/the-muppet-sho…

goddamnit. I completely forgot to grind my hog yesterday.

wish I had this lying around the last time someone lectured me on how the horseshoe theory was real

“I’m putting a team together”

Don’t kill the pennies!! They’re everyone’s thoughts!!

~6 years ago I was at a house party and met a guy who said he was a dev at Palantir. Before I could even process what he said, he got defensive, “It’s not what you think, we work on really cool technology, it can be a force for good—” I couldn’t think of a response and just disengaged.

“you’re naming them ‘Good’ and ‘Pretty?’ who’s next, some guy named Jim Noble?” “that’s good, I’m gonna steal that”

I have decided to become bsky’s premiere #manosphere influencer day 1: listen up fuckmelon, you‘re a straight guy and don’t have a carton of tampons in your bathroom for lady friends? like, okay, you’re “not gay,” but you better LEARN how to like fucking dudes

great day to be addicted to social media and incidentally stuck in a blizzard

This is everything I’ve been thinking about Pluribus, said better than I could say it.

at my friend’s co-working space, put my coffee cup in the dishwasher and his assistant blurts out “good boy!” guys, the bar is so fcking low

annual email bankruptcy, feels good en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Email_b...

Hummel figurines are the Funko Pops of the 1930s

oh man, I wish this was around when I was a kid

IS YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA ICON IN THE EPSTEIN FILES? Epstein got started thanks to Krusty the Clown. Jeffrey thought he was getting a job as a legitimate tax advisor; Krusty mistakenly took him for a pimp. Epstein ran the numbers and realized this was a better gig.

well I’ve tried getting older but really just not feeling it ★★☆☆☆ in practice, it turns out that wisdom is of dubious utility

i read Nuzzi's book so you wouldn’t have to wait, you weren’t going to read it in the first place? fuck. why did i do this to my brain. how do i undo it. why didn’t you tell me. hlep

where does your girl land on the Voltron -> Frankenstein continuum

There’s Never Been a Better Time To Shut Your Whore Mouth

hey look at me, I'm wearing shoes on my hands, only the left half of my beard is shaved, my pants are on backward and somehow my dick is hanging out. I’m the guy who thought it would be a good idea to put capacitive buttons on ovens.

The opinions of people who have had some radical mid-life change — political, religious, whatever — are so much more interesting than people who believed the same stuff all their lives. Like do you even know why you believe what you believe? Do you have the ability to admit when you’re wrong?

and that was the last time we ever heard about this terrible person who definitely won’t have a third act in 2026 ad infinitum

my new drag name is Matte Gloss

thanks to Bloom County we can prove that “hey” as a greeting and not a command to “look out for that truck” was getting normalized around 1982

> GIT FORK ZORK You are not carrying a fork. opensource.microsoft.com/blog/2025/11...

San Antonio Schools v. Rodriguez should be up there with Dred Scott and Plessy v. Ferguson as worst Supreme Court verdicts in American history. It’s the reason why — no matter what race you are — you’ll never, ever get the same opportunities as the wealthy. Even why your potholes are worse.

Every day, I'm escalatin', e—every day, I'm escalatin— Every day, I'm escalatin', e—every day, I'm escalatin' Every day, I'm escalatin', every day, I'm escalatin' Every day, I'm escalatin', every day, I'm— every day, I'm

but honestly, whom among us hasn’t [fill in the blank with the worst thing you’ve heard today]

I think you might suggest to putin, that lavrov , can get insight on talking to me. vitaly churkin used to . but he died. ? !

just look on the bright side:

welcome to the caliphate bitches 🗽☪️🍎

Let me invest in the vaporwave company.

everyone’s all happy that Cheney is dead but whose job will it be to enter the tomb every morning to make sure the body hasn’t moved

I need one of those New Yorkers who pretends that autumn is their favorite time of the year to step up and explain your bullshit.