Telling absolutely everyone I injured my wrist by masturbating too hard, hope they don't figure out the truth

What do you say when people ask why you converted an old chicken coop into a cat cabin? That was hen, this is meow

This early Lara Croft design looks like she's ready to stab someone with maximum sass in Mega Man Legends or Rival Schools

Three years deep in an intense play-by-email game of Street Fighter 2. All of my 500+ messages read "waggles the joystick in a random direction and slaps some buttons in sheer panic"

Apple announced a subscription software suite (barf) and within hours the SA forums turned the terrible icons into Goatse with minimal effort

Maybe he was mad because he wasn’t getting full credit as a pedophile

Isn't it weird that we all eat while laying flat on our backs but we poop laying on our stomachs?

(Nice Bean)

American sporting events should replace our anthem with that clip of Krusty the Clown tugging his collar and going "yeesh"

I know you're eager to get out of the pizza business, but this rebrand might present a few challenges

Classic mistake. You're supposed to remove that before baking the turkey, then serve it on the side

I have a lot planned for this New Year's Eve. Fall asleep reading a Discworld book at around 10. Be jostled awake by fireworks. Lay wide awake with my life's regrets until 3 AM. Wake up at 3:15 when neighbor lights a single firework every ten to thirty minutes, which he will do for the next week

Rest in peace to Mike F, one of the all-time greats

They're waiting for you, Gordon. In the festive chamber.

Starfleet General Orders do not explicitly forbid the use of food replicators to create human meat, which can only be interpreted as an endorsement

Countdown to this one being 404'd www.justice.gov/epstein/file...

It's time to give up if you were hoping Windows would turn things around in the next few years, or even slow down the decline

"It's time to buzz the chimney." "This is what I call a present-rich environment." "Damn, this kid is good!" "Take me to rooftop or lose me forever." "You can be my Rudolph any time." "Mayday, mayday, Santa’s in trouble. He’s in a flat spin, he’s heading out to sea."

Becoming the smartest human alive without knowing anything by responding to every sci-fi/fantasy book discussion on the internet with "hmm, I find the prose... workmanlike"

what I say every time I watch The Phantom Menace

if all of you gift your friends Hypnospace Outlaw on Steam I promise to someday make another videogame

What a bummer to see this from Vincke. People do not need AI to do any of that shit. Even the smallest, most repetitive, and annoying bits of the creative process are important. Replacing them with plagairism undermines everything that comes after.

Sitting at a computer for prolonged periods is unhealthy. Get up every hour and grab a snack

The director of Oddity has a new movie with Adam Scott www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFmb...

When I was 12 my new friend rented a Genesis and Altered Beast. The first time the wizard said "Welcome to your doom" we both blurted out "Thanks for inviting us!" at the same time while turning towards one another in shock. Then we were best friends.

I'm glad there's a whole subgenre of greeting cards for gamers

The Queen's Domain devs understand that, actually, dithering rules

Fighting game pros should adhere to implausible tv weather person naming conventions, like Joanna Quartercircle and Chip Damage

Do you think that show Call The Midwife ever had an episode named Midwife Crisis

"Special Giant Video Window Puts You Where the Action Is!" PC CD-ROM interactive gaming, baby

Sad but true: 44% of men can't find the Tinkle Popo

GoG survey's one step away from saying we're clearly made for one another, why can't we set the problems aside and start over

I'm here to miscount bubblegum and declare the amount of bubblegum in my possession, and I have one bubblegum

Can you spot the small edit I made to a real patent application?

TEEURGE HUITAT MMUA TURTLES

No One Lives Forever is 25 years old today. And you STILL can't buy it. But you can still GET it! And you should, because it's still completely brilliant. kotaku.com/no-one-lives...

This is why you should only dive off propellorless boats

Cache and Funny Games had me glued to the screen, feeling things I hadn't felt about movies before. I should probably check out Haneke's other work. Thanks, brain, for taking 20 years to come up with that

"Would you kindly press your sweaty mug against the Shoot Here Porthole?"

Weapons (2025)

Me reading your posts amid the looming inevitability of Expo '70

This is how everyone used computers in the 90s. We called all the parts peripherals because we only saw them in our peripheral vision

Dinosaur Palm Reader: Ah, yes. Your life does have meaning. You will be remembered tens of millions of years from now!

did someone say “Abel Ferrara’s commentary on King of New York” youtu.be/WQRzH9BAzks?...

Karl Urban, how many Dredd sequels should have been released by now?

P.S. If you pick up the BEASTS OF BURDEN OMNIBUS you can shelve it next to the NERD INFERNO OMNIBUS next year. That's 1200 pages of sublime and ridiculous comics (the sublime c/o of @thejillthompson.bsky.social @benjamindewey.bsky.social and others). Ridiculous c/o me. More info tinyurl.com/mpkje3tj

when i want to reaffirm the universal value of life, my two go-tos are definitely "ai" and "brand campaign"

Pasta is cool because you can measure the exact portion you need, add more because it doesn't look like enough, eat so much your stomach hurts, then lie to yourself by promising that next time you'll stick with the measured portion

The newest Mac Mini is so cheap ($430 after sale + free store credit) that I'm ditching Windows. Sticking with the Steam Deck for games. Should be able to get $500 for the PC that was morphing into a Clockwork Orange Ludovico device for AI bullshit

I am going to purchase 648 pages of Milk & Cheese, Dork, and Eltingville