Yes, of course, if they don’t have a Covid test please grab me a pregnancy test!

Very funny to be afraid of bio engineered meat and not factory farmed meat.

The problem with ICE is not that it's targeting people who aren't criminals. The problem with ICE is that it's an unaccountable secret deportation police. It cannot be reformed under a better president. It can be made less terrible, but the instrument of repression remains for the next tyrant.

“I had to take the baby from my crying wife’s arms.“ It hasn’t even been a year, and this is not a scandal anymore? What is wrong with us?

Make Restaurants Have Phone Numbers Again.

Lost 2 YouTube subscribers for being 39.

It’s my birthday, so if you have a crush on me you are legally required to tell me.

I don’t worry about joining a cult. Not because I think I’m too smart to fall into one, but because I’m annoying enough that I would get kicked out pretty quickly.

“Accomodationism” you mean appeasement?

it is almost as if accommodating and conceding to far right ideas legitimizes them and signals to voters that the far right is a legitimate choice for governance

Microdosing executive functioning by waiting for an uncrustsble to thaw.

Is this anything?

2015 was wild man. You’d tell a friend to get rid of a picture from their tinder profile because it looked like they were dating the woman in it and they’d be like “no Aziz Ansari told me to include it.”

I do think those lie detector interviews are copaganda.

“They have me blocked but we’ve never interacted???” You know your posts are public right?

Social media addiction so bad I’m actively trying to watch more TV.

I didn’t get that much done today but I did drink 80 ounces of water so that is enough.

Did people really think All About That Base was some rich body positive text?

'Matt Gaetz Raped A Homeless Teenager' is what you mean. A teenager with a homeless parent? What? The fuck? Did she have a home and not allow her parent to live in it? Ended up having sex with? What? Yeah clearly you guys been caping for pedos long enough and you understand the assignment here

Reminder that Dick Durbin and Chuck Schumer lived together for over 20 years.

We should have known Gerry Turner was bad news based on how he spelled his name.

Make Stores Sell Tights Again!

If you are a journalist who covered Elon Musk in the 2010s you either knew he viewed all his female employees as brooding mares and chose not to report it or you’re really bad at your job.

We don’t talk enough about how Kim Davis got pregnant with her third husband’s babies while married to her first.

We talk a lot about the ideological divide among the people to the left of Trump, but I think the more salient divide is between the people who want to fight and the people who have already given up.

If you’re that much of a quitter, why not just resign?

oh so these people do pay attention to who politicians follow on social media, they just don’t care that the vice president follows a bunch of actual neo-nazis

Some younger people seem to be under the impression body positivity invented fat people.

Some people are so weird about the word “hate.” They’ll be like “you can intensely and passionately dislike someone but you should never hate someone.” Ok, so that’s the definition of hate.

@schumer.senate.gov resign bitch.

Wow do I wish anyone but Chuck Schumer and Hakeem Jeffries were running the Democratic Party. The Republicans are taking away food and travel at Thanksgiving, the ads write themselves.

There must be people out there who are attracted to loose skin and the ones who are alive right now really hit the jackpot.

What are you looking for? Someone who won’t ask me that question.

I’ve only ever voted in New York State and once when I was living in The Netherlands I posted about how in America you can choose to vote for the same candidate for multiple parties and people from other states were like “what the fuck are you talking about?”

Post your crash outs, you cowards!

Cuomo? More like concedo.

*Ann Margaret voice* bye bye barstoool.

Stop the count!!!!

RIP Dick Cheney, an ADHD king. Dude loved starting lots of different wars, but got too distracted to finish any of them. He’s just like me, fr fr.

I have mad game.

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

Do people actually like when they make customer service representatives pretend to feel your pain?

“Extroverts never get told to stop being extroverts” have you been in a classroom?

I hate lazy Halloween what do you mean you’re just wearing a witch’s hat.

A guy who was mad at me for crossing the street when I had the right of way started screaming at me about how my husband’s dick was small. Somebody thinks I’m marriageable.

NEW: A Department of Veterans Affairs memo obtained by ProPublica sets up new roadblocks to care for male veterans with breast cancer. The agency cites no new science but relies on an executive order about “restoring biological truth” in government.

Why do they always make the logo uglier.

Even if I cared what SNAP beneficiaries were buying, I wouldn’t think the solution would be abruptly stopping SNAP payments.

Am I, as a stone, supposed to want to gather moss?

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