My body is a machine that turns Splatoon analysis into shoulder presses.

"One cannot absolutely tell the difference between a 275 hitter and a 300 hitter by watching. The difference is one hit every two weeks."

There's a timeline where I won the lottery and all I do all day is study Splatoon. Alas, this is not that timeline.

IT'S FINALLY HEEEEERE IKE HAS ARRIVED

BTW, IPL is having an official English cast of SplashGo this weekend, a major Splatoon LAN in Japan full of the best players in all of the known universe.

I could consult every thesaurus, comb every dictionary, and commit to memory every SAT vocabulary flashcard. I still wouldn't be able to properly describe the incomparable euphoria of a truly hard workout.

Glad to see the official Splatoon channels recognizing the Squid Sisters' placement on the tier list.

Don't Park on the Grass 2016 ran December 17-18th. Which means I've officially reached... NineWholeYears of casting Splatoon. What a journey it's been. Always been adamant that I'm not fit to teach anyone how to cast, but... Maybe I'll pen out my thoughts into a guide of sorts.

"Is Niney Tips really the best name you could come up with?" "Well, NineWholeTips wasn't much better." "Yeah okay"

World Champion Player lobs to World Champion Commentator BOOYAH

It’s all come down to this. The #S3NAL Playoffs are UPON US. Tune in tonight at 8 PM ET / 4 PM PT as our cast discusses the storylines that led to this weekend, and which team they think will be able to come out on top as the #S3NAL Champion.

Recapping a frame perfect ending to Superjump 7 and previewing this weekend’s Splatoon 3 North American League Playoffs with @ninewholegrains.bsky.social on the Popcast. Popcast today 6p ET on IPL.

With the Splatoon 3 NA League playoffs happening in two weeks, I created a dashboard that analyzes statistics for all teams in the Top 8 playoffs for head-to-head matches! You can find and interact with the dashboard here: public.tableau.com/app/profile/... (More information below)