Ed Gas i mean, there's worse

sometimes the horse cooks with gas, but the gas is nitrous oxide

guess it's isla malvinas now, i don't make the rules

Me: "It's time to start eating healthy." Lettuce: "I'm going to give you explosive diarrhea!" Chips and cookies in my pantry: "I would never do that to you."

lol literally everything i had to get done today required the copier, which has no toner and won't for the immediate future because i guess our printer company sucks encrusted suppurating orangutan phallus or something, so i might as well have just stayed home

well we better get some good falkland islands jokes out of this

opposing counsel defined the term "fact" in his discovery demands finally, a use for my degree! i always knew this day would come

lol never mind

but if Mike Pence has the courage...

rooting for whichever team would result in fewer fireworks tonight because they're scaring my cat

i guess they have to do something with those fireworks

setting off fireworks when you're losing is definitely a choice

stuff blowin' up, mexico must've scored

humanities:

Furries would rather learn to code than go to therapy

cape fuckin' verde, man

there's a reason Luigi Mangione turned into a modern folk hero

sometimes the horse cooks

lol time to shelter in place

i see we're not waiting for the game to actually end to start blowing things up

gather 'round and see what rights the Nine are letting us keep today, kids!

oh boy, Mexico vs Ecuador at 6pm, guess i'm not sleeping tonight

dick sucking factories! how horrible! be sure to tell us where they are so we can make sure we never go there

Read the damn room, Mr. Met.

whoops almost forgot it's time to break the ceasefire again

judging by the helicopter circling overhead and all the explosions i'm guessing mexico won again

begging reality to start using some subtler metaphors

i feel like i'm taking crazy pills, in the world as i understand it this guy gambling on his own team means he gets banished to the shadow realm forever and the only time we ever hear his name again is during some obscure college football trivia night but nooooo everything ✨changed✨

what in tarnation

name: polly non-exhaustive list of ridiculous nicknames: pollyanna, polly pocket, polly pothead, polly nomial, polly valent, wiggly one, wigglemeister, wiggly wan kenobi, the wiggler... the "wiggle" ones are bc whenever i get home she plops down and wiggles on her back like a worm on wet pavement

holy balls my 20 year high school reunion is this weekend

alternatively, you can always go with idris elba

hey so just throwing it out there that i'm not qualified in any respect to serve as prime minister of the united kingdom but i am available to do it anyway

what's that immutable flaw i have that can't be fixed and makes me unworthy of love? hmmmmmmmm

wait, do we not suck at soccer anymore or something?

i hope mexico doesn't go on a deep title run here because all these horns and detonations are kinda annoying

the writers for this season of reality are hacks. hacks!

really looking forward to seeing how Republicans rationalize unconditionally surrendering to Iran

oh great now you're gonna do something dangerous like make the Mets think they can do it

oh boy, guys in neon vests climbing the scaffolding

the correlation between "is nice" and "is catastrophically stupid" has been somethin' else today

God this was a hard read but. Yeah. I see things like this. bundleofstyx.substack.com/p/dump-your-...

as soon as that Irvine vote comes in he's gonna turn this thing around

sometimes the system, having realized it worked, turns around and doesn't work

blehhhh i need more nasal spray and costco is probably the best place to get it but do i feel like fighting for my life in a place that is beyond god's sight, mercy, and power? hmmmmmmmm

the best way to deal with Nazis

is nothing sacred

the thing with working in a law firm (and i guess most other places) is that for malpractice liability defense reasons, if something goes wrong you have to always ask yourself "how could this possibly be interpreted as my fault," which is not great when you have debilitating self-esteem issues