Happy “Pray for Hail and Lightning Day” to all who celebrate.

Can we please cover *him* with a tarp? #KennedyCenter

All of us over here rooting our hearts out for Team Crow Bar over Team Tarp. #KennedyCenter

This is the same work crew that’s doing La Sagrada Família. #KennedyCenter

They tore down the East Wing faster than this. #KennedyCenter

“Sir,” he said, with tears in his eyes. “Sir, I will be the slowest construction worker on earth.” #kennedycenter

For Mother’s Day I would like hantavirus not to be a thing.

News crews are assembling now at Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

Do the school kids also get a ballroom?

Nor do they deserve Madonna.

I’m mad at Coachella. These little influencer shits don’t deserve to see Devo.

Deleting my DoorDash app was delicious.

IDK, I was recently at the Vatican and they seem like, famously tough on crime. Like, OGs of tough on crime.

Turns out Lexapro doesn’t cut it when the so-called president is threatening to nuke an entire civilization.

Every Gen Xer in Portland is here at the Bruce Springsteen show, wearing their coolest T-shirt.

OH outside the PDX Bruce Springsteen concert: “I don’t even know who Bruce Springsteen is. I’m only 24! I need to do my research.”

“The lives of courageous American heroes may be lost and we may have casualties. That often happens in war.” -Donald Trump #Iran

WTF. An asshole in Florida in a baseball cap.

Damnit.

I would very much like to wake up tomorrow and not be at war with Iran.

For me it’s “YMCA.”

Puerto Rico is automatically a state now, correct?

Please tell me that worked. Tell me it exploded shriveled little racist MAGA hearts.

If I ran for mayor of Portland on a single platform — figuring out what the booms are and stopping them — would you vote for me?

Philly, set your lawn chairs out now to reserve your civil rights.

This is a vetted fundraiser for the family of Renee Good, the woman who was killed by ICE in Minneapolis. www.gofundme.com/f/support-fo...

CNN finally calls it at 1:27 a.m. PT after Orangey posts on his socials. Failure.

There goes everybody’s Dry January.

MS NOW finally reported it. Bluesky shitposters remain light years ahead of CNN. Shame, shame, shame.

Maddening that CBS news was fed a statement 15 minutes ago and no other media are reporting the US taking responsibility for the attacks.

Here for the Cesar Sayoc theories.

We are failing our kids

My primary takeaway after reading the latest Epstein files: Did women ruin the workplace?

Had to do it.

“Yes, aunties.” 😍 #mamdani

I couldn’t love this any more. 🍒💣 No notes!

The Great Gatsby is a really short book. I suggest that no one skips the ending.

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy-they smashed up things and...then retreated back into their money...and let other people clean up the mess they had made.” F. Scott Fitzgerald The Great Gatsby

Here now.

I'll leave you from Portland with one last video of the @unpresidentedbrass.bsky.social, the unofficial house band of #NoKings

ICE in Oregon: Pointing rifles at family, stopping teens at gunpoint, pinning man during arrest www.oregonlive.com/politics/202... by The Oregonian's Yesenia Amaro

I 💖 Portland!

Massive escalation at the Portland ICE facility. Worst I’ve ever seen. More pepper balls than I can count. Teargas in the middle of crowd. Violent arrests. Some type of either noise or rubber bullet shotgun fired into the air then later aimed at protesters chests/heads at near point blank range.

Feds shot a member of the press, John Rudoff, in the arm with a pepper ball. My ears are still ringing.

Good on ya, PDX. www.oregonlive.com/politics/202...

Wow, you really get me, Amazon “Top picks for you” algorithm. 🙄

Update on Boomertifa from the war zone.

Portland is lawless. I just hung the toilet paper with the paper hanging *under* with ABSOLUTE IMPUNITY.

Hilarious backfire where a bunch of chuds who would otherwise never go to Portland deradicalize when they find out its normal

Reporting live from the front lines in Portland. Ooops, I meant the *brunch lines.*