leftover pizza for breakfast: classically cool dirtbag action fresh pizza for breakfast: you think the government is spying on you through the toilet and the ocean is made of ranch dressing

wouldn’t it be cool if Paramount and Warner Bros. could be owned by Paramount and Warner Bros.

kermit the frog is going to score before any of these guys #worldcup

"Unless you're over 60, you weren't promised flying cars. You were promised an oppressive cyberpunk dystopia."

Carrie Anne Moss spitting in a beer and forcing the audience to imagine drinking a beer that Carrie Anne Moss had spit in was a Moment for many of us

Starting to wonder if the “mid-life crisis” was just another dumb boomer thing. I’m of the age where all of my peers should be getting motorcycles and mistresses and divorces and I’m just not seeing it.

For the rest of the summer you have official license to go with the fries instead of the side salad.

I love the Hobbit. “Yeah I’m writing this adventure story about twelve little guys, but there’s a twist: there’s one more guy — and he’s even smaller!”

do folks who harp on others for virtue signaling realize that they are virtue signaling

find yourself a woman who’ll be the low-stakes Bonnie to your low-stakes Clyde

i do and i do

idea for a high-concept sci-fi horror movie with a sweet Planet of the Apes style twist: astronauts are stranded in a hostile environment surrounded by indescribable monsters who pick them off one by one, but it turns out that it’s just Australia

It’s kind of nice to finally have a scandal that’s mostly just fucking funny and not really hurting anybody, unless you count the dead ducklings I guess well now everything sucks again.

At the reflecting pool…

Stunned myself with the realization that RETURN OF THE JEDI (1983) is a recapitulation of the Biblical Binding of Isaac where Abraham decides to kill God instead of his son

It’s really bold of Squarespace to decide to let their product basically fall to pieces. They used to call that “thinking outside the box” back in the older startup days. And a box is kind of a square space, if you think about it.

it me

iphone miscorrected “body recomposition” into “body decomposition” and tbh it has a point

tell you what, you can build a 500 megawatt datacenter right on top of my freshly-dug grave, but everyone has to stop using the word “compute” as a noun

If your website/app/blog uses email link logins, we cannot be friends.

this anecdote made me realize that an easy litmus of whether you're a cat or dog person is how one responds to being licked (cat licks palm) “aw cute, your little sandpaper tongue” (dog licks palm) “fucking christ, this smell, now I have to wash my hands, christ”

I think this guy nailed it. and I feel a bit dumb and naive for thinking that social media in one form or another was kind of the final form of online life. At least I was right about it not being anything like “the metaverse”…

my other car threw me under the bus

get in loser, we’re buying an airline

how we prioritizemaxx the xenomorphic consumer buy-in is the most impactist metric on the content's survivability horizon

hats off to all the silicon valley dumbfucks who voted for this just to see the EU wake up and realize that maybe depending on US cloud infrastructure is a strategic problem, take a bow you fucking clowns

alright, maybe we should give this AI thing a chance after all

idea for a movie: an Austin Powers-style parody of James Bond films, but he’s California Guy. That's the title. He’s still a spy, this is his day-to-day, but he goes undercover in a bowling shirt and a Von Dutch cap, or Alo menswear disguised as a yoga instructor. He reports to Gavin Newsom.

Well yes, I suppose I do like piña coladas, but I’d prefer to stay dry, I guess.

note to self: learn to spin pen over knuckles to subtly imply that I’m listening, but the discourse is banal enough that I can afford to spend about 20% of my concentration on a little pointless showmanship

there was a time when I thought a future like this would be hilarious and not just annoying

we do be like that

My other car is stuck in the Torment Nexus.

You can’t have a serious conversation about muppets without first acknowledging that muppets fuck.

I once got in this bizarre argument over sexual content in The Muppet Show. I pointed out to someone that the “a mahna-mahna” song was from a Swedish softcore smut flick. Friend was shocked, “Henson must have been furious!” and I’m like, what? He probably picked it. www.polygon.com/the-muppet-sho…

goddamnit. I completely forgot to grind my hog yesterday.

wish I had this lying around the last time someone lectured me on how the horseshoe theory was real

“I’m putting a team together”

Don’t kill the pennies!! They’re everyone’s thoughts!!

~6 years ago I was at a house party and met a guy who said he was a dev at Palantir. Before I could even process what he said, he got defensive, “It’s not what you think, we work on really cool technology, it can be a force for good—” I couldn’t think of a response and just disengaged.

“you’re naming them ‘Good’ and ‘Pretty?’ who’s next, some guy named Jim Noble?” “that’s good, I’m gonna steal that”

I have decided to become bsky’s premiere #manosphere influencer day 1: listen up fuckmelon, you‘re a straight guy and don’t have a carton of tampons in your bathroom for lady friends? like, okay, you’re “not gay,” but you better LEARN how to like fucking dudes

great day to be addicted to social media and incidentally stuck in a blizzard

This is everything I’ve been thinking about Pluribus, said better than I could say it.

at my friend’s co-working space, put my coffee cup in the dishwasher and his assistant blurts out “good boy!” guys, the bar is so fcking low

annual email bankruptcy, feels good en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Email_b...

Hummel figurines are the Funko Pops of the 1930s

oh man, I wish this was around when I was a kid

IS YOUR FAVORITE MEDIA ICON IN THE EPSTEIN FILES? Epstein got started thanks to Krusty the Clown. Jeffrey thought he was getting a job as a legitimate tax advisor; Krusty mistakenly took him for a pimp. Epstein ran the numbers and realized this was a better gig.

well I’ve tried getting older but really just not feeling it ★★☆☆☆ in practice, it turns out that wisdom is of dubious utility