This part of Rudolph has made me laugh every year since I was a kid

“There’s more important things than comfort! Like self respect!”

Mom is not happy that I’m “making her” watch John Cena’s final match. She’s less happy that I keep saying intentionally inflammatory stuff like “This is history. It’s like watching the fall of the Berlin Wall or the last episode of MASH.”

Ol Toilet Dinner is calling it quits 🫡

My mom is visiting to help make Christmas cookies and I made dinner. She's gluten intolerant so I made a pork wellington with this very expensive gf puff pastry I found. Except when I rolled it out I used fucking wheat flour because I'm fucking stupid. FUCK!

Hey Millennials, you should congratulate Gen Alpha on their first successful kill

Every tax dollar spent on public health should be laser focused on curing all manner of gluten intolerance. It's a scourge. Is this something I'm saying just because I had to work with gf puff pastry and now I'm so frustrated I might hurt myself? No. Of course not.

Michael C. Rockefeller got shipwrecked in 1963, washed up on an island, and was promptly eaten by cannibals.

My mom used to play a hole through this Lorrie Morgan Christmas CD when I was a kid and we all used to roll our eyes and groan about being subjected to it. Now it's just not Christmas unless I hear a little of it.

If your favorite player is the best player on your favorite team, I distrust you somewhat. It's not a red flag exactly, but it bears deeper investigation.

half of american cyberpunk does, like, meticulous worldbuilding to explain why omaha, nebraska is a free city or whatever and then has the entirety of asia controlled by The Empire of Orientalism, a polity where everyone has fu manchu mustaches and is singularly obsessed with raping white women

The denizens of Whoville were right, that Grinch guy was a real turd.

I've seen people say this is an absolute rip off for Minnesota. Can a real puck knower confirm?

Please, please, please

I'm not some kind of weeb, I don't speak Japanese, I don't particularly care about Anime or Japanese culture in general (I don't not care!)... but every time some fringe major leaguer signs with an NPB team I think... Damn, that sounds like such a fun adventure! Like, I'm jealous a little?

Kind of feels like Jamele Hill should maybe have waited a little longer to write her piece

A lot of people seem surprised by Kirk Cousins winning in prime time, but you have to understand that he ruins everything. It’s never about the wins and losses, he’s gonna make every situation worse

lol what was that call by Al Michaels? I know he's 81 but jeez.

I just put two big spoonfulls of vanilla frosty into Slugger's bowl and Loretta went "Tsk, our poor chunky boy!"

Trump sent Vance there twice. He threatened to cut off all federal spending to the state. He vowed to back primary challengers of any Republican who voted against him here. He posted their names online, prompting his fans to send them death threats. But all that failed, so now he wasn't involved.

Literally every cool American thing is because of immigrants. All your favorite foods, sports, culture, music, everything.

Weird isn't this the thing that Democrats gave up every single ounce of their leverage to get a vote on? Almost seems like the party is comprised of cowardly idiots.

Which AI of a beloved Disney property do you think is going to sext an underaged kid first?

Every time I see this doofus I can't help but think of how David Hogg made his own pillow company and it was a big disaster. It was a stupid idea and poorly executed because David Hogg was a good student academically and never had to learn how to do anything.

Every article you see about her is like "Jeff Bezos Ex-Wife Donates $X to [Cause]" Sometimes they're even kind enough to slip her name in the headline. But what if they were like "Philanthropist MacKenzie Scott donates to [Cause]?" That'd be better, right?

If I say what CEO's deserve I'd get banned

I woke up still furious the Red Sox were too cheap to sign Pete Alonso.

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

www.espn.com/college-foot... Oh damn

I know you're not allowed to tell people on Bsky to unalive themselves but are we allowed to have a conversation about it?

Why would you ever take someone who says this seriously?

A lot of Red Sox fans seem to think that trading for Marte as a fallback option is a forgone conclusion. But in order for that to happen: 1 Bres would need to close a deal instead of just giving a statement using inflated academic diction 2 Boston would need to commit to a veteran player for 5yrs

The other day Red Sox broadcaster Will Flemming tweeted that Red Sox fans will be smiling in about 72 hours. Now he's leaving X because people are rightfully bullying him.

Do you know how easy it is to not fuck subordinates?

Of course not. Their vision did not align, you see, because Pete Alonso wanted to be paid a salary commensurate with his ability as a major league baseball player. This is no longer in keeping with the tradition of noted poverty franchise, the Boston Red Sox.

“Um ahktually everyone thought the sky was falling when the Red Sox failed to sign Fried too. So maybe everyone should just wait and see what happens next now that they failed to sign Alonso” STFU. Im not going to hold my breath waiting for Bres to catch lightning in a bottle again

I'm actually furious. I've been a John Henry apologist for a long time, but losing out on Alonso to the Orioles is unforgivable. What the fuck did you think he'd cost?

Can't wait for 2 years from now when Breslow is fired for "not being aggressive enough" as cover for the FSG being cheap asses.

I'm loading magazines during this training which functionally is no different than doing crochet or whatever. I'm keeping my hands busy!

🎶Oh I hope I don't have to have my webcam on for this meeting at 10:30! I didn't shower today and I'm still in the clothes I slept in!🎶

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fykB... I cannot read enough words or see enough videos exploring Rick Pitino's suckitude. Had absolutely no business running an NBA team. He was a joke. We could have hired Larry Bird instead and despite losing the Duncan sweepstakes, we would have been fine!

I honestly think Nathan MacKinnon and Cale Makar could both become gold medal figure skaters if they wanted to.

Who could have predicted this, besides everyone?

I went to Texas Roadhouse last night and it was good, but I saved half my steak, rolls and baked potato for breakfast. Also saved half the bloomin onion ripoff to have with dinner. I'm getting my money's worth man.

What this tells me is that Philip Rivers has not purchased a single damn Christmas present yet

Maybe it’s the Northerner in me but I actually prefer unsweetened iced tea, dammit!

I think it’s really great that every British person has come together to propagate this hilarious bit that tuna, baked beans and cheese are a popular topping for a baked potato in England. The whole island is committing to the bit in an attempt to trick us.

A 2004 World Series Media Guide

it’s my boithday today, y’know, i never ask for anything for my b-day, but i’ve been stuck at 3.95 million subscribers on youtube for years, it would just be very satisfying to hit 4 million, if 49,499 of ya subscribe, we could make it happen, eh?? eh??? just think about it

companies: “maybe THIS AI ad won’t end in a deluge of mockery”