In other news, I’ve been watching MurderBot, and I love murderbot. #murderbot

Long, sad, sigh #nufc

Glenn Hoddle’s favourite album is Top Gear Driving Tunes vol. IV #ucl #thefootball

Glenn Hoddle’s favourite album is Top Gear Driving Tunes vol. IV #ucl #thefootball

My 88 year old mother who accidentally has TNT on her cable package has texted me “why is the Marseille goalkeeper pretending to have a head injury?” 🖤🤍

Unsere Woltemessi eingehende #nufc

“Get a better haircut” #nufc

Glad I went to Riley’s for my tea. Makes all this a bit easier #nufc

Hello darkness my old friend #nufc

Mother fucker #nufc

That, I’ll admit, is a suboptimal start #nufc

Glenn Hoddle sings 4’33” at Karaoke #thefootball

“Manchester City are losing at Leverkusen” I mean any cunt can beat them, can’t we? #ucl #nufc

Good evening to Les Ferdinand in the studio.

I’m not saying it’s not possible that Dan Burn’s massive Blyth elbow could have shattered the skull of the Marseille goalkeeper, despite not hitting him anywhere, but it’s unlikely. #nufc

I’d have given the pelanty there. Refereeing is hard.

How open is this game?! It's on the Great North Rd just south of Seaton Burn.

Glenn Hoddle’s favourite flavour of Ice Cream is marrowfat pea. #ucl #thefootball

97 is a stupid number for football. It’s barely a sensible number for Ice Hockey. #nufc

Stop Nico. #nufc

The last time Newcastle played at the Velodrome I was in a bar in Eurodisney watching Drogba take us apart #nufc

GET IN HARVEY LAD #nufc

It’s Roberto de Zerbi

Let’s kick the fuck out of “not reaching the burden of proof” #nufc

BELGIUM MAGS: I will be in Brussels next week for work purposes and have a night to myself on Tuesday for the spurs game. Is there a specific NUFC-friendly bar I could rock up to? Or a quieter gaff that just loves its Barclays?

Football has suspended sentences now. This can only be a good thing for, picking an example at random, a massive shithouse with the face of an angel

YOU MAGS 🤩

NOEL GALLAGHER, NOEL GALLAGHER, NOEL GALLAGHER, OUR LASS’S UNCLE PETE, NOEL GALLAGHER ARE YOU WATCHING NOEL GALLAGHER? #nufc

Five more minutes?

5-4-1? Tino on the left? @editkev.football

You can’t equalise while I’m still upstairs having my celebratory piss, lads. It’s in the FA byelaws #nufc

GET THE FUCK IN #nufc

Oh it’s a bot. Boy is my face red

Paul Dummett looks like Chris O’Dowd #nufc

Harvey thank fuck you’re offside mate. #nufc

Dias is taking Donarumma’s goal kicks? That’s the ultimate humiliation for a goalkeeper, that is.

I plied Justin with pints until he agreed to let me talk about Lily Allen's West End Girl. And yeah it's an intellectual conversation and stuff but also let's be so real - the girlies just need a moment to talk about how our good friend and a national treasure deserves better. (I'm the girlies).

Chris Sutton on commentary.

It’s just going to be a series of noises watching #nufc tonight, isn’t it?

The little handshake and daft keepy uppies between Livramento and Hall though #nufc 🖤🤍🖤🤍

HERE WE FUCKEN GO #NUFC

Oh good. An in-form Manchester City. Must we? #Thefootball

Oh good. An in-form Manchester City. Must we? #Thefootball

There we go. Perfect. Three days of golf for the lads, Barmy Army have wasted their money, trumpet nonce loses three days pay. Everyone’s a winner. #theashes

Ah well

If Australia committed a bit more to the bazball principles then this could be finished today

@footballcliches.bsky.social I’m so relieved you’ve got Tickner in for Cricket Cliches - I’d have taken the bails off otherwise.

Fuck off, trumpet cunt #thecricket