I hope the end of the world is slow enough that I can read hilarious ironic posts about it

When you think about it if a vampire has sex all night that's their whole goddamn day.

"so basically a trunk is a sturdy and sizeable container" Elephant: "like my nose! 🎺 🎶" "Haha yes exactly!" Human: "and my ASS"

It's raining cats and dogs🌧️ It's raining, cats and dogs 🌧️🗣️ 😺 🐶 It's reigning cats and dogs 🐶 👑 😺 👑

"doxxing" was named after the first person doxed, Robert Dox, 4520 Jacobs Ave, Belview, MN

Fish are the best pets because the only way they can pass judgement on you is by dying

In 1982 Chris Claremont overheard someone say "Bear in mind" and he immediately wrote the best comic storyline ever or at least a really good one

In Tintin, the titular Tintin is a reporter but he barely ever writes anything down and also he goes to the moon purely via nepotism. Anyway he's my favourite guy.

I wanted to get over my ex, Cameron, So I read The Decameron. He would have hated it.

"Hello New Guy. I am Sleepyman. You've already met Lady Three. We want to tell you that the world is a big computer." "Who's that?" "That is Mr Secrets. We can trust him completely."

You may not have realized this but "Anime" is actually a straightforward abbreviation of the word "Animorph"

Travelator? Can't I do it now?

Many happy memories of seeing unusual and exciting animals, but today it just hit me what "Zoo" is short for. That's right, "Zooo".

A dream is a wish your heart makes

im the grungler

Did anyone ever save Evanescense from that duck?

Trying out AI as a therapist

Did you know that Goat eyes both swivel and rotate inside their sockets? This is because every part of their anatomy is resistant to order.

People look at me and say "Jesus Christ!" haha I'm flattered but no

"It's so hot in June!" "No it isn't it's cold!" The disagreement across hemispheres rages on. But who is in the right? Ultimately this dispute is another Example of polarization in the modern age.

Tintin jumped off the train again. Sick of this shit

"It is a Truth universally acknowledged..." That classic opening. But did you know that when Pride and Prejudice was written, Truth Social did not yet exist as a website?? Sometimes books can teach us things we didn't even know yet...

WWJD well I'll tell you this he wouldn't have rioted or done anything illegal! Anyway I forget what happened in the end

Mario's first appearance was 44 years ago, which means we've only got a few more years before we can no longer reconcile his apparent and actual age. We are in a singular era.

*whispered* "let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the floor let the bodies hit the -" *Whisper-shouted* "I'm fucking doing it I heard you the first time jesus fuck"

I am open to learning from my mistakes provided 1. You are very nice to me and 1a. You don't say I'm wrong

I am forever reliving the day my sister Ruth was killed. On that day I swore revenge on the villains responsible. On that day I was made ruthless.

Tried out that Toxic Positivity everyone was talking about but it'll never compare to the GOAT Toxic Negativity

Man if I'd been at the Metre Convention I would've talked at Length

Once i find the crafting menu things are gonna change around here

The cantina band from Star Wars seems even weirder now we know from Andor that the bar could’ve just been playing normal techno

The snowy Albatross has the largest wingspan among birds at 3.7m. Which when compared with an Airbus A380 (79.8m) is absolutely pathetic. Humans win yet again.

A gorilla could easily beat a hundred guys in the right circumstances. Like if they were all clones of the same guy and they came one at a time to a construction site with a bunch of barrels.

If dogs ran a Zoo would they put wolves in it like we do with apes

If there's one thing I've learned in 11 years of litigation over my self help slogan it's that you too can Add Points To The Scoreboard And Do The Best At That Sport Event

What would Meryl Streep's Anna Wintour (Miranda Priestly) do in this situation?

Tammy D gettin' biz on the crop/ Beat-sie boys are known to let the beat drop/ Yeah that's right we didn't do it this time/ We've been practicing rhythm and rhyme/ It's good to hone your skills at work/ We are professionals, not big jerks

One of the cop cars they use here for like, outreach events has a decal on the side that says "wee woo" and I just don't like the police having access to that kind of juice

Concreting is just advanced playing with mud

Anime? I hardly know me!

If you're reading this then good news: you're not a nerd. Bad news: you got Left Behind.

Lugaru: an affordable car for they who wear the wolf skin cloak.

Taking mineral supplements for my health at a fancy dinner. A course of two quarts of coarse quartz a course of course.

Wound care? Give it to me straight, doc

URGENT. THIS IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF GREAT IMPORTANCE FOR A SPECIAL FELLOW. URGENT. UR A SOPHISTICATED GUY (A GENT) WHO IS CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS. U R GENT.

They don't brand the animals at the zoo but if you get in there and work fast legally the Capybara would be yours and they couldn't do shit.

Zoo's open, great cats are just 'Lion' around haha They're loose as a goose hehehe Don't come here lol They'll kill ya

Our zoo is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 11 months a year. We're way better than the one where animals are in charge. Our staff are friendly and ready to- -hm? Yeah we're not open during The Ravening.

I use GPT-4o to ++ my emotional intelligence. Oddly, my #1 breakthru came from a ChatGPT OUTAGE: I scribbled a prompt for later—but was shocked at the emotional ROI of *simply prompting*. Unanswered, open-ended. Now, to reach emotional flow state, I push myself to 'Dry Prompt'.

Looking for a very tall vet or high empath. Want to know if giraffes are depressed.