Spooky lake month comments from a 10 year old - “That’s like what happened to those rich people, right? They got crushed in the submarine like a can… 🎶 my little soda pop 🎶 “ “…I love making dumb dark jokes”

Me: please don’t put your grimy hands on my face D: fine, I don’t want your clean face messing up my grimy kid hands! Snark improvement?

Actual picture of the current administration getting mad about a totally banal talk show

D: mOM…I told you…the movie comes out October 10th Me: sorry I have a lot more to remember than you do. Like property taxes, insurance billing, grocery lists, life insurance payments, car maintenance… D: AAHHH MY INNOCENT CHILDHOOD BRAIN!

I took a 10 year old to see the Downton Abbey movie and he reacted appropriately to everything, including looking at me like this 😲 in jest when a character’s Di-VORCE was brought up.

Is it just the video that is alarming people? Because that HAPPENS TO INNOCENT CHILDREN on a regular basis and a lot of people don’t seem that concerned.

Today’s another day of: Open social media app Cry at the first thing I see Close social media app

My child got called “zesty” (gay) for singing a song about going home with a hot chick (chappel roan).

Everyone’s childhood just died a little too. 😭

Rewatching the hunger games made me realize the only Katniss we have right now is Miss Rachel.

Here’s how you know I’m middle aged - I’m browsing the cholesterol subreddit.

The fact they chose California as the flash point is also an indicator that they don't think these things through LA has like 4M+ people. Sending every single ICE officer is ~20K, LAPD is 9K, LASD is 10K. Going in at 100:1 manpower – leaving zero bodies for literally anything else – is foolish 1/

Just posted by President Trump as Governor Newsom confirms the new about the National Guard (see my feed)

Said good bye to my cousin by saying “see you in hell!” We both currently live in the states and are visiting family elsewhere. I have no idea what we will both be returning to but..yeah. Hell.

D: that’s a weird name Me: Gertrude? D: yeah it’s weird Me: the nickname is Gertie D: THAT’S WORSE

My child named his Minecraft camel “Priscilla Queen of the Dessert[sic]” which is a delight.

Yes, this is a genuine 1949 DC Comics illustration printed on book covers distributed to schools in the US.

D: is that paramount building THE paramount?…is the Hollywood here THE Hollywood?

I asked a 23 year old if she knows what a vcr is and her response was, it sounds familiar, I think I’ve heard of it. ☠️

D: I used to only fart, but now I burp too

This is too good

WE SAT DOWN FOR DINNER AND WE'VE GOT DINNER AND A SHOW HAHAHAHAHAHA

The world sucks and everything’s too expensive and still I put almost $600 down for a switch 2… Yay!

Reasons my kid is crying at bedtime: he killed a spider several months ago and now he feels guilty and sad that he hurt something so small 😭🥹

Going to kind-of-space for 10 minutes is not a human achievement. Sorry, fuck you. Do better.

Me: why is it funny to throw popcorn at the screen during the chicken jockey scene? D: …it’s satire.

Two queer teen girls told me I am slay. It’s the best compliment I’ve received in a long time.

I’m tired of clapping for men doing the bare minimum, too late. But I will do so because it’s better than (GESTURES WILDLY).

Me: did you like the new song? D: yeah! I liked it…what did you think Me: I didn’t like it. It’s not for me. D: I didn’t like it either Me: you just said you did! D: sometimes I’m not honest about my opinions.

D was very obviously disappointed when the movie started. He leaned over and whispered “this movie’s not in color?” and I just shrugged back at him. The movie was the Wizard of Oz. Five minutes later: “It’s so pretty!”

Me: go get ready for bed D: yes skibidi mama Me: HEY D: …it’s not an insult

Today marks the first time I asked my kid to do something and he rolled his eyes at me… poorly. The eye rolling needs work, but he’s being raised by a master.

Okay, so joy as resistance has been completely removed from its original context, and that’s why what you know of now doesn’t really work. In the Roaring 20s, during the Harlem Renaissance, Zora Neale Hurston found herself at odds not only with conservative whites but also neo-abolitionists

Everyone in my dream said “Macbeth” as many times as possible. I’m unsure if they meant the play or the character. Is this intentional bad luck from inside the house, or just some kind of subconscious Shakespeare interest?!

Why is everything

I saw a man move to walk on the traffic side of a very small woman with a red cane. They were crossing the street and a bus was blocking the street view of them. I thought they were together but he just saw a potential problem and took care of her.

Drove past a certain car dealership with a whole row of idiot trucks on display and yelled “Elon Musk is a fucking Nazi” with my kid. Pointless, but satisfying.

Don’t let Nazis do Nazi shit at Disneyland.

D: I feel like I don’t laugh as much as other people…probably because I’m the funny one.

This weird little corner of the internet went full doom and gloom very quickly.

D: your job seems boring

Someone who doesn’t believe in the moon landing challenged me to provide a valid news source and this is why I don’t post to Facebook anymore.

D: thank you for bringing me here mom. I didn’t think a 10 year old would be so full of gratitude. 🥹

Today’s the day my kid figured out how to use chopsticks 🥢

D: I would put laxatives in Santa’s cookies to make him (lowers voice)…shit (intense giggles)

Getting shot on the street is the American version of a government agency forming an oversight committee to investigate a healthcare company’s claims rejection rate.

There are so many movies I’ve been itching to share with my kid. He liked Fellowship of the Ring which means this is one of the happiest pop culture days I’ve had as a parent.

D: they’re all boy ducks Me: no there’s a girl duck right there D: oh because it has the purple feather…what if it’s gay? Me: there are gay ducks, but being gay doesn’t change their feathers. D: I support gay ducks.

I watched a lady with a stroller kick the bumper of a car today, if anyone’s wondering how the ladies are doing. When the driver didn’t respond she slapped her palm down on the hood. I wish I had been able to stop and watch.

What a terrible day to have a functioning heart and brain