[takes out notebook] [writes down "egg shaped stereo"] [finds notebook 8 years later and has existential crisis about how only one page has anything on it and it's fucking egg shaped stereo] that's mindfulness, baby

i hate to be the one to tell you this, but if the totality of your political activity is voting every two years and complaining about people not voting for your candidate, then you're not an activist; you're just a shitposter like the rest of us. you're also boring and ineffectual. welcome aboard.

Coffee Milwaukee, WI USA #foundart #humansofbluesky #everywhereart #coffeesign #dadaismo

vegan mini cupcakes and coffee

David Lynch passed a year ago today. I hope we all can absorb just a little bit of the energy he put out in his lifetime.

if you go to the grocery store and open a bag of oreos and eat them as you shop you dont have to pay for them also if you do self checkout you dont have to pay for anything plz subscribe for more life hacks related to theft

when its raining out i dont intentionally swerve into puddles to soak pedestrians, i intentionally swerve into the pedestrians so they die and go to heaven and they are now inside the storm clouds and its so loud with all the thunder that they go deaf but then st peter gives them a cochlear implant

making a thread of my winter glove collection:

all i want is every copy of the special blu ray of interstellar where they give you one frame of the 70mm film print so i can take all the frames and turn my gooner pit into an interstellar gooner pit and really im just here to remind you timothy chalamet is in interstellar thanks tim send venmo now

playing tf2 (cry for help)

there's a lot of things to say in a shit world that's absolutely drowning in shit and all the shit keeps hsitting out of their fucking shit fucks but shit ufck hsit fuck fhsit fuck shit fuck thsi cuklt suck thifs ck fuck sthist fuck thsi tufkc tsh

👎 drive like your kids live here 👍 drive like your baby is stuck on the hood of your car and there's a revolver hooked up to your speedometer that will shoot if you go 5% slower than the speed limit

using ai to put together a deck for work and the output is 34 slides of puppies but they get more and more sinister with each slide until eventually it's just an all-encompassing darkness that fills the room and makes you think of death and everyone in the meeting starts crying my boss promoted me

new episode of the pitt where all the patients keep pissing their pants and noah wyle keeps saying "well, looks like someone pissed themselves" and for some reason there's fifteen different scenes where they cut open peoples stomachs anyway good morning coffee

The hardest part about reading short fiction is the part where you have to stop every couple of paragraphs and stare into space and think “holy shit, I love short fiction.”

well, fuck

going to the convenience store to buy a newspaper so i can line a human-sized birdcage with it and shit all over the place like god intended

smelling things

im a pretty simple guy; i just want to discover a way to be immortal without doing any extra work in my life and also be filthy rich and play with my little trinkets and tchotchkes until the sun explodes

oh btw you should check out nadira's other stuff like the zine made of water-soluble paper so you can use it in the bathtub (maybe if we all bully nadira to produce these in real life they will become reality) nadirarod.institute/zine_001

spending the next ~150 hours downloading thousands of GB's of conan o brien show archives that i will add to my external hdd and then never watch

making enough coffee to make me feel like i'm a real human again

when will they make a coffee blend that opens a time portal back to 2004 and i enter it and get to watch ESPN on tv in my room and it's actually enjoyable? time patrolman find me and kill me and then incinerate my body MAN, this coffee is good

singin a made up tune to myself all day 🎵 gettin' dat spreadsheet 🎵 until i am beaten to within an inch of my life and i can file a claim with HR (i am fired in response)

[lazy twilight zone episode]: i'll be fine, just get me a coffee sir, you don't have a bottom half of a mouth omg noooooooooooooooooooooo

drinking enough coffee to turn me into a good writer (volume still unknown)

who else up beanin their grinder and then chemexin they brews and then esophagus they burnin and then hospitalin they own selves?

this is now a bon iver speyside accountI KNOW NOW THAT I CANT MAKE GOOD OH HOW I WISH I COOOUUULLLDD GO BACK AND PUT ME WHERE YOU STOOD

band $200 camp because spend friday its

do not spend $200 you don't have just because its band camp friday do not spend $200 you don't have just because its band camp friday do not spend $200 you don't have just because its band camp friday do not spend $200 you don't have just because its band camp friday do not spend $200 you don't hav

guy who watches a movie and then doesn't spend seven hours online reading what other people thought about it so he can pretend an opinion of his own

just had a blueberry flavored coffee, like, they say the beans are blueberry flavored, like, the beans, the coffee beans, made of coffee, they say, these people, these people who roast the coffee, these people they say, they say hey this is blueberry flavored, and they put it on the label and they s

wake up first thing you say is dammit

getting ready for the day with my daily habit of capturing a small animal with my bare hands and staring at it until we can understand each other on a psychic level and then we both get hit by a car because we were standing in the middle of the road but i survive the collision and kill the guy drivi

putting baby food in my coffee, it's called Toddler Brew™ and it's the best way for a young, hip, professional, sexy, important, dangerous, business man like me to start gagging immediately and then slip on the floor and dislocate my shoulder

going to the dmv just to hang out just to vibe and to drink free coffee and to chit chat with the regular folk the normies the salt of the earth the people waiting in line the coffee was bad it's coming out from both ends send help i'm at the dmv oh no

eating pop tarts with a slice of cheese on them as god intended (god is evil)

id rather be carried by 6 than judged by 12 because the 6 are my good friends and close relatives and they're carrying me because i just hit the game winning home run in the world series and the 12 are just like 12 weirdos who are trying to jack it onto my leg

disarming you with my charming disarming charming charmament charm charm

sponge bob, but for sex

okay chat gpt what can i make for dinner with half a bottle of mustard leftover garlic broccoli two non alcoholic ipas a bottle of kombucha three packets of liquid iv fourteen bottles of salt caps six boxes of clif bar peanut butter banana one vegan stroop waffel and one arizona arnold palmer lite

shopping at the grocery store for pants is an all time midlife crisis dude move and i fully support and endorse and subscribe and patreon

lit bros be like bro i cant die i didnt even read the tunnel yet whoops i guess this staph infection has taken hold

brb my kid is shitting

going for a walk during lunch at work finding a little trail tucked away in a suburb going down the path and it keeps going further downhill hundreds thousands of feet down down down into the depths of hell itself the fires licking my forehead i see a door ahead of me i open it im back at the office

selling a phone replacement course where for $499 you get mailed a brick with a pamphlet that just says "lol fuck you"

"Oh wow, I love your apartment, who's your interior designer?" "i get all my furniture from the garbage during any-pick-up week" "The Garbage? Is that a new place, I've never heard of it."