Putting on a hoodie while wearing hair clips and I finally understand how a stegosaurus felt getting dressed

Did you know that dead frogs can be reanimated by a fungus infestation? Anyway that's the Trump admin right now www.patreon.com/posts/zombie...

Fun of NY Post to describe a “sprawling missive” and then specify it was 1052 words, that’s like everyday article length before my editor gets mad at me and cuts 100

Get ready for weeks of legacy American media types hallucinating solidarity with the mad ruling junta that hates them, saying “see we’re all in this together, what happened to norms”

Erasing diversity gains is the core aim of this government, so job done I guess

A movie couple who would definitely have a podcast

Fuck me, imagine having a political worldview summed up by “furious that poor kids got to visit the zoo”

In Portugal it is important to regularly sun your grotesque distended gourd

Sweaty Betty’s nemesis is Annie Perspirant

It’s weird how, as a writer in say 2002, the only way to reach people in bulk was by collecting email addresses. And in 2026 the only method is… collecting email addresses

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

In 24 hours on the road I have seen drivers say thanks out the window for a merge by throwing a) a peace sign and b) a shaka. Dudes are so back

Snowballs are a gateway projectile

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight’s intimate performance…”

The trick to catching anchovies is that first you have to send out a tiny little boat

I fucken love figure skating

Cut my rice into pieces, this is my last risotto

Broadly of the philosophy that societies should lock up the people on the huge child abuse list instead of locking up the migrants who committed no crimes

The dull-minded fucks who are running things these days are not normal. They're not a majority. They're fucking weirdos & freaks, scared of their own shadows. Humans are creative, cooperative, & curious, they like novelty & diversity, they like movement & evolution & *life*. Fuck this death cult.

No Kings includes Draft Kings

The shivery murmur of understanding by the crowd at about 1:20 is one of those extraordinary small human moments

This next song is called Stop Trying to Sell Me Soap by Describing It Like Food

Matt Damon has Finnish and Scottish ancestry, no doubt a bunch of incels will get real mad that he’s going to play a Greek dude

The story won't be new to anyone following it, but here's some thoughts on Minneapolis and watching a month of state-created violence from far away. www.patreon.com/posts/minnes...

Your guys might kill people, but one thing they will never do is “outsmart” them

The story won't be new to anyone following it, but here's some thoughts on Minneapolis and watching a month of state-created violence from far away. www.patreon.com/posts/minnes...

Truly insane to have government ministers shilling a private industry product that doesn’t work and that they don’t understand

They call me a

Men will hunt parole violators across the years before throwing themselves in the Seine because they’re damned if they’ll live in the debt of a thief instead of going to therapy

"Without us, you'd all be speaking German,” remarks man visiting Switzerland, where people speak German

Oh no! Of all places, queer people are blurring conventional gender constructs in the theatre now?

This could get spicy at the Winter Olympics in a minute

Like, who is not stealing these cold sweet plums from an icebox? Find me that claimant and I’ll find you a liar

SHALL WE ALLOW THIS GREAT UNION AND THE RIGHTS ENSHRINED THEREIN TO BE HELD HOSTAGE BY THE SLAVEDRIVER, WHO VAINLY BEGS THE ASSENT OF THOSE TERRITORIES WE CALL "FREE" TO RETURN TO HIM HIS "PROPERTY", WHICH IS RIGHTLY A MAN? SHALL WE SACRIFICE OUR RIGHTS AS BURNT OFFERINGS UPON THE ALTAR OF TYRANNY?

MY DEAREST ADELAIDE, I WRITE TO YOU WITH A FIRE IN MY HEART. BUT NOT ONE BURNING WITH PASSION FOR YOUR FLESH, THOUGH YOUR BEAUTY SURPASSES WORDS. NAY, I BURN WITH A RIGHTEOUS FURY TO RID THIS GODLY NATION OF THE REBEL MENACE AND BRING EMANCIPATION TO THAT SLUMBERING RACE OF MEN TRAPPED IN BONDAGE.

Have to say, even after all the brouhaha, if there are chilled plums in the icebox I am gonna steal them immediately, they are delicious

It’s true, writers tend to be politically progressive because writing involves thinking about things, and that’s where thinking takes you

Alas, even Mamdani is not immune from the great American disease: cutesy titles for legislative bills with initials that spell out a word

A mentor of mine died just before Christmas. Far more than that, too, was Chris Wallace-Crabbe. I've been thinking about it all, in the way that the end of a year brings on. Happy 2026. www.patreon.com/posts/end-of...

me: you boy what day is it today? boy: nonces shout out of the window day. me: oof you’ve absolutely done me there.

More like Santa’s Sweatshop

Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals

Add to the list of capital crimes: Airbnb listings with photos of nearby tourist attractions. I know what fucking city it's in dipshit. That tram is not in your living room

Guten Morgan Freeman

Bagels are good for when you want to spread stuff on bread but you also want a little challenge

Damn, this list must have taken some compiling

Sunny afternoon in Lisbon, cabby with the window down blaring The Neverending Story

Four Seasons day remains my favourite day to have been a person on the internet

Sandwich Guy goes free - writing about his case a while back was one of the few enjoyable moments of the dystopia cycle www.patreon.com/posts/137813...

Get yourself an aloof wife to quietly steer your campaign