Happy boxing day

Worked the price out with my Uber and they're taking 45% commission. That's fucking insane

Whamaggeddon lost.

Deck the halls and lock him up. Written by Rikki Beadle-Blair Performed at Soho Theatre, Walhamstow for charity fundraiser "Comedians Do Carols."

white boy off one gay bar pour of vodka and cranberry juice bout to square up with mewtwo

The Files were a whole lot of nothing weren't they

After 3 years of interruptions (i.e. me getting too smoked and passing out or me getting fucked midway through), I have finally gotten to watch Muppets Christmas Carol again

HEED THE OMEN OF THE ROWLING CUBE.

Here it is! Hank Howell & Billy Buns are back in ⭐Bun Hunting 2.0: You Can (not) Be Baked⭐ 2D animation is the medium I love❤️Being able to craft it every day with people I trust & cherish is a true luxury!✨ To the team & everyone, thank you! Watch the film in the reply!

Ow

Time to get really vehemently drunk on someone else's tab

It's been years since a Christmas advert has broken me, oh my godddd The little tail wagging finished me off 😭

No, Trainline, I didn't want an AI assistant. I wanted your app to work.

Me choosing shags in the bar playing "Mr Brightside"

runescape hitting me with a gutpunch at midnight

Wanna wish Agatha Christie a very happy Gone Walkies day today

i’m setting you free. i’m releasing you from the discourse

Sometimes I look back on the Luigi/UnitedHealth story and remember the way everyone collectively gasped in shock to find out that the murderer was a bit of an arsehole

Me looking at my beard every 6 weeks

Omg I just saw Elijah Wood

When I say "My night is ruined" this is what I mean

I may or may not be on some police bodycam taking the piss out of someone being arrested and cracking up the copper arresting him. 😇

Neighbours kept me up for two hours overnight and I woke up ten minutes ago to make my bus what's up world

the ultimate polycule

Using a psychotherapy that's effective in treating serious mental health issues as a punchline... Referring to a hit piece spun by The Sun where the fella was genuinely led to believe he was treating someone with serious body image issues. The mask isn't even red anymore.

Well that was utterly dogshit

Hundreds of thousands of people are paying attention to this. Tens of millions will be affected. Can they get serious for five fucking seconds?

Here we go

If they're taxing milkshakes does that mean they'll be okay with us buying them to throw at politicians?

No regrets though 👀

I have DOMS from riding dick I didn't know that was possible 🫠

Can you tell I've been playing runescape

Molly House bartender said "Back again?" To me, I need a new place to booze

Can't believe it's 1:30am and I'm losing my mind about how Henry VIII didn't actually write Greensleeves

I'm gonna get drunk with so many European men

It's actually painful to think about how getting ill when you're younger - you're just out for half a day And as time's getting on I've been floored for 3 days 😭

Hope I'm doing @bbnomula.bsky.social proud with "Come to Brazil"

Trying to Google whether I can mix Lemsip and my sleep aid and I just get suggestions for drug helplines 🫠

I have a cold

Man's about to get 99 cooking in the pub

My biggest fear is seeing a video posted from a CCTV room of me falling over in a public space and hearing the security guard laughing

I suppose one benefit of being riddled with disturbed sleep is getting to see the people I follow from the US sharing their relief and hope.

Woke up today to the news

You could add swing to any drum and bass song and tell me it's Dimension and I'll believe you

Confuzzled paid for No little treats for Seb

This is the best fucking broth I've ever made

If anyone ever asks me what Warrington is like I'm just gonna send them this. Wet brain is a perfect term