A rifle is the new clipboard and hard hat, you can just walk into anywhere and nobody will question you.

Oh. My. God.

Idk, I've been watching how surveillance tech was weaponized against US residents over the last year and I just don't think we need MORE of it.

Nobody likes MY proposal of putting a brick of explosives where each airbag goes so if you get in an accident everybody involved dies automatically

They call it a toilet because you gonna toil on it

So, as it turns out, the strategy of just nodding your head but not doing anything to build the Golden Dreadnought or whatever isn't actually going to work.

HEGSETH! COLBY! WHERE ARE THE FUCKING JASSMS?

Mr beast, boxing really isn't that hard and a shrewd showbiz man like yourself could win it all

there are a few Pokemon who CAN consent and buddy, , I. HAVE. FUKCED. THEM. ALL.

This is important

Sid Meier's Jacksonville, Florida

The core covenant the Russian state has with its citizens is "we'll do whatever you want as long as you keep the war and suffering far away" and let's just say the Russian state isn't honoring that agreement right now.

So much dark money has been pouring into VA for weeks trying to kill the redistricting effort lol

The Spanberger Legions march to victory in Virginia

Watching any comedy produced between the 50s and mid 80s and most of them are just a bunch of goofy guys pinballing from situation to situation loosely bound by a scrap of plot

In this house, we believe if you kill enough neighborhood pets you, too, can become a tech CEO

must be super fun to be a kid right now with the adults around you panicking and saying stuff like “science in america is cooked forever! it’s ruined for generations“ to just have your future written off by the people you rely on in front of you. must be super enjoyable

Alas, poor Yorick (\_/) (°-°) />💀<

Patient presents to the Emergency Department after panicking when realizing it's 11:25 pm on 4/20 and smoking an entire jug of Roundup.

Doing the mirror test to assess the self-awareness of my 2004 Dodge Neon

I'm at Dick's Sporting Goods teaching a tennis racket how to smoke weed

There used to a pop song every year named "Hero" and the chorus was always "You're a hero deep inside / don't ever let your hero hide". But then 9/11 happened, and every pop song was named "Party Booty (Bootyhole Remix) feat DJ A$$crack". And if it isn't true don't correct me.

"oh I can't fit all my clothes in this suitcase" fuck you, get on my level. My pants are made of underwear. My hat is a jacket. Everything I own fits in a Nalgene bottle.

me and the boys on the USS Abraham Lincoln eating boiled boot leather and sharing stories about the most Realistic Pussy we've ever seen

See you, Space Cowboy

BABE WAKE UP, WE'RE DOING BORDER WARS AGAIN

Did the US ever get an update on why a general and a bunch of prominent scientists turned up dead recently? Is that a thing people are caring about?

no, you can't explain to me what a "Sneako" is. I'm Saved.

watching baseball, my most favorite game

POLITICIANS: consumer sentiment is in the toilet and nobody agrees why. EVERYBODY: are you gonna try some things? maybe help people out? POLITICIANS: lol. lmao.

I Just Think Anyone Taking On A Position Of Power Should Have To Swear An Oath While Their Hand Soaks In A Bowl Of Their Own Blood And Then They Should Have To Dig A Grave With Their Name On It And Hang The Shovel In A Place Where They Will See It Every Day And I Don't See What's So Weird About That

Everytime you visit Clearsky, your chances of getting into heaven drop by 1%

The reason every military on earth has settled on a command structure where each officer is in charge of about 3-6 people underneath them is because that's about the hard limit of what a person can reasonably keep track of. Unless the AI is wired into your brain, it's not going to solve that

Ohh, the Riley Gaines-shaped piece of ablative armor just got hit and blew off

Thinking about how every first-hand account of Mark Zuckerberg is like "He kills animals. I've seen the bones. It's not clear to me if he's human or not. Either way, I don't think he has a soul."

I think if rich and poor alike in your society feel incredibly precarious about the near and long term future, it doesn’t really matter what the charts say, your economy is not in good shape. Commerce relies on trust and we got rid of that in favor of subscriptions, scams and planned obsolescence

We've had some clues over the years that Katy Perry sucks, so I guess something like this makes sense. The arc of justice is long but hopefully it bends toward Ruby.

A very compelling case for learning how to kick down doors with 3 to 11 of your closest friends

Buccees is weak on borders

We are now on Viktor Orbán Flees Hungary Watch

JD Vance, you must endorse chiropractic medicine

I think we could trick JD Vance into getting buccal fat removal

I think another reason many Americans Feel Bad About the Economy: There is a constant barrage of information indicating to the casual observer that people who run scams and lie and refuse to play by the rules aren't just going unpunished, they're *making way more money than you are* as a result.

what walking around for 13 hours wearing shoes that are 6 sizes too big does to a mfer

They should start sending JD and Musk to more places. The results are incredible every time.

Bad couple weeks for Big Account fights, huh

For a company spending a gazillion dollars on lobbying to kill projects for free tax filing, you'd expect TurboTax would be able to create ads that don't suck runny ass. Not so!