"Say auf wiedersehen to your nazi balls" would make a catchy and memorable campaign slogan for the midterms if you ask me. #inglouriousbasterds

To be clear, watching the nazis die screaming in a burning movie theater at the end of the film is fantastic, and probably second only to it happening for real.

I hope this doesn't sound too fucked up, but there's something about the scene in Inglourious Basterds where they're scalping the dead nazis, throwing their boots, and otherwise defiling their corpses that makes me happy in ways that watching the entire high command get burned alive does not.

Other things I saw: A thread. Lots of photos taken inside of airports, often right at the gate as someone was arriving or leaving. Once upon a time, you didn't have to pick up a loved one at the curb. You could park in the garage, go through security, and meet at them the gate.

I was going to skeet a picture of myself in the shower, but I did that a few days ago and I don't want my media tab to be 90% shower thirst traps, even though l'm hot and I could totally pull that off. So instead here's Elon eating paste.

Today was my daughter's first "Nice blinker, dipshit", followed immediately by "Oh, NOW you put your fucking blinker on?" combo. Proud papa over here.

My dream is for the ballroom to be used for public trials of all these bastards and then torn down.

cw: the most conceited thing I have ever posted. At one point tonight, I caught sight of myself in a mirror across the room and was so charmed by how attractive I looked that I gazed at myself for a moment. Eventually another parent noticed, thought I was looking at them, and came over to chat.

My daughter is upset because her "favorite nepo baby* got married last week. To a man. And not to me." *Maya Hawke

I was mistaken. This is not the family potluck at the school. This is the parents-only social at somebody's house.

The answers I gave were what you might expect: my daughter, who makes me proud every day, my (presumed) good health and that of my loved ones, a couple ongoing projects, and basic stuff I'd usually take for granted, like clean drinking water. Anyway, now for the things I want:

This event is happening again tonight and hopefully someone is bringing drinks.

Treated myself to a bánh mì for lunch after trying to talk myself out of it. Quick, everybody be proud of me.

My therapist asked me for some aspects of my life I'm happy about. I managed a couple, but it took a lot of thought. Then she asked me to name some things I want, i.e. things that would make my life better. I came up with several. Maybe I'll make this a thread.

The UK arrested Prince Andrew. Hakeem Jeffries is telling Democrats not to boo Trump at the State of the Union.

On the way home from school yesterday, my kid stopped us at the coffee shop where I used to attend my writing meetup. This morning I'm spending a few hours in the vicinity of where I worked from 2021 until 2024. And then this morning I'll try to focus on something other than what my life used to be.

Too much of today was spent driving in heavy rains, but I got to spent an awesome afternoon and evening with my kid, so it was definitely worth it.

It's been a long weekend of working on my car. Much of it in the rain.

A big thing about lewdsky is that it offers people who have been through break-ups, bereavement, illness or other trauma a safe space to be seen and heard as sexual beings, which is a fundamental aspect of the human condition. We bathe in the healing waters of objectification. But don't be dicks.

The rain outside my bedroom window is so fucking loud and I can't wait to fall asleep to the sound.

Just had a half-hour speakerphone call with my daughter, my niece, and my daughter's friend. (Apparently there was a sleepover at the condo last night.) Random small talk was made, and a lot of it was just me listening to their antics in the background, but it was very sweet of my daughter to call.

I crashed so hard last night that I apparently left my nightstand lamp on.

Look at me getting in bed before midnight.

ICE using the same ruse that Ted Bundy used to kidnap people should tell you something.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I've never really been a fan; those chalky antacid hearts with the fun messages on them can't possibly justify prix fixe menus and astronomical markups on flowers. That said, I have traditionally indulged my partners who enjoy this fake holiday. A thread:

I wear this T-shirt one day a year.

Tomorrow's Valentine's Day. I've never really been a fan; those chalky antacid hearts with the fun messages on them can't possibly justify prix fixe menus and astronomical markups on flowers. That said, I have traditionally indulged my partners who enjoy this fake holiday. A thread:

Tomorrow being Friday the 13th, I'll probably watch a few installments of the film series tomorrow night. Do I go with Parts 2-4 (Jason's original killing spree), Parts 4-6 (the Tommy Jarvis Trilogy), or something else? Note that I'm unlikely to watch anything post-1989.

Today is the third day that I've had a really painful knot in my upper back, and if someone agile could come by right now and deliver a vicious roundhouse kick to the back of my neck, that would be great.

After the emotional rollercoaster that was yesterday, I am spending today working on an issue with the oxygen sensor in my car. And that should be more than enough for one day, except no, my father apparently downloaded some sort of debilitating virus onto his phone and I have to deal with that too.

The Michaels arts and crafts company has sent me two emails a day apparently since its inception. That's more frequent contact than I want to have with lifelong friends; time to add these thirsty bitches to my spam folder.

I have an epic, likely expletive-heavy rant on deck, and once I organize my thoughts sufficiently* and find the time to type it out, you fine people will have the privilege of reading it. *Organizing my thoughts sufficiently is necessary because I'm going to sound like a fucking madman otherwise.

Today my therapist asked me if I knew what hotwifing is.

On my flight today, a chatty lady said, “I can’t go to New York with all that’s going on over there.” And I said, “What? Free child care?” And she stopped talking to me.

I wanted to feel something good tonight, so I drove 40 minutes to a soul food place I'd never been to before. Arrived ten minutes before closing - I didn't think to check their hours before I left - and now I'm eating hot links, collard greens, and macaroni and cheese in my car. I'm okay.

I am not okay today, and it feels like I'm never going to be okay again (I probably am, though). I am telling you this because circumstances have conspired to force me to miss my afternoon support group. Which I really fucking needed to not miss this week.

Opened up Bluesky to vent about a random issue and instinctively started scrolling. So of course now I feel worse.

Can you be apolitical and still truly be a crystal-collecting barefoot holistic vegan peace-and-love yoga-and-meditation constantly high home birth hippie? Asking for a friend.

If you ever feel like you're not respected or taken seriously, remember that the President and his lunatic fringe spent months raging against Bad Bunny performing at the Super Bowl, and the NFL heard all of it and said, "I think there's more to gain in defying these people than in acquiescing."

Can't sleep. Horny.

It's not even midnight and we're already at "Deport Elmo."

THIRTY-NINE SECONDS! COME ON, PATS! YOU CAN DO THIS!

New England needs to score a touchdown a minute for the next three minutes and get a two-point conversion in order to tie the game.

"You watched that halftime show and not mine? That hurts, Donald. I thought we were boys." - Kid Rock, probably

Ok aside from the fact that this banger of a halftime show is going to give the right wing a collective heart attack, which is fucking awesome, how about the technical wizardry that went into that one camera take through the hedge maze

As great as this performance is - and it is - my viewing experience is enhanced by the collective aneurysm of countless impotent racists.

Awww, so close.

I was going to do this again, but most of mt recent thirst traps were lost when my phone bricked. I guess I can quickly take some new ones, but they won't be great so I'm gonna keep my fingers crossed for a low-scoring game.

I haven't gotten off since...Tuesday? I'm pretty sure it was Tuesday. Maybe even Monday. That needs to change tonight.