Vegas like

conclusively negate. totality of the circumstances. furtive movements. these are all phrases you can say to release the horrible beast that resides within me, like a decepticon

if I went to a restaurant and they said "our specialty dish is a Procaccini" I'd order it

I think everyone should practice saying "I'm not discussing my day with you, officer" 10 times every night before bed. maybe follow it up with 5 "am I free to go?"s when you wake up in the morning. but that's just me.

auston matthews you can score goals

if someone is on their phone and you want them to get off their phone you can just lean over, point, and say "sports betting?" people hate that shit it's hilarious

I'll never be a true soccer fan because what do you mean the game ends at some mystery amount of minutes that we aren't allowed to know about until it's happening to us. we're counting up to a secret number. we have to solve a riddle to figure out when I'm free later. do you hear yourself.

going to a sporting event today, you know what that means. it's time for One! Big! Beer!

started a bit where one of our friends was crowned the breaking news queen. none of us can share our own personal news in the chat, we have to send it directly to the news breaker, and then she shares it with the chat. every time I get a text from her I go ape shit. I cannot recommend this enough.

is there like... a reason cowan isn't playing? am I missing something? I'm like pretty sure I'm not stupid, but him not playing is making me feel stupid. personally, I don't care for it.

if you ask me what my job is and I only say "paralegal" you have no idea how over it is for you. you have been judged and your fate is sealed. and everyone in my profession knows it too. we communicate with mycelium like fungi.

it always scares the shit out of me when someone says go leafs to me in public. do not perceive me or what I'm wearing.

it's always okay to visit a city and call it the wrong nickname. it's never not funny.

yes, the wheels of justice are slow. agonizingly, excruciatingly slow. and oftentimes they miss or go off the tracks entirely. in fact most of the time. but occasionally, very infrequently, that big wheel of justice delivers theoretical remuneration for a handful of vested business interests

taking the light rail to the train, you have no idea what I'm capable of

they are playing a jazzy sinatra style cover of eye of the tiger at this hotel restaurant at 9:37am on a Friday

the classic breakfast at a hotel restaurant tastes so good when you don’t have a bitch in your ear telling you it’s nasty

I very smartly bought myself a frozen pizza to eat for easy peasy dinner when I return home from vacation on monday night. anyway the pizza is in the oven now (thursday).

MEGAN KELLER WITH A DIRTY DRAG MOVE AND A GOLD MEDAL WINNING GOAL 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸

honestly my initial approach to quinn hughes hockey was more as a bit but after watching him play a couple games live and in person I think he might actually be kinda good at this. hard to say. probably should observe more.

sweden has such a great blue for its flag 🇸🇪 why does nike insist on making them look like ikea michigan

he's helping me complete work tasks

is your home so messy but you can't get yourself to clean it? have you tried Inviting Your Friends Over Anyway? they're your friends who love you, they don't care what your place is like. also you will clean everything because of The Way Your Mom Was. Inviting Your Friends Over Anyway, try it today.

The default assumption should be that they’re lying

called our food scientist friend to ask her what sounds are okay for a mango to make. if you shake it and hear it rattle a little is that fine. she said hang on I can't hear it over the phone. then she said wait no, mangos are supposed to be silent. tuff break.

we broke 40° today so you know I've got my window open as a treat

if auston matthews has a million fans, then I am one of them. if matthews has ten fans, then I am one of them. if matthews has only one fan then that is me. if matthews has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. if the world is against auston matthews, then I am against the world.

I can't tell you the last time I finished a season of LiB, but you can bet I've got that shit on tonight. anyone who wants to be on that show is evil and they're being harvested from the most evil place on earth, ohio. I'm praying for your downfall.

team usa score something other than 5 goals challenge (impossible)

a quick pan fried lil thin boneless pork chop is deeply underrated. throw together a pan sauce at the end if you're freaky. and if you tell me I'm wrong I'll just assume you're not that good of a cook. which is fine. but you don't have to tell people that.

this picture looks like it smells like wet snowpants

honestly if you asked me to pick the guy to go into a do or die type event and win, I would probably also pick a 21 year old dude who wears his own I'm a god merch. that seems free.

stomping around my apartment chanting quad god quad god quad god (I did not know this person even existed 24 hours ago)

they're calling this speed skating ice worker ice instead of gliding ice. just sounds like bad ice to me. Italian ice.

when I say the gophers are bad, I don't mean that they don't have talent. I just mean that they don't really seem to be playing hockey with each other. they seem pretty lost and disconnected. and not that I know anything, but that does seem like it could be a coaching problem. but what do I know.

"what makes them so good?" "well, their lack of weaknesses" man I love sports, what are you talking about, what are you saying, that's not an answer, and also I believe you completely. they are so good because of their lack of weaknesses.

I love speaking with unearned authority on a topic, so the olympics are always a really good time for me

I think the problem is the gophers don't have enough hate in their hearts. you have to hate ohio state in your bones. you have to embrace it.

“military-grade intelligence tactics” “Pattern-of-life” intelligence Bro, you are eating microwaveable Campbell’s Soup for every meal and crashing out in front of the Home2Suites while you’re geared up like you’re in Fallujah

the HCSO has a group called the “violent offender task force” that keeps getting confused for ICE specifically because they are also a secret police force that randomly grabs people on the street. i hope whenever we get through it with ICE we can keep half this energy towards observing them too.

didn't know anything about caucusing. went to my caucus. stayed for the whole thing. still don't know anything about it. but I raised my hand a lot to do stuff because at the end of the day I trust me.

it's so important to get crafty with it, I'm always saying this

it's february 3rd and I am no longer interested in wearing socks and shoes anymore. I would like to be dogs out in public again. my tevas whisper to me from the closet, they demanded freedom.

going to caucus for the first time tonight, but I need to get home and change because the worst thing that could happen is these people find out I'm a leafs fan. gotta build up some trust before that reveal. you understand.

among the many things I enjoyed about Eddington (2025) was the imo correctly calibrated "both sides" framing of "the left is annoying; the right will actually murder you."