sweet mother of god this is the best week ever

Jeanine Pinot is really fucking bad at this, huh

ask not for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee

Pleased to report when the dunce throwing sieg heils around opened up his new party announcement with “You’ve tried red. You’ve tried blue.” it did not go in the direction I expected

girl I hope you like bad boys because I am bad at mini golf

Donald “Two Weak” Trump has once again issued a timeframe of two weeks. Covid, infrastructure, healthcare, Iran - it’s always ever just two weeks to the promised land. He has weaponized stupidity

Chuck Schumer drafting another stern letter to a man who can’t goddamned read

I’m saddened to hear about the passing of my former colleague Raúl Grijalva. He was a tireless advocate for progress and he made Congress and our country a better place.

THEY'RE ALREADY DOING THAT @SCHUMER.SENATE.GOV YOU FUCKING IDIOT ALL THIS DOES IS GUARANTEES MUSK CAN KEEP SHUTTING THE GOVERNMENT DOWN OFFICE BY OFFICE RESIGN, YOU GUTLESS BRAINLESS TRUMP COLLABORATOR

some children - like Chuck Schumer - are tragically born with spines made of soggy spaghetti. but for the price of a cup of coffee a day, you can drink a cup of coffee a day so you’ll be sufficiently caffeinated to scream WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING CHUCK!?! at your telephone or monitor

While I’m sure Mr. Limpdick is very knowledgeable about trade and commerce from his extensive experience with… I’m guessing Monopoly Go, Canada did not initiate this trade war. Mr. Licknuts, I urge you to reconsider your position.

woman starts gofundme for new rock to live under, news at 11

SNOOP IS MISSING IN THE BRONX at Patterson Ave and Thieriot Ave. He's 95 pounds and chipped: 985112012188645. If you've seen or found him please call 888-466-3242 and PLEASE RT SNOOP!

Russia considers itself a strong and mighty country but it really seems like all it can do is nibble the ankles of better countries. It is very much a regional power

apparently my apartment has flooded, which is an awesome and totally cool development

be the shit you want to start

I didn’t always understand the value of this, but now I’ll regularly ask “what is your wisdom, o’ neurodivergent of the lake?” and it has made my life so much better. Different perspectives are valuable (mostly)

Musk is a leach attached to our government.

the dude who just blew up another starship wants to take over the FAA but yeah no big deal

Democrats who voted to censure Al Green: -Ami Bera (CA) -Ed Case (HI -Costa (CA) -Gillen (NY) -Himes (CT) -Houlahan (PA) -Kaptur (OH) -Moskowitz (FL) -Marie Gluesenkamp Perez (WA) -Suozzi (NY)

Probably about 90% moved in; it is super tight with the weight cage but workable

I’ve been replaying Far Cry 3 since Ubi released the steam achievements and it’s not bad to revisit. I think I just burned out on the FC/AC formula when they started pumping them out like Guitar Hero

Aside from the obvious direct harm, what's so irritating is that a handful of spoiled ignorant assholes are breaking things that we all built together. They weren't content to own almost everything, they had to wreck what little they didn't own. It's vandalism on a mass scale and has to be punished

Per u/generaldar on Reddit

Donald Trump could slam his dick in the car door and 30% of Americans would believe it was part of some brilliant 4D chess strategy

everything he said this morning is… Trudeau.

loading up Cyberpunk 2077 after years without realizing that they reset your character specs in a patch and you no longer know what you’re doing

fellas I’m starting to suspect this Trump guy ain’t too bright

Principles are the most vital during difficult times.

“If we can’t fix everything at once, we should criticize nothing.” - Some Idiot, Most Every Conversation

When someone tells me that someone was condescending, I am compelled to gently say “condescending means you talk down to people.” I have not been punched in the face for this joke yet, but I feel like there have been several near-misses

what the fuck just happened with Vance and Trump ambushing Zelenskyy like that

BC Cons are accused of abducting a senior - with dementia - who was located in the law firm of the losing candidate. This individual signed documents in English (which they do not read or understand) contesting the election. They remain hospitalized today. Really fucking gross, gang.

Wait… so Bezos is just sending his girlfriend on a rocket? Into space? With Katy Perry? Because to me that sounds like there’s a decent chance “Firework” might make the charts again

Drained, Chester sat down and waited for the police to arrive. Staring at Alan’s still-warm body laying among the empty shells, he felt no remorse. There were two sacred rules. You didn’t touch another man’s wife, or another man’s nuts. His ears perked up as the sound of sirens rose in the distance.

finally got sick but that’s on me for burning the candle at both ends for the last few weeks

I always found Gene Hackman to be both film’s most terrifying villain (the brutal sheriff / terrible carpenter of Unforgiven) and most loveable dope (The Birdcage) and I am sad that he has died

well carol or whatever that would be super interesting if I fucking cared in any way and you should really direct your thoughts on the matter to someone who gives a shit The knuckles crack; fingers pause hovered over the keyboard “Per my last email…”

pretty sure Trump misheard Navarro and thought he was kicking Canada out of Five Guys, now he has no choice but to double-down

230,000 of us (and counting) voted to have Musk’s Canadian citizenship revoked. We haven’t felt this much collective shame since Bieber

Speech was exhausting but it’s over and was well-received