A year is actually 525,960 minutes, so yes I’m both gay AND pedantic, which isn’t actually that rare a combination if we’re being honest

It’s almost time! Tomorrow I’m going to be giving a talk that’s a deep dive into SwiftUI performance, streaming live from Cupertino. You can watch live here: developer.apple.com/events/view/...

my home vs my home 2 hours before a guest comes over

Madonna: ✅ Best-selling female recording artist of all time ✅ Most successful solo artist in the history of the US Billboard Hot 100 chart ✅ Discovered America

My reaction when the hotel people try to explain to me what the “resort fees” are paying for

Some exciting news: On October 30, I'm going to be talking about SwiftUI performance at a developer event that you can stream live! Register to see my talk and some other great talks about foundation models and battery life optimization: developer.apple.com/events/view/...

The Comeback with Lisa Kudrow—and I’m thrilled a season three has been announced for next year ✨

I'm back in SF and actively searching the streets for Wily. If you see her, DO NOT approach her, just call me: 4152185520.

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared a Pretzel pic, so here she is

Some big news for me: After 5 years working on Apple Music and other apps like Podcasts and Games, I’ve accepted a position on the SwiftUI team! I’m excited to expand my focus on SwiftUI to the framework side as a full time contributor. ☺️

Pretzel’s discovered a new game!

Nothing reminds you pride month is over like having a car full of assholes scream “faggot” at you while you’re walking your dog and then having them come around again to do it a second time

Pretzel finally barked for the first time today, in protest of the constant surveillance I’m subjecting her to

The news is awful so cuddle with Pretzel instead

Hey I did a thing! Watch me tell you all about how to make your apps fast using the next gen SwiftUI instrument! developer.apple.com/videos/play/...

Tired: Wicked For Good Wired: Wicked 5EVA

Pretzel discovered a new friend last night!

I stand by my personal belief that if the Evita movie had come out in the present day, Madonna would be Oscar-nominated.

Pretzel had her first bath today and she’s all fluffy and fabulous

It’s only been a week but I can’t remember my life before her 🥰

We had a long day

This dog is going to inherit all of my assets

Pretzel just figured out how to jump on the bed so I guess she’s not gonna be sleeping in the crate much longer

We have a name! I’d like to introduce you all to… PRETZEL! 🥨✨

She doesn’t have a name yet, but I’m happy to introduce you to my new roommate who came home from the shelter today. 🥰

The average American has three friends.

It’s too cold out but I like my layers

Best friend’s wedding outfit reveal!

It was just the 6th anniversary of the best day of my life

Having a lovely day 😌

Looking forward to the reporting about how Trump was furious to learn that Colombia has a university

Birthplace of the automotive industry, Big Gretch and Madonna, you know what to do ✨

Madonna’s “American Life” deserved better ✨

I one thing about me is I never skip leg day

Do I seem relaxed?

Making more friends in Costa Rica this morning 🥰

I went to pee and saw this and SCREAMED

I met a random dog at the beach today and he absolutely served for me

This mug read me for filth

Feeling cute at my Costa Rican jungle yoga retreat 🥰

Pro tip: Closing one of your rings before you put hands to keyboard for the workday feels like a major win. It’s called paying yourself first. 💅🏼

There was only ever one Superb Owl and his name was Flaco

Dreaming big in 2025

Which one of you knows his @

👏🏽 The people (the gay ones, at least) demand “A Diva’s Christmas Carol” starring Vanessa Williams and Kathy Griffin on streaming 👏🏽

@andyrockcandy.bsky.social happy birthday Andrew Rock Candrew

@kwprime.bsky.social hiiiiii 🥹

Decided on a less disgusted profile pic