only "chatbot" this guy looks like he knows is SmarterChild or whatever was moderating the forums for Criss Angel Mindfreak

This is what he meant by “Maybe It’s Live”

he got his, in the end

I talked to Mitch McConnell today. He asked “bbz wil u luv me 4evr” I said “NO,” he cryed N ran across da rode b4 da green man came on the sine. I was cryin and went to pic up his body. he was ded. whsipered 2 his corpse "I ment I will luv u FIVE- ever......” like dis if u cri evry tiem

This is the journalistic equivalent of that image that looks like what you see if you’re having a stroke

Part of me wishes it went through to the chorus, part of me is deeply satisfied with that ending. A combination of my favorite single of the ‘00s and the last movie I saw with @zachschonfeld.bsky.social

I’m going to hold out hope that the oyster man defense is increasingly an aberration against being wrong and imperfect. I’m wrong a lot and certainly imperfect! “A bit much,” they say! I certainly hope I don’t espouse opinions that exude anything other than pleasant and safe to be around people

Ken Pissenstein

I, too, have spoken with Mitch McConnell, and what’s more, I have a transcript of our call. MD: yo MM: glllgggglg MD: how you doing MM: rrrgggehhhhh MD: you see they’re reissuing the first Ben Folds Five album? MM: bbbggggggthhh rrrrrpppk MD: cool. well I’m still kinda sick, gonna nap. Bye MM: rrmp

Given the arc of John Travolta’s recent appearances, he could easily show up to this dressed as a Ramone

I hate to break it to my fellow 38-year-olds (I'm breaking ranks with you in two days) but the person you're @-ing can't answer that for you. That's on you, player

"but how can I make this about meeeeeeeeee"

oh lord my 103-degree fever made me forget this was announcing today too. It was a real joy to edit this package for Decca B'way, fans of this show are in for a real treat

anyway, I'm done thinking about this loser and thinking about the nerd gift press release in my inbox right now

Y I K E S

the emergency is actually that his mouth got stuck opening this wide

Me, emerging from this weekend with sun poisoning

Addendum to whatever this is: the band has put both sides of their independent debut single (only one of which was ever released on CD) on streaming

Have said so before, but was copywriting for a pop-up store in Manhattan selling Beatles merch for Christmas and was told that calling the sales “fab” wouldn’t make any sense in the context of…The Beatles

gonna be a hell of a Disney+ special when it drops, then

(DMing girl) Life is so randommm it's like.. Whyyyyyy Lol. (logging into Albert Einstein role playing account) (DMing same girl) Life makes perfect since

The thing I will always remember more than anything about Eternals—more than swole Kumail or the disembodied voice we’re told is Blade—is that a villain-coded character’s arc ends largely the same way as The Lonely Island’s “Like a Boss”

This will make most sense to this crowd: Andrew Garfield looks like he got really popular in the MTV blockbuster era and is now releasing one of the last albums on his contract. It’s “darker” and “more serious” and way too fucking long thanks to CD bloat

Not until double digits could I get through this scene without an implacable amount of dread

My Fourth of July meal was so good it made me ANGRY

Most of today’s vacation listening (four couples, five kids between 6 mos-4 yrs) has been the bulk of a personally curated Motown playlist, as good an argument for our finest American musical export of the last century. Everyone loves it

Incredible tidbit hidden in the middle of the bio of the guy playing George Washington in Young Washington

Adam Sandler officiated? What was it, like “Deah-lee beloved, we ah gabadoobalah zazeebapadah” and so on

Why did they make their marriage announcement look like a partnership with AT&T

There’s a reply I can’t tell if it’s a joke that’s like “but they donated 1% of their worth to charity,” as if all is forgiven in that case

Taylor Swift is getting married at the Times Square Red Lobster…and you’re invited

Almost afraid to speak this out loud, but Sony is the only company with a software component AND film/TV/music ventures (Universal/Warner’s studios/labels are wholly separate). My fear is the rest of the company ripples out toward no physical anything, which would be stupid but unsurprising

I’ll tell you what: I agree

FOOD REP: Mr. Draper, it’s an honor to work with you. I can’t wait to see your pitch for our client. DON DRAPER: Gentlemen… (wildly air conducting, to the tune of “Frère Jacques”) 🎶 Sab-ra Humm-us, Sab-ra Humm-us / it’s so good, it’s so good 🎶 (stunned silence) ROGER: he wasn’t always like this

Had John’s plane not gone down, it’s easy to imagine he could’ve made some really interesting alt-folk collabs and reached a whole new audience. And all those things he believed in would’ve had a strong voice, speaking still

Seeing that disgraced blonde journalist lady with the book nobody bought discussed on this app again

we've seen the barren crowds at the state fair thing in DC, but how will this administration find a way to make the actual Fourth and any fireworks display more embarrassing than the infamous Big Bay Boom of 2012

(not knowing anything about soccer, the World Cup or much of anything voice) da three lions

Why, I bet that'll attract as many as 20 people

I've long feared that we're not going to truly appreciate Danny Glover until he's no longer with us. Not just a solid screen presence, but an extremely decent human with a long list of meaningful causes and actions to his name

Arbitrary appreciation for Roland Orzabal of Tears for Fears, who’s got a pleasing last name and aged like a cool wizard

You can do what you want, but I personally don’t wish to see anyone named “Matt Walsh Blog” on Twitter unless they’re being kicked off a cliff by a stallion

Maynard Ferguson going back for a bite of the Rocky apple is going to drive me specifically insane for reasons I can't publicly articulate just yet

IN THIS HOUSE WE BELIEVE J.D. Vance is a Boss Baby He magically became an adult From clappin' couches' cheeks Ron Howard will pay for normalizing him The president should die in prison Trans people are cool Republicans are fools We watched the Knicks win AND TWIIIIIIIIIIINS

BULLY? The court has three Trump appointees and three appointees by *a* Bush and the reaffirmation passed by ONE vote. Chuck Schumer, his staff and whoever devised and typed this bon mot, you are dumber than plastic and I would knock your lunch off the table TODAY

When I think of the vast canon of stoner-friendly and adjacent music, the “Africa” guys are not even my 30th call

why wait? they have shoes. squish squish bitch

Court can't go on like this. The Constitution as plainly as possible says people who were born here have an unequivocal right to citizenship. Four people whose ONLY job is to read the Constitution for the rest of their lives just tried to overturn it because they're tired of brown people. Pack it.

Posting on here where most people share your beliefs is whatever, but let every transphobe and homophobe out there know they're miserable and their souls are ugly and will never know the joy of caring about people who aren't themselves