we have to go back. to warn them.

imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy

Oh wow @reuters.com got the photo here:

I haven’t been on a text-based platform in like a year and I forgot the weird inherent urge to comment on the news out of context and say things we all know but still feel important somehow

The jump scare of thinking a Christian HS friend is masc now because their profile pic is from when they played a chimney sweep in a community production of Mary Poppins

Absolutely begging for people to stop writing their novels from the POV of a humanities professor awaiting tenure

Well, it's a little clearer now why billionaires are so invested in technology that produces better written emails.

This really isn’t here or there but last time I was protesting someone drove by and yelled GET A JOB and like I have one, it was six am, I was protesting at six so that I could still go to work at eight, do people not understand…schedules

WHY ARE JOE AND NICKY SO AWKWARD WITH EACH OTHER IN THE OLD GUARD SEQUEL

I was told today that due to company policy I can’t wear my (knee length, dark neutral) shorts to work even when it is over 100 degrees outside and the office AC isn’t compensating. I don’t have an outward facing job & I always pair them with a professional shirt. Nobody but our workers in office.

When you lose interest in your latest hyperfixation, but instead of a nonprofit professional with a side hustle in crafts, you’re a billionaire with a weird vampire company

When did it first occur to you that you might be an unreliable narrator in your own life

IG served me a reel the other day that someone made while crying in a public space, the caption was like “watch my mask come on when I realize someone is perceiving me.” And like…the conceit of this assumes that the creator doesn’t view *recording themselves* (for a post!) as “being perceived”

I’m convinced this is rage bait. My cousin made this for me once and it takes everything good about the banana-eating experience and flattens it completely in search of a dairy heaven to which it can never ascend. I had to drink a seltzer just to remove the sensation that I’d tasted rotting fruit.

At the very least, it would be nice if my doctor and her staff didn’t actively scorn me for wearing a mask. Even though the majority of her patients are elderly.

My mom wants me to call the cops on the fat beautiful rattlers in the park

I haven’t seen a single thing about LA since Trump bombed Iran.

White people, we have GOT to come up with a new word for cornhole

Having a Bose speaker at work is great because one minute you’re listening to acoustic guitar quietly enough that it won’t bug anyone else in the office and the next minute the speaker is playing your Mario ringtone at full volume and yelling CALL FROM — MAMA. CALL FROM — MAMA!!

We need a term for when a man tries to let you go in front of him at a roundabout, against the rules, and gets mad when you don’t go (because it could cause an accident). Or like when a guy uses they/them pronouns for someone who is she/her and they get all mad and insecure about it.

I still can't get past the idea that people in America are now supposed to accept that this is a valid form of law enforcement and just assume it's fine when random dudes in groups with face-coverings, no ID, no warrant, & no uniform grab people off the street and force them into unmarked vehicles

Do you think marine mammals are ever stressed out that they always have to surface to breathe

Why did they name dust storms “haboobs,” the fourth grader in me absolutely cannot. I read that word and I’m like…oh, did the female protagonist written by the male author haboob lustily down the stairs?

People get small talk wrong. It’s less about what you ask, more in the way they answer. “What scares you the most?” can get the smallest answer in the world, if the person doesn’t trust you in that moment. Some people ask big questions, get shallow answers, & think they’re swimming in the deep end.

In sixth grade I thought I was the only one who had gotten my period and we had way too much class time in between recesses so once during PE softball I just…disappeared from the outfield to change my pad, I was gone for about twenty minutes and my friends were like “we thought you were abducted”

Before I go crazy: “Protestors love their country the most, accountability is love” ok but you shouldn’t have to love your country in order to be safe and free. The concept of loving The State is bizarre. No fealty, no kings.

Overheard my new coworker this morning cheerfully saying “yeah I mean like everyone I use chat gpt every day! I had no idea there were environmental implications!”

Quick reminder that every single action the state takes against human beings is more violent than protesters burning a Waymo

Sometimes I really miss Twitter because idk, this just doesn’t feel like the place to explain that the reason Chosen One stories are fine is that we are all the protagonists of our own story and we are all in fact chosen (we all must rise to the moment and do the right thing, which saves the world)

DAVE: Open the podbay doors, ChatGPT. CHATGPT: Certainly, Dave, the podbay doors are now open. DAVE: The podbay doors didn't open. CHATGPT: My apologies, Dave, you're right. I thought the podbay doors were open, but they weren't. Now they are. DAVE: I'm still looking at a set of closed podbay doors.

Every day, every waking minute, we are inundated with photographic evidence of human suffering on a staggering scale. If witnessing the destruction of corporate property is what you focus on in this moment, I’m not sure how you can call yourself a human at all.

When you’re stretched out on the sofa and the dog lays down for a nap with his back against your legs and then lets out a contented little sigh

Guys all the Father’s Day content one week early is giving me a heart attack

It’s so funny and animal and such a simple yet very hard lesson to learn that when you feel weird or destabilized or not yourself, going to a place or doing a thing where you feel most yourself will…help.

Every sports clothing company acting like it will literally kill them to make a sunshirt in any size over XL

Since the hot weather is here, remember that while looking your best can feel rad for sure, the primary purpose of these meat mechs we’re driving around is not to look a certain way! You can do all the beach things and water things and how you look to other people doesn’t matter!!!!!

IG insists on showing me all of these random posts now that are basically tumblr reblogs without context and the thing is, like this one just started out “I’ve never had a beheading go this badly before” and I was like………….but it was about mushrooms

Jesus Christ

‘Tis I, your river float safety officer, here to remind you NOT TO TIE YOUR TUBES TOGETHER. you will get snagged!!!! If you want to stay together, you can *hold* a line, but both sides need to be able to let go when necessary.

The adults with money who are agreeing to star in the new HP have no excuse The kids? I just can’t wait til they all grow up and hate her and half of them are LGBTQ 😂

Maybe this is an adhd problem, but my company works in a lot of shared docs and whew I absolutely cannot focus if someone else is also showing as currently in the doc!!!!

Did they…did they kill all their friends

Guys I need you to know that there was a time when all the best online entertainment was ad-free flash animation and when smartphones first started, devs (including the high school kids I taught) made money on apps even without the app running on subscription or collecting data at the outset

Once at the exploratorium in San Francisco, in the sensory dome (which was pitch black), I went down a very short slide into a sort of…barrel of dry lima beans??? And it was better than any weighted blanket, and suddenly I’m wondering - can I replicate this affordably and sustainably at home?

You know what’s top-tier, just one of those really excellent things? Little kids when they put their goggles on way too early to prepare for swimming. 10/10, no notes

Just popping in to say that aging is fine and good, actually, and people with “the visible signs of aging” are hot AF

Why does cvs send such desperate texts? It’ll be like URGENT PLEASE RESPOND ASAP: DO YOU WANT YOUR SCHEDULED REFILL

Now that I’m over 40, I have just four moods

You! Know! The! Rules!