Bracing myself for the facile, lazy takes about Rachel in The Traitors and how working in communications must mean she’s a liar.

You can keep your list of ‘We Didn’t Start The Fire’ people. For me, the more important dead/alive checklist is the opening theme from The Fall Guy, which currently stands at: • Farrah Fawcett ❌ • Sally Field ✅ • Bo Derek ✅ • Robert Redford ❌ • Cheryl Tiegs ✅ • Raquel Welch ❌ • Clint Eastwood ✅

“May the Yuletide log slip from your fire and burn your house down”

Managed to watch a holy trinity of films this weekend: a Carry On (Cleo); a Bond (Goldfinger); and a Star War (Empire). Not bad at all.

The angel-who-is-older-than-me took her rightful place on the tree yesterday.

Bacon roll, cup of coffee and browsing Jean-Michel Jarre records on eBay. Ah, Christmas.

He saw the light.

Have had quite a few drinks at my Christmas do. Chambord Royales were the name of the game. Stay tuned for pictures of my Secret Santa gift: a booklet of pictures of ‘Princess Diana as mushrooms’.

Went out.

Having a great old time going through my old Twitter images.

Good morning. Woke up thinking about the terrifying singers in Battlestar Galactica. (What the fuck were the make-up people thinking?)

Diagrams like this are very important as we gird our loins for festive family gatherings and the inevitable conversations about why GB ‘News’ is fine.

The genius that was Sue Townsend:

Happy GoldenEye anniversary to those who celebrate. Bunked off to watch the first screening.

Delay Repay but compensation for having to share a train carriage with the world’s worst two human beings wang on endlessly about wealth fund management.

Great day out; bum result.

The trouble with opening a Chinese Super Embassy in London is you fancy opening another one an about an hour later.

“You ought to know better than to walk into somebody’s house and start hitting people with your Rex Harrison hat”

Q’s identigraph is so polite. G O O D B Y E

Surprised to learn - from a frothing relative who lives 5,000 miles away - that “Sadiq Khan has banned the Union Jack”.

I am calling upon the people of Ireland to immediately begin construction of a thread on this site about how you or someone you know was roasted for a fashion choice. We need it. All roasts must have come from Irish people *only*. Please respect this important rule, it makes a difference. Tanks

My mom wore a jumper with a painting on it, and got called Paul Cézanne for a whole week.

Still can’t believe the man from The Clampers was in The World Is Not Enough and I wasn’t.

I made a “how do you do, fellow kids?” joke to someone in their mid 20s who, it turns out, was too young to have heard of that meme. So “how do you do, fellow kids?” is now an example of “how do you do, fellow kids?”

Welcome to Endgame* (*indoors if wet) #CelebrityTraitors

Ugh.

It comes to something when you have to write an email to solicitors that contains the question “Please can we get this over the line before I lose my mind?”

Hannan and Frost in the Telegraph. Sunak in the Times. Kwasi Kwarteng in the iPaper. Johnson in the Mail. Gove editing the Spectator. Farage everywhere. All of them shamelessly honking out their ‘Listen to me!’ garbage, as the country flails around in the unbelievable mess they’ve made. Nauseating.

Driving just now, a bastard firework went off the exact second I was changing gear. Thought my fucking gearbox had exploded.

Bye bye Babs #CelebrityTraitors

I knew it! They’ve changed Amber. #TheArchers

Oh, Pru. Sybil Fawlty, Sarah France, Irene Spencer - wonderful creations that brought me so much joy. My heart is broken.

Why does Michael Portillo walk like that?

Just found this on my laptop from February 2021. Pandemic obviously sent me mad.

Strictly. Two words: Alan. Carr.

If I started to list them, I might never stop. I’m awful.

Ice cream vans in October can fuck off.

The BBC are accidentally running the subtitles to Mrs Marple over the Mercury Prize, and it’s rather wonderful. A few of lines could plausibly have been written by Jarvis.

Hannah Jane Parkinson is so good www.theguardian.com/stage/2025/o...

Stamp duty is not the problem, dickhead. The problem is the profiteering by the layers of people: conveyancers, estate agents, mortgage brokers, lenders, sales progressors, management companies. There are so many characters involved in my current move, I’ve had to draw myself a fucking diagram.

Had to check my watchlist to make sure this wasn’t me. Fortunately, it’s just a load of Star Trek: The Next Generation episodes, so that’s definitely me.

I’ve been trying to move for 16 months. The whole system is fucked and needs a total overhaul, not just some tinkering around the edges.

It’s happening.

“So I leaned over… tapped her on the cleavage with a pastry fork, I said…”