I’m a patron! This is a fantastic charity. I just adopted Li’l Olive from them. As well as food programmes, rescue, veterinary care & education, they run incredible & vital neutering programmes for stray cats & dogs. I can’t wait to visit & see first hand the work the phenomenal teams do!

Jesus Christ The Last Of Us, break me into a thousand tiny pieces why don’t you

SHE’S TANGLED IN ZAC EFRON’S WICKED WEB!!!! #TheStudio ♥️♥️♥️

RON HOWARD CALLED ME A MOTHERFUCKER! TO MY FACE, MAN!! Oh, The Studio. I fucking LOVE YOU!

The Studio on Apple is a work of genius. It’s pure deranged delight. If you’re not on it, get on it.

Adolescence on Netflix is fucking astonishing, urgent, vital and it hurts your heart. Incredible cast, direction and writing. You must watch it. You just must.

A reminder that it's not a "shouting match" when only one side is doing any shouting.

Fortress Europe. End of.

“Mr President, you’ve lost the Telegraph editorial page”

“Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon appetit”

Well.

Jesus Christ. This is infuriating. They’ve got this prick Musk in his stupid hat and his Occupy Mars shirt running around, and they attack Zelenskyy on this. He doesn’t wear regular pants because his fucking balls won’t fit inside them, you dopes.

They’ll set fire to the entire fucking world to enhance shareholder value.

Putin says Trump must go further before he’ll even agree to meet. Putin is entirely in the driving seat. The US has alienated its own allies, given Russia nearly all of what it wanted, bought Putin’s warped view of reality, and can’t even guarantee a meeting. The art of the deal, indeed.

NOT NOW, MELVILLE. READ THE ROOM.

Bloody hell but #AmIBeingUnreasonable is outstanding. Hilarious and entirely brutal. All episodes of S2 up on BBX iPlayer. Brilliantly written and brilliant cast.

These fuckers, mates. These egregious fuckers. *gestures furiously at the fuckers*

Merci, Gisele. Merci.

My writing process is usually: a) I got this b) well, fuck c) wait that part was real good d) wait no that part sucks e) I am a god of this place f) the fuck is this shit, who do I think I am, why am I here g) oh man I just figured it all out h) mistakes were made I) existential dread

So today Musk has got rid of timestamps on tweets because someone made a visual study of his tweets, which make him look like a coke addled obsessive, and also unfollowed a popular internet woman who he’d been tweeting for months because she revealed she had a boyfriend. Good luck, America.

Gregg’s PR team having an absolute shocker of a day.

We didn’t win best mini series but Tim only went and won for Best Actor. So so very happy and overwhelmed with pride. #thesixthcommandment #iemmys

I’ve packed. It only took 9 hours with some breaks for dissociation and swearing.

The wall-eyed panic, the raging headache, the CHAOS when I have to something as simple as pack for a short trip is fucking pitiful. I got teary about tights. TIGHTS. Dismal.

Blistering, raw and wise from Robbie Williams on his insta. Seek it out.

“Even I don’t wanna see me dance.” Developing a happy lil crush on Pete Wicks over here. #Strictly

this thread is, er, the GOAT thread. The best thread.

Hello, you gleaming beauties.

Hello and welcome to Wednesday

Five years of no cigarettes. FIVE YEARS!!!!!!

I’m watching this show Fisk on Netflix. Are you watching this show Fisk on Netflix? You should bc it’s great and hilarious.

This is completely brilliant and you should get involved. Literature, film, excess, drugs, alcohol, beauty, and despair. It’s amazing.

Fucking hell, pals but porridge absolutely slaps. What a breakfast. I could throw a cow over a house.

I went to bc sleep and missed the bells and then I woke up and it’s 2024! HAPPY NEW YEAR, YOU PRANCING BEAUTIES! X

Geert fuckin Wilders? Fucking hell.

Dear Blue Sky-ers. Thank you for letting me share the last couple of days and nights. Xx

And she’s gone. Go well across the shining river, our most beloved mum. Go well.

My dad’s painting of mum, me, my brothers. The youngest not yet born. None of us were good at sitting still. Look at my mums red hair. She has green eyes too.

Compline with familiars. Some of those are mine and my brothers when we were little. Kept for grandkids. The little rag doll with the shock of yellow hair is Polly. Mum made her for my first birthday.

Vigil.

I’ve barely posted on here but we’re going through a bad time, me & my family. My mum is so ill & I want to find a way to mark what’s happening & this place feels more private. So. Scenes as my brother & me waited to discharge my mum into palliative care at home. The sunshine. The red of my cardi.

Look, I don’t want to start off my life in this app being a braggy twat but come on! I am fucking euphoric like it’s the damn 90s!

Hello.

Genuinely, what in giddy fuck is he talking about

Ol’ Heffs there, bent up like a pretzel bc paragraphs are woke now but not at private schools where everything is really for the poor despite all evidence to the contrary it’s all to benefit the poor

I've had a nice bath. I have a big cold glass of wine. and yet, dear pals, I remain outrageously humid in all the exotic pockets* of my being. *armpits. thighs., that's sort of thing. and knees! how can I have sweaty knees? am I .... RARE??????

had a depraved tea: truffle marmite pasta with really strong cheddar, the sort that makes your eyes sweat, crumbled over the top and a leaf of basil for refinement. feel mighty, hopped up on salt n carbs. gonna throw a cow over a church. for fun. #elegance

https://youtu.be/w83lXy-Sktw anyway, this is the trailer for The Sixth Commandment, starring Tim Spall, Anne Reid, Eanna Hardwicke, Annabel Scholey & a host of other brilliant actors, directed by Saul Dibb, written by me. BBC One 17th July and on iPlayer. Watch it, you glossy beauties.