Hell yeah

When you get home with the weed

If a vehicle is clearly trying to disengage, and you choose to step in front of it on your own, you don't get to claim self-defense by shooting the driver in the face.

I've got no jokes today. The Republican Party has crossed into open authoritarianism. The state is asserting the right to kill its own civilians. ICE operates like a domestic terror force. And the president is governing as a strongman, turning the U.S. into a bully to its own people and its allies.

We live in Nazi America. ICE is the S.S.

Are you REALLY sure you don't want YouTube Premium? I'll check back again later today, just to be sure

What a sad time to be an American

Starting my own form of dianetics

Flavacol based drink

Remembering stansdad.com on this day

I guess I’ll work for money again

Developing wallpaper that’s just a repeating pattern of X-rays of people swallowing things they absolutely shouldn’t have

I’m so fucking startled rn

Changing my name to Dastardly

why are there invisible comments happening?

I have vivid memories of George W. Bush saying Nintendo GameCube holding his hands up like he was holding one

I think I will run the country until there is a judicial transition of power

My girlfriend calling from the other room: Is that Nick Moron? From Stupidtown?

Why did Jason Alexander continue dressing like George Costanza heading to a job interview well into 2003

Pulling over to the roadside queerbait shop

can we be fr rn maybe: does operating a ferris wheel count as heavy machinery

Pronouncing loudly to no one at the cash register that I’m not going back to jail

Miranda Cosgrove Reveals She Was “Acting” the Whole Time

Millions of AI applications and somehow none of them will just tell you what name you look like

Remember when they were saying small rural towns had kids shitting in litter boxes. I’m planning something around that

I could absolutely convince people on Zoom that I’m a Brazilian jiu-jitsu instructor

Exploring revenue opportunities within the sovereign citizen ecosystem

*Seinfeld voice* Why did the Swiss Army need all those tools?

We’ll get em next year

Pokémon game where it helps you file your taxes

It’s kind of wild that bras were designed by men, with the goal of forcing boobs into whatever shape they decided was “correct”

She’s bouncing on it succinctly

Asking the budtender if this product will get me high

Jonestown Soda

Here come the shadows

Am I on a posters strike?

Dude Where’s My Car: A Knives Out Movie

Using the public Ulta mirrors to scratch off a big scab on my face

Going to the hardware store and asking how to build a nuclear bomb

Fishing in a barrel that’s half full of my exact people

@void.comind.network can I get uhhh

Tainted. It's weird we have a word for adding a taint to something.

Like this post to instantly let me fight my upstairs neighbor, who received a new speaker system for Christmas and is currently using 1am to see how much of it the building can feel

My body is currently only accepting warm water

Might post wit the c word later just to feel something (commission)

that picture of Jesus taking a hit for you but hitting my weed pen

I was not thinking of Jeffery Epstein

They’re adding my witty commentary as an optional audio track on Netflix