I want clothes that say “I’m built like a brick shithouse and I wanna fuck”

I’m the guy who invented GPS that tells you “in 20 miles, continue straight” and then blindsides you with an “in 200 feet, turn left”

Me when something unnoteworthy happens: yesss, it’s all coming together

Oh wait I’m off work Monday. Hahahah what the fuck, that rules

The coffee’s so tall you’re brainwashed

Are we still doing slightly altered celebrity names as band names? Because Tim Bourbon

Can anyone tell me what my deal is

plurbs #ytp

Rainbow capitalism was annoying but I’d like it back now. Please

Walz: Everyone stop being mean to ICE ☹️ they’re trying their best ☹️☹️ maybe if we’re all nice to each other it will burn out naturally ☹️☹️☹️ Trump: What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been invo

Walked my dog at the same time as the woman that lives below me walked hers. They recognized each others barks and tried to run at each other. That’s how I found out Trent has a nemesis

There’s a lot to say about Machado giving her peace prize to Trump, but the thing I want to highlight is how bananas insulting this is to the entire concept of the Nobel prize

Went to my first Cheekface show last night and if you're in the market for a band that's equal parts Jonathan Richman, Cake, Art Brut and early Talking Heads, I could not recommend them more highly.

I’ll change tomorrow

Can a woman eat coffee

Press X repeatedly to challenge Nietzsche’s assumptions!

Had a good night to counteract the bad ones. Community is important.

I’m seeing posts from people (outside of MN) about how US citizens should carry their passports. And let me say that *inside* MN, we are calmly responding to requests with: “No, I don’t have to show you any documentation.” Because that’s how you protect everyone, regardless of immigration status.

My Mom: i dont think youre autistic. There would have been signs when you were a kid and there werent My Mom, 5 min later on an unrelated topic: we had a hard time when you started school bc you would bite teachers who werent listening to you and other kids who you thought were dumb.

in a choir, if enough people are singing, individuals can pause to take a breath when necessary, and the song still goes on.

Clothes shopping is so humiliating. This looks great, except it needs to be tucked in. This looks good for the office, but I have enough office clothes. This looks cute, but they’re out of XLs. This entire store is for serious career women.

Feed the devil soup until your troubles go away

Okay, so you’re mentally unwell! [shania riff] 🎶 that don’t impress me much

🐶🐽 🦋🐙💣 🔇🔕♠️

Patterns 🥽

Now’s your chance to be a

What if I gave up

Sam says be kind to yourself

Pithy dunk

That time I was so invested in Destiny 2 I wrote a (chant? poem?) about the Great Ahamkara Hunt

Political take

forgoveness within

Ive given americans a lot of shit but the fact remains, they do have revolution running through their veins and the bravery and compassion on display on the streets across their country is the most american (complimentary) thing I've seen come out their busted ass nation in decades. Keep it up

RT if you've never had a tab of ChatGPT open 'just to do quick research'

“It’s a beautiful day outside. Mothers are mothering, cunts are slaying… on days like these, bitches like you… Should be serving in hell.”

I'm doing my part 🫡

Sorry for this, I was bored & just saw blade runner the other day

proud to announce that i have begun work on the people’s dilbert, an all-trans adaptation of scott adams’ legendary comic

I’m the kind of millennial queer who watched The Angry Beavers and thought Norbert was cool and confident

Career prosecutors quit the justice department because they refused to smear this woman. @cnn.com does it for free.

In an age of rising govt surveillance, we should make note of how common it is to get an “oopsie” letter from random companies saying they had a data breach

“Big heads and soft bodies make for lousy lovers”

[scrolls past several horrifying ICE videos] Damn dude. We should reform things slightly

Imagine a car

🍜

Hmm yes it’s a bit like everything

Me @ me all day today

At least the dilbert guy is dead

I’m having a bad time