House martins have arrived!

What do you mean ‘we shouldn’t have called the product that’? It was your idea! We all heard you

If you park in a parent and child space without a child, should be permissible to brick the car, IMO

Stick to being MP for North Durham

Reckon conservatively in the last two days copilot (not even one of the particularly good LLMs) has saved me about four hours in work time.

Trump: Windsor Castle, a structure that's so long it never seemed to end. It was built by a gentleman named William the Conqueror. I asked the king, I said, 'was he a nice man, William the Conqueror?' He said, 'I tend to doubt it.'

Arif Ahmed: funny

What was that Anka tweet where he had misunderstood the away goals rule lol

Yes. We should let on call doctors, retained fireman drink also.

Boris Johnson starts The Fracking Party Starmer & Farage destroyed in polls as big dog tours fracking sites, in his high vis and clearly having a massive laugh King personally intervenes to make FP party of government Fuel crisis avoided, UK economy surges to become most powerful in G7

As someone with a lifelong disease outside the scope of the assisted dying legislation I’m delighted it won’t be proceeding.

Stick to tweeting about Mikel Arteta and writing a fantasy novel

It's always just 'the examples of what not to do you get in your anti-bribery training at work'

Olly Robbins is brat!

Absolutely brilliant shot/chaser here

🚨 NEW: No 10 sources say the public will get to see “horny Starmer” in the Commons later today

Mikel Arteta: wh-where am I

Handbrake Turn Your Plow Over The Bones Of The Dead

Me to my civil service colleagues: i will notte be seen Deade with Mandelson now the vetting hath done a Numbre on him me when Sir Keir asks me if the Mandelson appointment will be finalised soon: Most certinly Sir. Vetting gets bettre every Week Sir

Still, good news about the Fabian YIMBY meetup

truly amazing luck that they continually managed to phrase it this way despite not knowing about the failure until tuesday. would have been embarrassing otherwise!

Quite funny that no-one’s talking about why he failed the vetting

😃

Today v much ‘Al Capone Tax Evasion’ day for the Sir Beer Korma truthers amongst us

Bit underdiscussed imo that the ‘original sin’ of this all was Starmer announcing him before he’d been vetted.

I’m told Starmer is “furious” that they didn’t have his nose; was informed by cabinet secretary only earlier this week that they were in fact using their thumb

Funny

Toddler getting to the point he can request specific books: really good.

Moved to tears by the Sort Your Life Out / Mr Tumble crossover

Windy isn’t it

Got almost halfway home from nursery this evening before i realised (because someone waved at me) that my son’s bag was on the roof of the car.

The vibes at the Scruton Cafes* in Budapest must be at an all-time low. *A chain of cafe/bars inspired by British conservative philosopher Roger Scruton. Est by the Hungarian govt-backed Batthyány Lajos Fnd to help the Orbanist right connect with the youth. They have not succeeded (My pics, 2025)

First swifts of the year :)

Arsenal in the title race now like one of those Stewart Lee bits where the more you repeat it, the funnier it gets

It’s simple really, Arteta just isn’t very good at his job. And is also a wretched, hateful man.

“Like Mr Tumble on acid”

Really laughing at this

Had a v good morning. Awarded the Windham-Campbell prize! A bit stressful as they got in touch far later than they normally would in the awards cycle, not sure what that was about. Anyway, now to log on and catch up with the latest literary news.

Astonishing book!

Side-eyeing a lot of the comments about the Hull funeral director. The man clearly has undiagnosed ADHD.

National newspapers reporting that the flirty spirit of the messages sent by that naval captain weren’t reciprocated; you’d die wouldn’t you

Learning about that famous Georgia O'Keeffe quote

Petrol station sold out 💀

Rupert Murdoch and his brood have had the ‘Murdochs most responsible for media misinformation’ thing locked down for too long. Nice to have a challenger.

Shocked by the Scott Mills news!

But look how happy he is

Clock change with a toddler is horrific

I have a wood offcut problem