//I went to bed at 7pm, if you’re curious

Neighbor won’t turn the football game down.

For once, I wasn’t bein’ horny! I was genuinely tryin’ to help you! (And that was the truth, surprisingly enough. Although now the idea of Ryder taking his shirt off, sweating with the effort of his current activity and he would— no. Bruce refused to get horny while in a room full of body parts.—

It’s the weekend baybeeey.

//this is the last year I’ll be younger than my great uncle, Amos. Right now, we’ve been the same age for a few months. Amos was 26 when he died. He never seriously dated, never left home and never worked a real job. Lately, I’ve felt too much like him. Sunday, my family is inheriting one of his—

Please kill me, I love you!

//book taking so long to get here that I should have just driven to the store and picked it up.

// I found more and it's as if they read our threads @detectivesrgnt.bsky.social

(Bruce was definitely surprised by Ryder’s sudden appearance, but it was hard to think about that right now. In other circumstances, Ryder’s ability to appear seemingly anywhere would have been fun, Bruce thought. For now, it was a little hard to not focus on the red stains and the strange smells.)—

It’s me, dumbass! You don’t have to hide or anything. I at least have an idea of what’s goin’ on in here, so there’s no point in keepin’ it a total secret from me! (Except maybe it was. It was one thing for Bruce to know what Ryder did in his free time. It was an entirely different thing for him—

I do believe I’ve heard you say somethin’ like that, now that you mention it.

Husband!! I’m a husband!!

I love my husband.

//now that I haven’t had an income for two weeks, is it too soon to start writing horrendously vulgar porn for pay?

That’s… incredibly sweet. Thank you.

Guess that’s not your thing, but still…

//BURNED MYSELF MAKING SUPPER

Mhm. Somewhere nice and comfortable and warm.

Tonight. Before bed?

Yes!! I mean… yeah, that sounds like a good time.

… I don’t mean to screw things up.

… that I feel bad for thinkin’ about your cock.

You know I have trouble with not doin’ that.

Cock. Meat. Same thing??

You said meat?

You said pigs eat meat?

I’m not bitin’ your dick off.

You want me to roll in the mud and eat the roots of various plants?

I… no. Don’t think so, now that I think about it. Too animal-like.

So that’s a hard no for you?

Wait a minute. Let me think about that.

Never let me do that again. Please.

I!… well— fine. Okay.

I take plenty of things like a man

I haven’t had any attention for 30 minutes. I’m so brave.

(Briefly, Bruce had wondered if he had enough time to completely dismantle the car, but decided that was way out of his knowledge zone. He’d already pressed every button on the console and had quickly moved to everything on the door, which was very boring. He had went through the glovebox with a—

Hopital.

(Well, if he didn’t have to go in then Bruce sure as hell wasn’t getting caught up in this. Bruce looked around outside for just a short moment, but quickly gave up and climbed into the car. He absentmindedly fiddled with the seatbelt at first, soon moving to press random buttons on the console.—

About to try this. Wish me luck.

Of course I do. They make me feel special

Sweetheart. Honey. I’m not sure which one I like more.

Honey?

… fine.

I— Well, I don’t really know what to say to that. Thank you?

You like my complainin’!

No!! Don’t even say anything like that. Worst thing you’ve ever said yet.

I don’t know… I guess I’ve never been too fond of it.