Very excited by the Democratic gubernatorial ticket in Iowa! It’s a very diverse ticket, we have a deer hunter and a turkey hunter

Very excited by the Democratic gubernatorial ticket in Iowa! It’s a very diverse ticket, we have a deer hunter and a turkey hunter

The person who OKed this license plate has a safe job for life and I am simultaneously furious and overjoyed about it

GOOD MORNING! I knew vaguely that ferns reproduce using spores instead of seeds, but what I did not know is that the spores do NOT grow into a fern. They grow into a gametophyte. Bear with me because YOU DO NOT KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING

Ambush predators love camouflage

I hear there was a secret ooze That turned four turtles into dudes

I just learned a 20-mule team was actually 18 mules AND TWO HORSES. what the fuck is happening. I’m throwing up

I HAVE GREAT NEWS ABOUT BROWN KELP! Basically a mature kelp plant pumps out a lot of sex blobs, which burrow into the sea floor. The sex blobs grow up into floating branch monsters; the females have sex bulbs on one end, and the males explode into jizz

The person who OKed this license plate has a safe job for life and I am simultaneously furious and overjoyed about it

I HAVE GREAT NEWS ABOUT BROWN KELP! Basically a mature kelp plant pumps out a lot of sex blobs, which burrow into the sea floor. The sex blobs grow up into floating branch monsters; the females have sex bulbs on one end, and the males explode into jizz

If you start playing Limelight by Rush at the exact moment you cross the event horizon of a black hole, it plays in 4/4 time

It's creepy to find a shoe by the side of the road, but imagine being in the parallel world where they keep finding corpses missing one shoe

MUMFORD’S DAUGHTER: I’m in the band too, right, Dad? *long awkward pause*

“Girl breakfast,” I mumble through a mouthful of male spiders I have mated with

There are two wolves inside you. This is not a sustainable population. I recommend reintroducing at least 500 more wolves

Antonín! Antonín! It’s Marvín! Your cousin, Marvín Dvořák? You know that new sound you’ve been looking for? Well, listen to THIS! *Moravian peasants singing*

Pretty sure I’ll wake up tomorrow and learn we’re paying reparations for Sherman’s March to the Sea

Hoping I end up the kind of old guy who leaves parties with a casual salute and fearing I’ll end up the old guy who leaves parties with a frantic bow and rolling flourish

Who up lacking all conviction

Fun facts about Iowa! 1. Council Bluffs was supposed to be the big railroad junction city and Omaha was supposed to be the shitty suburb- until Omaha’s civic leaders bribed Union Pacific reps with cash and hookers!

Someone should release all the daylight we save in the National Daylight Reserve, annihilating everything east of the Rockies

Hard to believe what a different world we could have for the price of like five extra hugs in 1948

I love when a dog violently disagrees with you, just is disgusted and disappointed beyond measure, and expresses this deathless loathing with a tiny lil sneeze

*Method Man sneers at me* “Torture, man, torture! I’m gonna- I’m gonna mention an obscure 17th-century conflict you’ve extensively studied and then I’m gonna change the subject”

Quarries should have a birthday package where they line up a dozen old toilets for you to kick off a cliff

WHICH STARSHIPS HAVE FAX MACHINES? 🧵

Give everyone equal access to death cabs, not just cuties

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and Grogu

I am very mad I lived more than 51 years before someone told me this shiz was happening in a river a few miles from my house

Blew up the Chicken Man in Philly last night (ASMR)

Who’s got two thumbs and just submitted the last edited article for the 750,000-word encyclopedia they spent four years creating

"There were days where I found nothing, but nothing is good enough for me. There are people for whom nothing is good enough, meaning nothing ever satisfies them, and people for whom nothing is good enough because the point is the quest." sarahkendzior.substack.com/p/the-last-i...

FUN: when some mussels lay eggs, the larvae hatch into mucus structures that look and wiggle like minnows. When a bass comes to eat it, BAM it gets a mouthful of 50,000 larvae. The larvae then latch onto the victim’s gills to suck blood until the larvae can survive on their own!

FUN: when some mussels lay eggs, the larvae hatch into mucus structures that look and wiggle like minnows. When a bass comes to eat it, BAM it gets a mouthful of 50,000 larvae. The larvae then latch onto the victim’s gills to suck blood until the larvae can survive on their own!

we all know I have no life, so:

There is a moment, one split second after your last breath and one split second before the light washes in and all things merge and are obliterated, where you understand every New Pornographers lyric

The answer is, six minutes in, a morel. I retain the favor of the gods

Time for America’s favorite annual game show, WHAT IS IN THE WOODS

There is a moment, one split second after your last breath and one split second before the light washes in and all things merge and are obliterated, where you understand every New Pornographers lyric

Tisza now at 132 seats, one seat away from supermajority.

Admiral Ozzel was a good officer, Vader framed him to cover up his hunt for Luke

Wishing you and yours a very merry Confederate Surrender Day.

Give everyone equal access to death cabs, not just cuties

"Good tsar, bad boyars" has been a recurring theme of Trumpism every year the dude's been office. It's wild.

Even when they show signs of weakness or forced regret, we must not give an inch. Authoritarian governments still respond to public opinion, which is why sustained pressure matters. We have to keep making clear that these thuggish actions are unconscionable and will not be tolerated. Don’t let up.

This is a very important thread, please save for reference

NEWS. 13 years ago, I started work on an encyclopedia of U.S. military actions. Three years of work, 700,000 words- and two weeks after turning in the last article, the publisher axed the project.

I am 50 and I desperately want to stop making decisions. The old bastards running this country are deeply sick. Stay home and do Legos and learn how to make gnocchi, what the fuck are you doing

The US government installed “hereditary chiefs” across countless Native American nations, in order to have someone “credible” to sign treaties with. Literally one of the first things we did as a country