We just gotta ban tackle football man

Did he ever figure out why he dropped that bowl of fruit

Welp, nothing quite ruins your day like finding out the reason one of your customers abruptly stopped checking her mail for months is because they were brutally murdered by their estranged husband.

Hegseth recalling every general on the planet and convening them because he cant remember which one he lent his fooseball table to

Oh hell yeah. Already making plans for that $11.82 check I'm gonna get in 2031.

Not buying the motive of the ICE facility shooter, but if you buy the right wing narrative on it, I just gotta ask: what, *exactly*, do you think the second amendment is for? Because all I've ever been told by the right is that it exists to protect us from a tyrannical government.

Tbh I actually agree that a single flight of stairs for Trump might very well have proven fatal.

The funniest possible outcome for Luigi Mangione is the charges against him get dismissed with prejudice because Donald's aides couldn't wrestle the phone away from him long enough to stop prejudicing the jury pool.

During the Trump trial last year, there was one juror who stated he received his news from X and Truth Social, and he found Trump guilty 34 times. I'm reminded of one legal analyst who noted that, once all the bluster and showmanship are wiped away, Trump's bullshit just doesn't sell to jurors

Is "conservatives do not attack law enforcement" the most ahistorical sentence uttered in human history?

When we said "black lives matter," we went "also." When they countered with "blue lives matter," they meant "only."

How do you spend like 80% of your gazillion dollar annual police budget on harassing leftists protesters and not have a single cop who knows how they actually talk

Going this hard after the guy who got you over the hump in 2016 is hilarious tbh

Blacks Rule

The entire political right who spent the last two weeks scolding the left about the sanctity of human life is going to talk right over the actual victims of the shooting today in order to make it about how it was an attack on them, actually.

Conservatives finally found a statue they thought should be torn down

My favorite part of when he goes after the media and tries to shake them down for money, is he tends to say (though not here) "we're gonna win a lot of money" as though his dumbass followers are gonna get a piece of the check.

So we're definitely supposed to be reading into the fact that no obvious republican has made so much as a peep yet about angling for 2028, right?

I love the way people line up for Chotiner interviews the same exact way the disposable guards lined up in The Last Crusade to navigate the Holy Grail challenges.

You think this is the part of the day where the world leaders just tell their translators they can take a ten?

So is it only Tylenol, or do you guys think my family only being able to afford generic acetaminophen is the reason I've spent 4 decades not shutting up about the Titanic and aviation disaster

Dumb people trying to sound profound is my favorite tweet genre

Really is a shame Trump couldn't have come out as staunchly pro-tylenol, because we probably could have wiped out half the MAGA movement from liver failure inside 72 hours.

Every time I hear about Sinclair broadcasting I just think of this guy yelling "Sinclair!" and I think that's perfect, since he's probably the best fictional analog for Trump we've ever had.

RFK Jr. Out Indefinitely (Mononucleosis)

I'm a single issue voter now, and any democrat who wants my vote needs to promise 24 new SCOTUS seats all to be filled by gender studies undergrads from University of California, Santa Cruz.

These sonsofbitches are really gonna make me watch a single episode of Kimmel arent they

1) of course "Jews killed Jesus" is always being done as an antisemitic slur, But also: 2) Why the fuck do you care so much, man? You idiots don't even have a religion if the guy doesn't die. If you really believe that, write em a thank you for accelerating your salvation.

Lmao Trump hits a drug boat with an air strike that incinerates the boat and everyone on it, and then he has the DR show off this miraculously intact cargo from the wreckage? Why are their efforts so lazy?

Noticeably missing from Tucker's anecdote about Jesus "telling the truth": a single word Jesus ever actually said

He 100% said it was a condition of his appearance that he be given a big entrance.

you guys

So anyone who ever yelled "get it through your thick skull" at Charlie has been proven correct

Man it is such a shame this guy's career was wasted on this team, because he really just has spent his whole career quietly being one of The Best Dudes™ in the game.

May we all live long enough to see college kids tear down these dumb statues, and there's no tiki torch carrying mob that cares enough to stop them.

Less concerned with the 24% that think we're heading in the right direction than I am with how much of that 75% thinks we're not going hard enough to the right.

The most obnoxious thing about every Yglesias post is the smug pretense that, because you're just kinda sitting in the middle of everything, you carry no ideological bias in "the game." Your centrism is *extremely* ideological, Matthew. The very idea that you *found* the center is ideological!

Tom Homan is the name an alien gives itself when it's trying to blend in with the humans but doesn't really undesstand naming conventions yet

"Whether you're The President of the United States of America, or a terminally only 22 year old Mormon furry, we all have an equal responsibility to preserve and protect the first amendment, and these should be considered equitable problems" Thank you for your wisdom, President Dipshit.

It's legit insane if you talk to any of these people about what, exactly, their sacrifice was. No doubt it was tough not seeing friends, missing out on life events or not being able to visit family in nursing homes, but they talk about it like the national guard had them at gunpoint in their home

Trying to think of what right wing media would have done if they ever found out Obama's favorite drink was something called a "Mint Majesty Tea," and all I'm picturing is a banshee screeching out the loudest gay slur you've ever heard.

6'1" is the official self proclaimed height of the biggest liars, and 5'11" is the most honest you can be about listing your height. Do not ask for further clarification.

America's really gonna pull a Betty White on the whole 250th anniversary thing huh

I just can't stand the stupidity of it all, man. These guys have screamed at us about DEI hires for the last five years while trotting out this fuggin' woman *who works in the white house* while demonstrating less brain activity than present day Charlie Kirk.