Grateful for my trans friends and all the wonderful trans folk I’ve met in the Rust community and elsewhere. Hoping with all my heart that the world becomes a better, safer place for trans people

🧵The so-called " #WarOnDrugs" is a war on people — & largely, on women. As with so many other interconnected issues, women disproportionately feel the impacts of this war through attacks on their #BodilyAutonomy & the trauma & health disparities that come from... bit.ly/DrugTestsFailFamilies

Realizing I need to formalize bpd.fyi as a nonprofit. The mission is synthesizing and translating research on the endogenous opioid system’s role in social pain and emotional dysregulation, and advocating for expanded clinical access to treatments like low-dose buprenorphine.

I don't think people fully appreciate how apocalyptic things are for US science. I haven't had any new funding since 2024, but I'm still ok since typical grants are for three years. This means next year I will be completely out of funding and will have to fire everyone in the lab. It's not great.

does anyone have access to the full text of this? Panksepp et al. (1978). The biology of social attachments: opiates alleviate separation distress. Biological Psychiatry, 13(5), 607–618.

I’ve launched cptsd.fyi, a resource on the potential role of low-dose buprenorphine in trauma-related emotional dysregulation.

A 2015 study found that 0.2 mg sublingual buprenorphine completely blocked the cortisol response to social stress without producing any "high." For people with BPD, that stress response isn't incidental. It's the core of disorder. Treating it is medicine. bpd.fyi/buprenorphine-and-social-stress/

Added a little gold glow to the research page on bpd.fyi to highlight the papers I think are most worth reading if you're new to the topic and want to learn more. The CSS is just a solid border and a layered box-shadow, nothing fancy, but I really like it!

Added a paper to the research page of bpd.fyi today! It measured endogenous opioid levels in cerebrospinal fluid of patients with Cluster B personality disorder. Those with self-injury histories had significantly lower β-endorphin and met-enkephalin. Serotonin and dopamine metabolites didn't differ.

I’ve written a 25-page guide for primary care clinicians on using low-dose buprenorphine for BPD and trauma-spectrum presentations. Looking for clinicians or researchers willing to read it and give candid feedback.

Interesting n=1 observation from experimenting with the endogenous opioid system: ~1 mcg/day buprenorphine has been more stabilizing than 16 mcg naltrexone (taken at night) for a friend with DID who meets ≥5 BPD criteria. Daytime naltrexone wasn’t tolerable (very sedating).

Republicans are using kids as a smokescreen for what Big Tech lobbyists want: a national surveillance program to harvest our data with zero protections for people and their privacy. We must fight this dangerous expansion of surveillance technology.

anyway congratulations seasonal depression gang we survived another winter

Thinking about how the transdermal patch, even the lowest dose of 5 mcg/hour, is probably not gentle enough for extremely sensitive plural systems. If for example, you don't tolerate 10 mcg naltrexone during the day, then 120 mcg buprenorphine per day is probably going to overwhelm your system.

Working on my PCP guide for using buprenorphine for BPD this week I feel like has gotten me a lot closer to unifying its use for trauma-based disorders (such as CPTSD and dissociative disorders).

The Department of Defense is reportedly offering Anthropic an ultimatum: let us use your technology for whatever we want, or else. No company should be forced to be a tool of civil liberties violations.

Here’s the chart that shows how Rx opioids DIDN’T fuel the overdose epidemic. It’s illicit fentanyl. It has been since 2016. Our country has been destabilized by an administration that allowed new analogs to proliferate, while killing #chronicpain patients. Now they’re back. (CDC data) #Disabled

I recently learned that endogenous opioid tone varies with estrogen levels, lowest when estrogen is lowest. For anyone whose estrogen fluctuates (anyone on E) and has BPD/CPTSD: Do your biggest emotional crashes tend to happen when estrogen is lowest? (For some, that’s right before a period.)

This crap has absolutely nothing to do with protecting children and everything to do with forcing people to give up their privacy and data to companies like Palantir.

Opioid-System Epigenetics as a Bridge Between Autism and BPD How shared changes in the endogenous opioid system may help explain overlap in attachment patterns, emotional pain sensitivity, and stress responsivity. bpd.fyi/autism-and-b... #ActuallyAutistic #Neurodivergent

Just published a shorter, more accessible post on what transdermal buprenorphine might mean for people with dissociative disorders and borderline traits. It focuses on practical effects like switching, amnesia, and integration concerns. bpd.fyi/buprenorphin...

I wrote up a much shorter, and hopefully more accessible, post about theoretical changes you could anticipate seeing using transdermal buprenorphine for dissociative disorders with borderline traits. I'll try to get it posted today.

the Black Panthers were right

Dissociation is mediated in part by the endogenous opioid system I explore the overlap with BPD and why slow, continuous transdermal buprenorphine may help a subset of patients Also covers ultra-low-dose naltrexone in plural systems bpd.fyi/did-and-bpd #BPD #Dissociation #DID #OSDD #Psychiatry

i owe some people replies. it's been a busy & chaotic month to say the least.

Learned more than I ever expected about ERISA and how employer-sponsored insurance plans are actually enforced.

this is still somewhat true of what life looks like for me, but in the 2nd half of 2025 i did a lot more paid work, mostly programming, & it was really enjoyable for many reasons.

I put together a website about BPD & how low-dose buprenorphine helped me become more stable. The endogenous opioid dysregulation theory suggests that people with BPD may have lower baseline endogenous opioids & end up trying to self-regulate through intense behaviors. bpd.fyi

the littlest bleep

I finally feel better today after a month of feeling off & low energy.

today's plan - quick sample drop off at the vet - build a cabinet - sit with Vera for an appointment - make progress on my coding demo

i'm capable of solving difficult problems

I was thinking about why it seems like I'm all of a sudden able to and have more desire to talk with people again. I got back on some medicine on November 1st, after being off it for a year and a half.

Here's a picture of my cats. They love each other.

nori's website is gone now, i would like to share this one part. they're good values, and i will try to carry them with me. you nailed it on all of them. i am proud to have been able to call you a friend

Poet, musician, and software engineer nori li, here as @nori.gay, has died. She was phenomenally talented and dearly loved 💜 🏳️‍⚧️ 💜

I’ve been offline for a while. I miss being in quiet connection with people. starting small again.

How do I explain to offline people that my favorite Japanese mascot said "we can only be liberated from queer oppression if we are truly seen as human" and then started wielding fireworks like a rocket launcher on the side of a mountain without sounding like I've totally lost it? Chiitan forever

I urge companies to take funding contributors seriously, in ways that aren’t tied to projects and goals. Being a generalist in the compiler meant that often I wasn’t working towards a roadmap, but my contributions *always* paid off in the long term extensibility of the language.

cheers

I CAN EAT CHOCOLATE AGAIN

first week at the new job & it's going well i think! it's a 3 month contract to work on a few contributions to DocC. all of my work is open source so hopefully i'll share a bit along the way.

i think my new manager should put a meeting on my calendar with the name "HEY >:(" i opened my calendar _yesterday_ & saw i missed TWO meetings. first: "hello!" second: "HELLO! :)"

i got the job i interviewed for & i start on monday. i'm genuinely so excited & grateful. 😌

i got a chance to go to the park today & i had my celebration rice noodle ramen.

i'm finally trying to introduce more foods after doing SCD since september 2023.

i have a technical interview tomorrow for the first time in several years & i'm really hoping it goes well.

got our 3d printers set up today with the help of a friend & my first print just finished around 2:30am.

i do not understand why it’s socially unacceptable to offer potential medical explanations for someone’s symptoms. instead we’re all just quietly watching each other fall apart.