The mustard I got from the hardware store has an odd texture

I have to write a speech for arbor day

Not liking all the drug stuff I'm seeing

I'll give that robot something to run from

In a twist nobody saw coming I volunteered for more work on a Saturday

Aloe pot pie

Left my work phone on a busy park bench and then drove an hour away. It was there when I went looking but still. My forgetful ass isn't meant to have items

A couple years ago I got a 20 pack of just high e strings and it's saved me millions of dollars

Everybody says they're immune to poison ivy but no one ever takes me up on my offer to go find some so they can show me

Welcome to the 8 months of the year I am covered in bites and cuts

Swamp stuff today

On call noon to 5 can't even enjoy my Sunday morning hate my life

In my dreams I see four men standing in a circle, taking turns putting their hands on their hips and fucking around with a pump engine

Fellas roofing next door at 3 am. I went outside and overheard them talking and they are gakked. In the nail gun dimension

Got a long list of things I already forgot

Stomping around nature's beauty double fisting cell phones

You remind me of my dead son

Doctor said my shits so normal it's concerning. Like the calm before the storm

Morning clowns

Was done with that nature shit for a while but I'm back on it now

Perhaps it will happen tonight on live television

White oak sells for twice as much in Louisville as it does in Memphis

Work conference was at Kroger field. Lexington is a nice town but the roads are all fucked

My flaws are justifiable responses to circumstance and yours are because you’re a big piece of shit btw

I lost my wallet in the swamp. The swamp gives and the swamp takes away

Did a forestry visit for this fancy scenic wedding venue farm in the country. The lady who owns it is mad somebody is building a giant chicken farm right next door. Lol

Third growth mesophytic tree slop

You should have received an email

Me rn

Guys like me don't even get to go on one island vacation

Play-by-play announcer briefly struck by the majestic grandeur of the moment as the kicker runs on the field amidst a snowstorm: "They should have sent a poet, Joe." Colour commentator staying on task: "It's a difficult distance even for a professional placekicker, Carl."

Surveyors are collectively some of the grumpiest people I've ever met. When landowners talk to me about their stupid boundary disputes with their neighbors I understand why

Edit: not sure why I'm getting downvoted

Saw a guy on TV blinking in Morse code. Lost what he was saying pretty quick and didn't care enough to rewind

I went out for that show queer eye but they locked my audition tape in a big vault with a skull on it so I never got a call back

Would love to be the dude cruising his big ass RV in the left lane at 830 on a Thursday

I miss being slightly higher up in the watershed

3 hours of interstate driving every weekday is calcifying my soul and sapping all my Q-waves but I am getting some good tune time in

In the 1930s my grandpa had to sell the family cow to get some new Nike shoes