Manager: how do you stay organized? what systems do you use? Me:

Making my husband explain superconductor news to me in simpler and simpler terms until he finally tells me that we entered a new era on our civ tech tree.

Costco should offer mani pedis like they do eye exams

left my phone's sound on for the first time since I bought it. these apps won't shut up! did you guys know zoom has a whole ass jingle?

Nice. (Jk. Fml.)

How your job wants you to use this tool: stop booking expensive meetings unless they are vital How I would use this tool: reverse engineer what everyone's salary is

So glad the sfpd is out there protecting our children by…arresting our children.

“Full many a gem of purest ray serene The dark unfathom'd caves of ocean bear: Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, And waste its sweetness on the desert air.” (Me, checking my bluesky notifications)

Release your trade. Release your stress. Release your Duolingo streak.

Everyone coming back to Bluesky like

(Sorry for spamposting. Bluesky kept telling me it didn’t post!)

Most CEOs would wait for regulators to enforce a daily limit to their toxic product. I applaud him for proactively self-regulating.

Corporate wants you to identify, etc etc

Debate moderator: You said the vaccines were dangerous! RFKjr: I said they were *interesting*

Idk where this women have tummy aches cultural moment came from. Like. Yes, I have tummy aches all the time but

Got a Tern two weeks ago. I’m officially bikepilled and making it 70% of my personality.

I don’t have to sit here and let an ITALIAN lecture ME about America’s lax moral values! (Walking out of Madama Butterfly)

When you make Kraft Mac and Cheese with the $6 milk

The internet is going to continue to get much worse

My least favorite Magritte painting

they should invent a way out that is not through

Started playing an album in the car. Several songs in husband asks: “Is this the color purple? Fade to purple? Purple dogs? Dog sounds?” It was pet sounds.

I’m not shallow. I’m just peu profoned.

Train conductor on the way to Ottawa bumped into someone and said “very sore-ry” in a nice loud clear voice and I’m pretty sure it’s part of the official tour package.

If someone is using speakerphone in public you are allowed to join the conversation and give your advice.

Hi everyone! PSA: Your N95s and KN95s will block a lot of the particulate matter that makes you feel real shitty during bad wildfires. Even cloth masks and bandannas help. Sorry if this is already obvious to everyone, I would rather be tediously repetitive than not say anything in this case

Sorry corporations, but there's simply no way to make VR look like anything but nerd shit for losers

We aren’t saying you can’t complain about the wildfires. We’re just saying that you have to acknowledge that we knew about the wildfires FIRST - like, before Pitchfork reviewed them.

We went all in on stamina vessels. We’ve got a full second green circle and still only four hearts.

You, an idiot: I’m not getting my kid a phone until they are 15. Me, a genius: my baby will never know the mediocrity of human sight!

Question: When is it reliably 70 degrees in the Bay Area? Answer:

God: and because you ate of the forbidden tree, childbirth will forever be painful Eve: harsh but fair G: and 3 months after the baby is born all of the hair that frames your face will fall out and you’ll be in that awkward growing out bangs phase for 24 months E: you are a wrathful god!!!

Gave up entirely on the surface world. I am the Gloom. Jumping on a frox shouting you merely adopted the darkness I was born into it.

Saw a couple of crows on a date today.

My husband has taught my six year old to tell every item we collect in tears of the kingdom to “get in my belly” in a Fat Bastard accent.

Why doesn’t FaceTime let you leave video messages for people?

I have been saying La Craw for years and today is the first day anyone said anything

Open AI app announces it will begin using radical candor in its responses based on query history. “Jennifer I don’t think it matters if potatoes are allowed on Whole30. Your life is a mess that food fads will not solve.”

The only ethical use of AI is to make me, personally, look hotter.

me: 30 min or 60 min? corworker: 60 if we have time. me: i have secret openings 😉 me: rereads slack me: panics me: hits delete button with extreme prejudice me: i'll try to find 60

I'm just sitting here in the Zoom meeting all alone, feeling alone. this industry really is a lonely one huh.

San Francisco has problems. Not the ones you think. These ones:

This but I’m on the receiving end and I deserve it.