"Time heals all wounds" mushy, sentimental, naively presents healing as inevitable entropy, external locus of control "All fires die but the ones you feed" logical, makes you sound like a jrpg villain, internal locus, gives merit to acceptance but also more healthy things like revenge and hatred

how i wake up and start posting

Trying to do my program & work out the move is so, so much harder than I expected. I keep ending my days emotionally depleted and the idea of doing more is making me feel awful. God.

I need to work out all my body image issues in the next month because I will be showing skin at pride even if it kills me

Crazy thinking that at the end of next wk I’ll have spent 300+ hours getting therapy over the last 3 months

What the rain brings🪻 #art #flowers #nature #possums

Today had a… difficult exercise. We were to think out what our lives would be like 1, 5, and 10 years in our eating disorder, and then the same years for in recovery. The former was REALLY bleak for me and the thing is there’s an asymmetry. The ED provides a predictable life. Recovery is risky!

Soft-launching being openly trans at program (I’ve not said a word abt it and if others can tell they’ve been too polite to mention it) by bringing my water bottle that has trans pride Sylveon on it

Should I go back to my punk phase

Trying to strike a balance between productivity and not burning myself out. I've knocked two things off my agenda today, in addition to the dietician call, and have a meeting tonight...

Watched a video on cynicism that my IOP therapist gave me after we talked about my pessimism. I'm not sure it's me. The cynic, per the video, is someone who puts wedges between people. My pessimism draws me to other people.

Call with my dietician today was nice! We talked about the political origins of diet culture and how it is anti-feminist. Malnourished and weak women make for great compliant workers who won't ask too many pesky questions.

It's funny how I walk into therapy like at least once a month like "heyyyy I'm doing something fucked up again" and somehow that always gets less of a reaction than me calling myself a pessimist lol

Oh my god church today fucking leveled me

It has been suggested that trans adults act a decade younger than they actually are, because they are finally living the younger years that were denied to them. This is why I developed an ED in my 20s instead of in my teens

Tragic environmental storytelling: The trans woman who lives near my workplace no longer wears a collar after years of doing so

Listening today: IGYEIH by Linkin Park “I give you everything I have / All you give me is your ugliness / You're not as honest as you act / Just a devil with a god complex”

It’s fun being #UnitarianUniversalist because I’m an atheist who was able to tell the cute little twinks with name badges who asked me if I wanted to go to a church on Sunday that I already belong to a church without a bit of dishonesty

Just did a nearly 3 hour clean of my apartment and woah. It’s so… peaceful. Uncluttered. Nice.

*repeating to myself over and over* the only thing more cringe than being a reddit mod is getting mad at reddit mods. the only thing more cringe than being a reddit mod is getting mad at reddit mods. the only thing more cringe than being a reddit mod is getting mad at reddit mods. the only thing mor

Just had the most stupid successful breakfast yet I was very much in the headspace “can’t today, not happening.” But then thought “maybe I can do one piece of toast.” Then “One won’t do much for my hunger, let’s do two.”

The most annoying part of therapy has got to be when you can articulate exactly what the problem is and still can’t fix it Like great now I know why I’m like this. I’m still like this!!

I feel like I could make a never-ending series of nesting alt accounts to post the different degrees of deranged thoughts that I have. The risk of any of them being found would make life very exciting

Late to renfrew bc of traffic 🙃 I’m never late so this is like the worst thing to happen to me ever

This is what I keep thinking about seeing the discourse. I’m reminded of a medical show from a decade ago showing a kid who got scurvy. The doctors shamed the mom so hard and she broke down because she’s a single mom working two jobs and struggled to get her kid to eat

Reflecting on it more: * They are very focused on attacking the medicalization model while the pragmatic conclusions are mostly missing * They act like providing countercultural theory frees them of having to understand institutional theory * They need to keep the post-structuralists far away

This was yaoi back in 1989.

samsara may trap a lot of people in eternal dukkha, but it also helps a lot of people get to work on time, so, it;s impossible to say if its bad or not,

After a few hours of reading feminist theory on eating disorders, this is my takeaway:

"Post-structuralists suck at writing, more at 5." How do people who spend all their time thinking about meaning and narrative have such a hard time getting their meaning across with a comprehensible narrative

Man how the fuck is my insurance going to send me a weight loss ad and then a mental health ad right after. What are they doing over there

Starting with the former. It opens with an analysis of the heterogeneity of these sites, and how they serve different functions depending on the kind of site and the reasons people visit. They aren't amenable to simplistic understandings

Gonna go on a walk and then maybe start "Anorexia/bulimia as resistance and conformity in pro-Ana and pro-Mia virtual conversations" in the same volume. Either that or "Appearing to disappear: Postmodern femininities and self-starved subjectivities."

Looking at articles in "Critical Feminist Approaches to Eating Dis/Orders." Starting with one near the end, "Anti-anorexia/bulimia: A polemics of life and death."

Okay, making one exception. I post on this site my thoughts as I read as a form of casual note-taking. So I'm going to do that. Right now, I'm reading "Eating Disorders: The Feminist Challenge to the Concept of Pathology" (Bordo, 1992).

Going to try to pretend I have focus today and read a lot. That's my game-plan, alongside going for a walk and picking up a package. Just read. Try to read a double-digit number of pages without absentmindedly checking for notifications or updates.

Constantly advertising pessimism everywhere I go. I will become pessimism's greatest contemporary evangelist, behind only Mariana Alessandri, pessimism's greatest contemporary thinker. If you see someone on a random forum promoting philosophical pessimism, that is very likely to be me

a little word vomit today after thinking about a cute euphemism for having an ED and rewatching the menu fromjunia.cc/weird-with-f...

Ratatouille remains one of my favorite movies of all time

I wish I could skitter

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY ❤️❤️

I think if I make enough memes it'll fix me

I have to be kind, because somebody has to be

oh uhm. youre on my house

I like to think that, for those of you who follow me for it, my honesty about my recovery experience makes the pro-recovery orientation hit harder. Because I know that in highly sanitized spaces I’m suspicious that what’s being said is not entirely honest, just performed

I get so much satisfaction from giving advice. Maybe I should enter a field where that’s what I do tbh. Dietician is in the cards (although seems unlikely at this point). Or I could be a peer mentor on the side.

I read a piece of mindfulness advice around eating once and ever since then it’s been a food ritual I struggle to break when I’m stressed lmao. Suggestions become rules and rules become chains.

Me explaining to my dietician why I Do That with my food