i burned my fingers

super late to the party on this one but reading thread for the last bit of this year

trying to flirt but im 200 years old

haven't felt the touch of a woman in 4 years. oatmeal in a measuring cup

read my short story! gonna start putting out some old ones on here while i work on my new stuff hyacinthqueen.itch.io/burn-me

it's called poetic license, playboy

it seemed hardly to budge at all

I’m demoniac, I am madness maddened!

You can get a little slutty, foxy grandpa

serpent

dead wife will haunt you forever

jacking off is like shooting people

80s horror movies: what if your TV was evil 2000s horror movies: what if you could have sex with your phone

its gothic romance autumn

are you a happy jerker, an unhappy jerker, or a stress jerker, you can only pick one

young men are compulsively masturbating because they were cursed by the good fairy as punishment for their cruel mistreatment of field mice.

you can't be monogamous anymore because of woke

dirty talking: let's count how many principles you've violated tonight

life can get tough when you're a frivolous playboy

Gramsci, “I Hate Halloween” (1916)

much wriggling, and loud and incessant expostulations

pitched up + slowed down + pitched down + sped up + slowed up + sped down + reverb + sharpened + denoised + crunched + noise gated

live, laugh, laura

oblivion is the best fallout game

tenderqueer startup: we are like found family here

it must feel good as hell to get raptured

giles coreying the weighted blanket shop

10 gallons of water 1 gallon of amonia 800 grams of phosphorous 250 grams of salt 1 huge slab of steak 500 gallons of cum someone who is good at alchemy please help me budget this, my homunculus is dying

meat

paralytic toxins? in my shellfish?

80s horror movies: what if your TV was evil 2000s horror movies: what if you could have sex with your phone

"if you were a non-legendary creature, which would u be?"

finished

okay also my key being stolen means i might have to pay for another month of storage and i only have $40 to my name. need $100 by the 15th to be covered if anyone can help a bug out venmo @ honey-challah ko-fi @ yaelso

bitch i look like i'm from frog twitter. bitch i look like rene descartes. hoe i can't reason with a syllogism. yung bitch i don't even know where port royale is. young buck i spent $600 on depop. young buck use the word 'episteme' in a sentence

i had a dream i was on an alien planet and a store owner pointed to a row of masks on the wall and said "those are our little gods. they look like us but we didn't make them." i accidentally knocked one into some sort of toxic sludge and awakened the horrors that devoured the world. is that good

jacking off is like shooting people

the one thing you don't wanna do is miss with a stud finder

my revolutionary new gaming console that sucks your shit from the back completely dry

i will harm you crazy style !!!!

the stiffening of your penis is of no consequence

they're doing this to me

For every topical joke you dont post, you will be richly rewarded.

have you been harnessing the power of beneficial insects playboy