🚨 STOP. ODAI IS RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Odai suffers nonstop pain no child should endure. Doctors say his surgery is urgent, and every lost hour could take away his chance to walk again. We are still far from the goal. Even $5 or a share could help save his future. tinyurl.com/odai-care 🙏

just went ahead and unlocked it for you

@fnafilms.com Gormeh sabzi at the coast, Z. www.instagram.com/saffronwhitl...

Soft touch enemies of comedy Liverpool bottling the funniest outcome again

FUCK THE SKYS SPORT #NUFC

A BIG WIN ON THE ROAD! 🙌

Rumour has it someone had been drinking when they typed this.

SUGGS! DAMON ALLBRAN! DAVID MELLOR! TIM LOVEJOY! SIR DAVID ATRENBOROUGH! ENGLAND’S BRAVE JOHM TERRNY But crucially not John Major as he’s an Arsenal fan. YOUR BOYS TOOK ONE HELL OF A BEATING

Get the fuck in.

the clock has stopped on the sky coverage as we’re playing until Chelsea equalise #nufc

8 minutes added on? #nufc

Fuck me running #nufc

Liam has sent in an A4 sheet of instructions because he’s a fucken dork. #CHENEW

And again! What is this?

Rugbyists: if France absolutely fuck England over can Wales finish not last? If so, by how much?

What’s the hooky football shirt site? Just so I can never ever use them.

A decision? In our favour? In this economy? #nufc

The Welsh her over there had interrupted the football for a burst of Land Of My Fathers and I don’t blame her.

What a fucking save from Ramma there #nufc

Football solidarity suggestion: during the iftar drinks break everyone sings “if you’re happy and you’re Muslim clap your hands” #woke2 #thefootball

Well in, Murph. Captain my Captain.

Amazed Gordon wasn’t sent off for falling over two strides after the contact.

Missed it. MAGICDARTS’ MAGIC BLADDER STRIKES AGAIN! #nufc

Liam Rosenior is such a dork. If he wasn’t Chelsea manager I’d love him.

Gardener’s world is back

If you were watching the same episode of #totp that I was for some reason too complicated to go into, it would be Lenworth and Tiny Tony and the Terrorvisions: two great tastes that taste great together. But you’re not. So ignore me. Some People Say is a top song though.

Ah. A pint in the sunshine in some lovely Victoriana? Don’t mind if I do.

Compromise: keep Churchill on the fiver, but replace Prince Charles with an otter

That, mister Anderson, is the sound of inevitability

GET IN

Trippier’s popped his groin? The worst possible injury for him, on and off the pitch.

AND HERE COMES THE ADVERTS

The NUFC athletic today has gone a bit mental. I’m sure glad the people who always over-react haven’t fully lost it.

Something I worked on back in the day. A repeat on #BBCFour this Wednesday, 8PM. Another chance to see #Timeshift’s Dial 'B' for Britain: The Story of the Landline: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b...

Been to the tip in the dark. This is what those illegal ravers breaking into airfields in 1990 must have felt like.

Boyzone are an Irish boy band created in 1993 by the talent manager Louis Walsh.

If it’s Eddie Howe and your nana on bongos it’s Newcastle vs Man City

This pub is full of yelling Rugbyists. Gentrification.

FIRST OUTDOOR PINT OF THE YEAR LXDSES

You know that famous picture from Evita? Where it’s clear Madonna and Banderas want everyone to piss off so they can go and hop on the good foot and do the bad thing?

FEEELINGS! #totp www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwKl...

I never done a #totp and you can’t prove it #darts

The martial arts scenes in It’s A Wonderful Life were a key influence on The Matrix

Jerk prawn tacos, margarita top, Des’ree. One a week. Sorted. #totp

I’m reporting a joke that our lass, a Hull City fan, has said I’m not allowed to laugh at. A Millwall fan rang in to Radio 2 drive time and asked for “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” as they drove up for the crucial match between the two playoff contenders. Why? Because they wanted A Win Away.

CRISPS! #crisps

Fucken’ Biden

Labour: “Do you remember being sad when John Smith died? Well fuck you”

Speaking as a lower middle class graduate with an office job and a mortgage, born in the late seventies, I would say: this is half my social circle and most of the people I worked with for years. How in the name of Christ did nobody in politics or media see this coming?

PHEW!