Congratulations to all the socks having a holiday

“The nightingales are singing in the orchards of our mothers, and hearts that we broke long ago have since been breaking others. The sky is high the sea is deep, roll them overboard and sleep…”

Enjoying bluebells

Exactly one month until we venture to the Mill Arts Centre in #Banbury, in the company of @arfursmith.bsky.social, @rosieisaholt.bsky.social & @davidephgrave.bsky.social, for this. www.themillartscentre.co.uk/shows/mostly...

Poor old Elon Musk he’s lost 135 billion dollars and now he’s only got 298 billion left. Thinking of organising a benefit for him. Any volunteers to do an act in it?

I’ve been nominated in the humility swards! I’ll be really pissed off if I don’t win

Duh I’m meant to be giving a motivational speech tomorrow but I can’t really be arsed……

I can confirm Balham Airport is operating as normal

As part of the 2025 Togetherness #Poetry Challenge we’re exploring ‘shared identities’ themes, with online sessions with one of last year’s Challenge poets, Steve Lott based in Harlow, Essex @arfursmith.bsky.social @poetrysociety.bsky.social @ovyuki.bsky.social www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/exploring-...

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I’ve said it before…..

Been great to have you

Everyone welcome at our launch of this year’s Togetherness #Poetry Challenge in Dalston @arfursmith.bsky.social @poetrysociety.bsky.social @poetrydaily.bsky.social @rhinopoetry.bsky.social @pascalepetit.bsky.social www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/poets-toge...

Start of. Middle of. End of.

Seems a Nigerian Prince has left me £450 million. Quite pleased

Done a sculpture

Sorry I broke your vase

Exciting breaking news in Balham; I’ve got a new pair of slippers!

See ya Saturday?

Has anyone seen Elon Musk and Ron Hubbard in the same room?

You coming to say hello?

Sometimes I think our cutlery wants to escape

Spotted 2 tigers on Wandsworth Common

My apologies to the people of Balham. I’d booked some snow for today but alas….

Pomegranate is an annoying name for a fruit. It sounds like an Australian describing an English stone

All of our advisers are currently helping other customers but please hold and we shall be with you shortly (boring tinny music) x 50

Improve your health with intermittent farting

Oh dear. Met a man today who DOESN’T like figgy pudding.

My latest art work

drive.google.com/drive/mobile... Some gigs next year. You coming?

Very annoying American word: “unaliving”.

Today's tour announcements: Matt Richardson, Stuart Laws, Amy Annette and Arthur Smith (with poet Clare Ferguson). All comedy tours here: http://dlvr.it/TGZx04

If you have never seen or heard 'Syd'. Make sure you do. It is a love letter to our late fathers and so much more. With @arfursmith.bsky.social & @kirstynewton.bsky.social www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m000y64v

My favourite sock

I feel sorry for silence. It never gets a look in any more

My latest painting - self portrait by window

Good gracious I am now 70. All residents of Balham may now have the day off

I sailed through my driving test ….. that’s why I failed it.

My run today

If you only read one novel this year…. maybe read 2 next year

Honestly, some people… met a woman tonight who thinks that Father Christmas doesn’t exist!

My latest painting

I’ve become an Elvis tribute act

Got to get on a train at Euston today. Please send thoughts and prayers

I used to think Elon Musk was a type of aftershave