"The Empire is like America ten years from now".

three million years ago somebody picked up a rock because it looked like a little face and held onto it This is older than any god this is who we truly are

the pope isn't from chicago unless he works being from chicago into every conversation

Feeling emboldened that perhaps, in my lifetime, we could have a pope that was in The Sea and Cake

Didn’t even need the third F-18 to get a pope from Chicago, it turns out

Associate Director for Research Libraries position at the Smithsonian Institute www.indeed.com/viewjob?from...

A Chicago Pope implies the existence of an MLA Pope and APA Pope

the New Pope says he's from Chicago but he's *actually* from Naperville

“The pope will be from Chicago” sounds like an 1880s Republican’s dire prediction for if we don’t stop Irish immigration

INTRODUCING YOUR CHICAGO PAPAL BULLS STARTING LINEUP [monophonic Gregorian chanting intensifies]

The moment Bobby Prevost decided to leave for seminary

He's gonna be out there turning water into malort

A mathematician from Chicago! Get ready to hear a shitload of Wilco blasting across St Peter’s Square

i don’t believe in the great man of history theory, but i do kind of believe in a stupid asshole theory of history where one dumb motherfucker ruins things for everyone

Just want to make this plain: You only have permission to make a weird computer sock puppet of me during the trial of my killer in order to explain my fan theories about Admiral Ozzel from The Empire Strikes Back

okay if i get murdered and someone plays a video of a robot version of me in court FORGIVING MY MURDERER i'm haunting everybody. the judge the jury the lawyers, the bailiff, everybody

no he didn't that's not him what the fuck is wrong with you freaks

Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker plans to sign an executive order preventing state agencies from obtaining or disclosing data that personally identifies people with autism, unless required for medical care or legal matters. “Every Illinoisan deserves ... the freedom to live without fear of surveillance.”

The bodies of the first three cardinals to be defeated in hand-to-hand combat have been wheeled out of the conclave

Losing one fighter jet is a tragedy; losing two is just carelessness.--Oscar Wilde

Once I complete the ritual with the offering of a third F-18 it’s over for you bitches

Once they've chosen a new Pope, they drop a Super Hornet Fighter into the Red Sea.

Absolutely terrifying article

I need to revise my living will. DNR includes using a robot to puke up a shadow of my voice

inshallah

A quadriplegic man named Normand Meunier died via MAiD (Medical Assistance in Dying) after being neglected for 4 days in ER. He was denied a specialized mattress, wasn’t turned & ended up with terrible bed sores. His partner says she was threatened with removal from the ER for advocating for him 🧵

To save runaways from slavery who were trying to make lives in the North “illegally,” local Vigilance Committees formed. They kept watch for slave catchers, secreted away those in danger, and posted placards that outed slave catchers, sometimes hounding them till they left town.

Well I've been through the desert on a horse with no name. Yes I’m sure, I asked him repeatedly, he just made bullshit horse noises

not saying anyone should, but I bet you could convince Trump to re-open Alcatraz in under 20 minutes

Quarries should have a birthday package where they line up a dozen old toilets for you to kick off a cliff

SINNERS is a startling, naturalistic portrait of the twin evils of capitalism and racism which also proudly rejects the false promises of Bolshevik-style collectivist violence. In this essay for National Review, I will

Quarries should have a birthday package where they line up a dozen old toilets for you to kick off a cliff

life before social media was much more peaceful some asshole would say “100 men can defeat a gorilla” and someone else would say “shut the fuck up donald” and that was the end of it

SINNERS is a startling, naturalistic portrait of the twin evils of capitalism and racism which also proudly rejects the false promises of Bolshevik-style collectivist violence. In this essay for National Review, I will

Kids today think they invented everything. We were falling for basic-ass conman shit before you were fucking born, you whiny babies, you think we were all secretly onto C+C Music Factory being fake

My 14yo groaned when I mentioned Tate’s name. “No one listens to him,” he said, “He’s an idiot.”

“Okay, you’re going to notice one or two things that are different”

99.9% of Americans won’t hear that Trump killed this program. And at 2,000 additional dead kids or so each year, most people will have no idea what was lost.

Happy 80th anniversary of Hitler killing himself in his bunker to all who celebrate, which, as I now understand it, is not everybody

BREAKING: A judge has ordered the immediate release of Mohsen Mahdawi, a Columbia student detained amid Trump administration crackdown on pro-Palestinian activists. @liz_crampton was in the Vermont courthouse where the decision just camedown. Details TK

A horrible story but god bless this woman so accurately reading the ICE goons for filth here

ICE agents raided the wrong home, discovered this, realized the mom and three kids living there were citizens -- and took all of their phones, computers and money anyway. Reminds me of something corrupt cops would do in a 1980s movie about the Soviet Union. kfor.com/news/local/w...

The Canadian election result shows that the 2024 US election might have gone very differently if American voters could somehow have known in advance what it would be like to have Donald Trump as president

the United States is now the kid who mixed pop rocks with Coke and died

Today Trump actually accomplished something

Just so we're all clear here: the Secretary of Defense has been sharing classified war planning about Yemen in unsecured channels, and now the Houthis have enough intel that they can target US aircraft carriers & force an F18 into the drink. Not hard to connect the dots here.

An anglo/francophone country is set to elect a skilled technocrat, those countries only do this when they're very distressed