Hello, I am a civil servant in a film. I am also old, grey and dull, and while my secret vice is something much more mundane and furtive (alcohol?, porn?) it still leaves me open to blackmail. However, I also have a dependability and stoicism which benefits the main characters at unexpected moments.

This is true and a great way to frame the key generational fairness point. Full disclosure ... I am 46

I do not have any dog in the fight of Northern Irish politics but the Unionist bonfires are objectively a huge Health and Safety risk that would be banned without a second thought in any other part of the UK.

My email from a few weeks ago. EU diplomats’ worst-case scenario was a “dirty Brexit” of Britain simply ignoring laws in a disorderly unwinding of membership. It would have been a bad idea - but one that, tellingly. never seemed to occur on this side of the channel

Why hasn’t someone in Cerne Abbas started a fashion brand called Tommy Hill Figure?

Made two minutes of small talk with Alexander Armstrong while our respective kids were on the same bouncy castle.

Forest Green eliminated, at home. Huge tip of the hat to Southend United ... Get in! #ctfc

If Starmer was good at politics, he would have linked his fresh review of winter fuel payments with an expected dividend from the UK–EU Reset deal.

An excuse to post the link to my favourite ever BuzzFeed listicle. www.buzzfeed.com/lukelewis/su...

One of the more baffling search engine outputs here ... doing a bit of research for a pub quiz round via Bing to find the UK's top-selling autobiographies ever, and I get - Three random and very much not bestselling autobiographies - A novel - Some women's underwear

This wasn't me but I heartily endorse the view that Stonehenge - globally significant ancient site and all that - is Britain's shittest day out. There is nothing, but nothing, to do there. If you opened a bowling alley just over the down, you'd make a fortune.

If Shawn Fain has fellow union leaders named Fiona Fall and Finn Gale then the historic Irish influence on US organised labour may be more enduring than we think ...

One thing about the Trump tariff mayhem ... it probably upgrades the chances of Trump being impeached by Congress. Upgrades them from substantively zero to still pretty slim, to be clear, but upgrades them nonetheless.

A rare Cheltenham Town post ... but I have two thoughts on this story

Possibly the greatest local news story Im going to see this year, and it’s only March

Tasty old eavesdropping tale here ...

This is hands down the best news story of the year so far and these two squaddies-on-the-piss have added richly to the gaiety of the nation at a time when it's sorely needed.

Evidently The Shamen were right all along...

Whenever anyone is mentioned as having passed on - "X has died", "Y is dead", etc. - responding with "and he'd be the first to admit it".

www.bbc.co.uk/news/article... Tenner says it'll be called "The Spanish Inquisition"

@samcoatessky.bsky.social was expressing his astonishment yesterday on Sky News that the PM had singled out one judicial review applicant to blame for the legal challenges bedevilling infrastructure projects. Let’s fix that 😈 Here’s a story that starts with a man shut in his cellar.

This is one of dullest and most superficial thoughts that anyone can have on Current Events but I have been struck by just how old Trump suddenly looks. All the slap and hair weaves are now really failing to disguise the march of time. It's a properly old man doing all this mad and spiteful shit.

No idea if Viz magazine is still doing "Up The Arse corner" but this feels like a possible contender ...

Mathematicians get their kicks on 8.1240384.

Wider shunning of nearby Basingstoke entirely the fault of Fanta, experts agree.

My old Williams Rail Review oppo @roadscholar.bsky.social metamorphosing into Bluesky's most revered transport policy sage was not on my 2024 bingo card, but he's doing it with user-friendly elan on top of all his usual erudition, so hats off to him.

Every supporter of a lower league side knows the pain of seeing who you *would* have drawn in the FA Cup 3rd Round if you hadn't played like a load of shite and got knocked out in Round 2. But learning that it would have been Manchester City away is ... a bit of kick in the teeth, to be honest.

If there is a contest anywhere in British racing that has declined so far and so quickly as what used to be the Hennessy Gold Cup, then I can't think what it is.

I know that nobody cares that I called it, least of all @cjayanetti.bsky.social, but still ...

I am going to take a punt on Heidi Alexander for next transport sec.

A colleague once used the brilliant term 'heroin-faced' to describe a former boss. Not alleging opiate use of any kind but just trying to summarise the whole sunken eyed / swallow cheeked / haunted / unshaven look that the bloke had. On which note, I give you ... snooker player Mark Allen

Justin Welby and Kamala Harris both nailed-on shortlist candidates for next host of Match of the Day ...

RIP Alastair Down. A transparently flawed man but one of the most gifted writers I've ever encountered on any subject. Horse racing is a small village and his loss will be felt very keenly. Condolences to his family. www.racingpost.com/news/alastai...

The public building I work in had a fire safety inspection earlier this month conducted by a bloke called Justin Ashburn. Genuinely thought it was a scam ...

@christinamartin.bsky.social Remember you saying at least six months ago that Twitter felt "palliative". You were right, and way ahead of me.

The direct and short line between the FA and the FO for rioters that's unfolding is both satisfying and cathartic.

"You've got to get players in and around Harry Kane", says Alan Shearer. Consenting adults behind closed doors is fair enough, but if they do that during a match, Mr Shearer, those players should be arrested

Mrs Raw was a teacher forever. A kid had been sent to the head of department for swearing at her. The HOD had words with the kid and brought him back for the required apology, "Miss, I'm sorry I called you a fucking slapper." He just couldn't resist getting it in there one more time.

This will sound like crazy talk but how about supermarkets stop engaging highly-paid hotshot lawyers to sue each other over weirdo advertising technicalities and instead *actually* make stuff cheaper for hard-pressed punters?

As someone who left the UK in the mid-90s, the tabloid metamorphosis of Camilla from That Evil Woman Who Killed Diana to Our Wonderful Queen is still something I find hard to get my head round.

Bluesky enabling hashtags is great but somehow feels a bit cheap and lowbrow given how long we've managed without them ... slight Arthouse Cinema Puts On Singalong Showing Of The Barbie Movie vibe

Sydenham Lidl. Best known for its comedy double act with Eddenham Large.

Oh it will. Brits have a wide range of views on many things but "being mean to parents of a murdered kid" is not one of them.

Bloody hell, Alistair Darling as well. If ever you wanted some bleak evidence in support of the "famous people die in clusters" theory, today is it.

Who knew they were such fans of 1980s snooker in Alaska?

The government's public line on the Elgin Marbles seems to be 'up until last night, we were unsure what the Greek position on returning the sculptures was'.

Would like to see some polling on the Elgin Marbles thing. I am a Centrist 40something but it seems pretty axiomatic that unilaterally Nicking Stuff From Other Countries is the sort of behaviour that wouldn't be acceptable now, and that we might usefully apologise for and seek to remedy ...