the biggest difference between the whales and hulk hogan is the whales have never been trump-supporting, sex-addicted, child-abusers and also the whales are still alive

since elon musk is leaving the white house, i would like to suggest a whale assume the now vacant role of "unqualified beast who looks like it should be in the ocean" . as a bonus, a whale would mostly just destroy its surroundings, instead of the entire middle class

“i asked chat gpt—” okay i asked the all-knowing, all-powerful, formless void that lives in the depths of the ocean and she said you’re a weak little brainless beta cuck boy that needs ai to replace your uncreative, flaccid mind

it is at least one whale’s birthday today

whales are small now april fools still big

for the record, nazis aren’t welcome in the ocean either, there’s enough trash in there as it is

timothee chalamet if he was a blue whale in a world where whales have evolved in such a way as to be capable of winning major acting awards but still be largely motivated by a desire for krill

say drake, i hear you like em fuckin huge

most whales in the ocean are at least a little bit wet

a whale would never tell a woman what to do with her own fucking body

elon musk can’t take over the country if he gets eaten by a whale

very few whales have ever known the pleasure of watching all 4 hours and 11 minutes of Peter Jackson’s Fantasy/Adventure epic The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King: Extended Edition

no matter how bad you want it, or what you’re willing to do, the littlest blue whale will still be bigger than you

the only thing bigger than a whale is an even bigger whale and even then it’s up for debate

killer whales are coming to town

baby whales were so good this year santa came to deliver them presents unfortunately he has drowned

a whale would make a great christmas tree topper but only if you want a very flat, very wet tree

very few whales have ever been the imposter when playing among us, probably because they are all perfect sweeties who never lie

there is literally nothing you could do at a mcdonalds that would cause a whale to call the cops

despite living under enormous pressure whales very rarely give up hope

this is an empty picture of the deep ocean, if you see a whale it means you are a perfect sweetie who deserves a forehead kiss (if you see two whales it also means you are gay)

whales will literally go sink some asshole's yacht instead of going to therapy

whales are so big if you tried to swallow one whole you absolutely probably could not

what i wanted to send vs what i ended up sending. sometimes you gotta conserve your energy, folks

whales are nerds: -false -they are cool -they don’t even know math whales are chads: -true -they know how to bulk -they fuck and do sweet tricks

if you used a whale as a weighted blanket, you would sleep the deepest sleep of your life

I am a: ⚪ male ⚪ female ⚪ nonbinary 🔘 orca whale Interested in: ⚪ men ⚪ women ⚪ nonbinaries 🔘 sinking boats in Europe

humans have fucked around long enough, it is time to find out

most whales are bigger than a raspberry

can’t please everyone

whales don’t have boobs but if they did they’d be big bahonka donkas

like what’s up skeeters i’m single wyd

if twitter survives this might just be my personal shitpost account because so far bluesky seems way more unhinged

the lock ness monster is real and it is my penis

god really popped off with this one

the average blue whale’s penis is longer than your entire boyfriend

very few whales have ever been to oklahoma

whales are pretty fuckin big

Blue SKY? I thought this was an app for skeeting blue WHALES!

@awhalefact.bsky.social is here!!! This is a good place.

I type out my skeets with my own little feets

there is not generally a winner and a loser when performing a high five, but if you manage to high five a whale, you will lose. specifically your arm and maybe life

whales are allowed to be a little deranged, who’s gonna stop them

a whale could beat up your 99th percentile newborn baby

whales are pretty fuckin big