i feel like now is the time for some ridiculous AI stunt like he shows us an AI video that he says is maduro, then the real maduro shows up on tv, he says that maduro is AI, who the fuck knows

well we've had the Pastry War, the War of Jenkins' Ear, the Pig War, the Emu War, the Football War, what do we call this one? the War of Trump's Micropenis?

not even 48 hours into 2026

putting the US back together is going to require a lot of things progressives and democrats will absolutely not like. revoking pardons and putting people back in jail, blowing up the courts, mass firings, gerrymandering the GOP out of competitiveness, the same shit the trump crew is already doing.

find you someone who loves you 1/10th as much as Curtis Sliwa hates Andrew Cuomo

y'ever fall back asleep in the morning, and then start to dream that you've gotten up and gone to work? yeah...

i once sat behind Drew Carey at a football game

putting the o in episcopalian

"The Ents are fucking going to war."

anarcho-Bidenists believe in malanarkey

you will be visited by three spirits

personally i think it's awesome that the regime can be outsmarted by shit that i thought of as a first year paralegal ten years ago

i mean it does involve swallowing meat...

y'know what, just unhook the USS Iowa or something, slap a fresh coat of paint on it, and tell him it's new. he won't know the difference and his attention span will elapse before it has to do anything else.

praise be to the chargers for ensuring that this year's playoffs will be chiefsless

personal foul, 69, offense, he was giving him the beeswax

"your Adobe PDF tools, now in ChatGPT" you know what, fuck the future, this sucks

it's really happening, isn't it

randomly having to redo all my settings in windows, sure, why not

speaking as a fella: yes

he's going to get acquitted because he'll be able to look every member of the jury in the eyes and each and every one of them will be lost, lost forever

my queen

today we cannot fathom how people couldn't see how stupid they look on these things but in those dark days, they really couldn't! it was bizarre

taking your slogan from a venture capitalist is a little on the fuckin' nose, hakeem

rookie numbers. embarrassing.

i would

reinforcing my opinion that journalists should not be allowed to get rich as journalists

nice

excellent follow up question: doesn't that mean you totally suck at capitalism?

and here i thought trump verbally fellating zohran mamdani in the oval office in front of god and everybody was going to be the most embarrassing thing of the day

i know what he means by this but also lol politics is bottom/top

it feels like an extension of the weird valorization of trump as some totemic figure of excellence that we've jumped, without evidence, to assuming he's actually good at it also, lol

So this is someone I know who got snatched by ICE for the crime of missing a phone call while she was at work. She needs help and it would be good to help her.

"does the president spit or swallow" is honestly not a question that had ever occurred to me until now

What your dick is about to do is going to be unusual, uncommon, out of the ordinary. You’re going to see rivers where there should be dry places. That’s why you can’t figure it out. It’s not going to be logical.

can't work today, the witch of november came stealin'

i, in my hubris, my vanity, entered Costco on a Saturday afternoon, where all is beyond God's sight, protection, and forgiveness, and only the strongest survive. i obtained my discounted pharmaceutical bauble. and yet, one day it will run out, but the scars will be forever.

Subway should run a nationwide sale today

surprised to see Prop 50 doing so well in Orange County the political demographics, they are a-changin'

ouch

anyways i really like how andrew cuomo is doing the "avengers assemble" scene but with all the worst people in the world

preventing you from having to go see your MAGA relatives might actually make him more popular

real question is whether the progressives keep supporting him after he sends the NYPD to crack down a protest that gets too rowdy -- which, once he's in that chair, he will have no choice but to do

i am sad that i won't be able to make any war of 1812 jokes when the winning team goes to the white house next year, but as a decent consolation prize, my entire bsky feed has erupted in sooooooooo much salt

the legend of yoshinobu yamamoto

total sicko shit going on here, i'll tell you what

oh god don't make this one go 18 innings too

i would actually respect dave roberts if he brings in blake treinen for this

one thing about the AI bubble burst i'm looking forward to is when OpenAI is out of business and Sam Altman has officially relocated to Moscow, that should cut down on clients sending me AI bullshit trying to tell me how to do my job