i fuckin hate calling in almost as much as i hate going to work

i believe in the black forest theory of alien life; if a race of intelligent life exists, they must be so busy curing their ham deep within their darkest forests that they don't have any time to communicate with us

god i wish this was me :c

my favorite food is Sumptuous Morsels

weed is cool but i heard weed 2 is coming out in march so im waiting for that

I like pretty much all the hunger games tbh. But the snake with a bird on its tail logo for the new one looks dumb as shit

Iron Lung

Things are going to “get low” and go out with a “good feeling” at one soon-to-close Southern Michigan college this spring with an appearance from Grammy-nominated rapper Flo Rida.

i want earbuds so small i can swallow them and i want them NOW!!!!

there should be a survivor season with hundreds of fake idols and one real one so every tribal everyone is like emptying their pockets in front of jeff and he's throwing all their idols into the fire

last week chipotle sent me an email BEGGING me to come back with a free small drink but i said forget it. THIS week they send me an email with a free side of guac. NEXT week they're going to be emailing me talking about come on in for a free napkin

i wonder if you had the world's best sloppy joe recipe if you could win one of these cooking shows with it. sometimes we reward the wrong things in our society

California raisins are what the m&ms will look like when they’re old.

i know basically every rules and i follow ALL of them

my head unscrews and i store it in a round tin canister i keep under my bed when i sleep. is that so wrong??

if you dont chew gum until your jaw hurts you arent getting your money's worth

i wish i had a treasure chest :c

here's the new episode of Yes! Michigan! in this one, we very helpfully give advice for driving in snowy weather for non-Mitchigooners. then we try a whole mess of Koegel's Meats, and @howintensive.bsky.social grills me with a particularly diabolical quiz. open.spotify.com/episode/7cPP...

my new bumper sticker

i find this VERY unlikely

Where do ghosts go on vacation?

i know it’s over now and lame but ive gotta admit, ive been getting really into eating tide pods lately 😋

just realized i fucked up the achievement i was going for so now im just playing this game for fun :c

still thinking about SEND HELP lol. i love how annoying rachel mcadams' character is, like in her personality. it grows on you as the movie goes on, but it doesn't change. she's still doing all the slightly-off little voices and puns and weird grimaces even after she comes into her own on the island

if jackam was still around we could be watching a minute of milania

Leo’s Coney Island loves to not put cheese on things that should obviously have cheese on them

im the most normal person on planet earth and getting more and more so every day

im looking more like my grandpa every day. this morning i was thinking "i should get some of those sick shirts he used to wear" but then i remembered my grandma sewed all their clothes. so i guess i have to learn to sew or whatever if i want to transform fully

i LOVE to give a movie 5 stars on letterboxed. i will do it every day if i can.

me: my new recipe: brush a saltine with melted butter then sprinkle with maldon salt. i call this "salty cracker" dr: wait.

Wrong person from a Home Alone movie died

RACHEL MCADAMS THE GOD

Send Help

DONT SLEEP

“In the hills, the cities” is so good it makes up for how bad a lot of clive barkers other writing can be

it would be quite strange if someone ended all the texts they sent their wife with "lylas"

tonight we considered giving your TTRPG character a toupee in our pf2 game and i am in love with this idea

they should do a new urkel show where he’s old

i believe making an ad so stupid people will post screenshots of it is a marketing strategy

this is the 80s and im down with the ladies

Send Help in 3D is very intriguing to me, didn’t expect that to be an option

For the first time in my life this thought crossed my mind, Podcasts Aren’t Wonderful 😢

i have learned the language of the "critters" from the movie critters and speak it fluently

women sure do love marrying us, right boys? haha

ugh i was trying to get my wife caught up on 28 years later so we could see bone temple together but i think im going to miss it in the theater :c

how do mirrors always know what you look like tho

if i could do the voices i do to annoy my kids for my friends i would be the greatest dungeon master of all time

keep calm and Carrie Ann

god i wish i was an orc

smoking on that shit that runs doc brown’s train